{C. P. Snow, a distinguished civil servant, wrote in The Two Cultures: and A Second Look, Cambridge University Press, Cambridge (U.K.), 1964: "Closing the gap between our [literary and scientific] cultures is a necessity in the most abstract intellectual sense, as well as in the most practical. ..."}

Presented here, for the conscientious student who would like to develop further his or her abilities and perspectives in an unorthodox manner, are nine fragmentary points of discussion which could be mulled over.

Also included here, to leaven these fragments, are selected scenes from the Michaelmas term of Narkover College's inaugural year as a bilingual establishment. [... The school was founded in 1859, as the Royal Naval College of Narkover, by a German prince who believed, erroneously, that a large expanse of water was a section of the coastline; his courtiers, rather than commit lèse-majesté, by drawing his immediate attention to the fact that Borsetshire was land-locked, waited until he died in 1861 before changing the school's name. Nevertheless, this royal patronage has resulted in Narkover being excused the necessity of implementing a never ending stream of governmental edicts; cynics or truists, if they be different, consider this privilege to be a blessing in disguise ...]

PLAYLET 4: La Astuzie femminili ò Il Sinfonia grillosa

10.30 p.m. First night of term; all the boarders have returned. In the Headmaster's bedroom, Mr. Mervyn B. Pond is browsing through his stamp album; his wife, née Euphémie Richelieu, is reading a book; and their recently born son and heir is in his cot ...

BÉBÉ POND.
Gentle thespian, the sound of my voice might lend itself to the not unreasonable suggestion that one is in the presence of an uncommonly precocious enfant terrible. Be that as it may, I am merely following in the literary footsteps of my spiritual ancestor, Tristram Shandy. ... ... Should you have read his quasi-autobiographie, you will probably recall that he devoted more space to the details of the Shandean ménage prior to his birth than after: an affectation which, surely, does not bear repetition. ... On the other hand, entre nous, a little pre-natal background would not go amiss? ... On est d'accord ?... Bon !... Par où vais-je commencer ?... Ah !... Tristram's uncle, Toby, had been rendered hors de combat, in both bed and battle, by what is often delicately referred to as groin problems. His condition had prompted him to direct his mental activities in a somewhat unusual hobby-horse: to wit, re-enacting the 1697 Siege of Namur via the design and reconstruction of the military fortifications in miniature. My uncle, Father Benoît Richelieu, who is Headmaster of the Lycée Villiers, a Catholic boarding school in La Rochelle, is also hors de combat — albeit as a natural consequence of his station in life. His particular hobby-horse centres on the abortive attempts by George Villiers, The First Duke of Buckingham, to relieve La Rochelle's besieged Protestants in 1627; an historical event which Alexandre Dumas incorporated with dramatic licence in his novel Les trois Mousquetaires. However, aside from the similarity in their hobby-horses ... «chevaux des batailles», en français ... these two gentlemen would have had precious little else in common. Thus, Uncle Toby was both generous and genial: and he had a penchant for whistling Lilliburlero. Whereas, with his black cassock and dour demeanour, my Uncle Benoît suggests more than a passing resemblance to a bird of ill omen: and he would consider the tune Lilliburlero to be, at best, quite beyond the pale. ... Perhaps my uncle's one saving grace is his fondness for, and protective attitude towards, ma mère; this lady, ... who is, as you can see yonder, reclining elegantly on the bed, ... had provided the necessary financial and moral support for her brother during his long period of study in the seminary. Mon père, ... who is, as you can also see yonder, browsing through his Album de timbres-postes, ... has a relationship with his beau-frère which might be best described as studied politeness; and so, whilst acceding to his wife's whims, he understandably, but tacitly, views each shared holiday with a degree of antipathy. Not surprisingly, therefore, with my mother heavily pregnant, with this apple of her eye maturing in her womb, he was particularly reluctant to travel to La Rochelle in the latter part of Narkover's grandes vacances just past. And, his sense of foreboding, so to speak, was partially realized: to wit, I ventured forth into the world a few weeks premature. However, ... Aïe !?... Ah, oui !... There are signs of activity in the bed yonder. ... À tantôt !

Mrs. POND.
Bassett ?

Mr. POND.
Oui, ma chouette ?

Mrs. POND.
Je voudrais une tasse de chocolat chaud, s'il te plaît.

Mr. POND.
Quelle bonne idée ! (As he reaches the door, he turns round and frowns.) Euh,... Pourquoi ?

Mrs. POND.
Puisque j'ai soif, bien sûr. Quoi d'autre ? (She looks up from her book.) Tu pense... Bôf ! Pas devant le bébé !...


9.00 a.m. On this first teaching day of term, Mlle Agnès Gossâge takes a roll-call for her French lesson with the 5th-Remove (Year 11) ...

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Bonjour, mesdemoiselles et messieurs. ... Tout d'abord, je fais l'appel. Mlle Salice Albero.

SALICE.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Soyez la bienvenue, Salice. Comme vous êtes une nouvelle, pourriez-vous nous donner un autoportrait bref, s'il vous plaît ?

SALICE.
En français, Mademoiselle ?

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Oui, bien sûr !

SALICE.
Je suis née à Naples ; j'ai seize ans bientôt ; et mes passe-temps incluent la lecture, la musique et l'équitation.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Merci, Salice... Brown.

BROWN.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
East.

EAST.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Flashman.

FLASHMAN.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Mlle Malice A. Forthort.

MALICE.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Mlle Alice Lidell-Lonsdale.

ALICE.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
McKechnie.

McKECHNIE.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Merridew.

MERRIDEW.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Mumford. (No reply) Mumford !

MUMFORD.
Oh ... er, present, Miss.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Mumford, pas votre langue maternelle : mais en français, s'il vous plaît !

MUMFORD.
Euh,... Désolé, Mademoiselle. Présent. (F. interjects.)

FLASHMAN.
Comme d'habitude, Mumsy était perdu dans ses rêves !

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Flashman, silence ! Je n'accepte pas qu'on m'interrompe ! En voilà une façon de se tenir !?

FLASHMAN.
Je vous en prie de m'excuser, Mademoiselle. (He looks very contrite; she looks at him through her monocle.)

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
D'accord, Flashman... Oui, Alice ?

ALICE.
Mademoiselle, peut-être Mumsy est un peu malentendant ?

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Certainement, c'est dans le domaine du possible. (She looks pensive.) Euh,... Je prendrai rendez-vous avec le médecin. D'accord, Mumford ?

MUMFORD.
Oui, Mademoiselle, merci.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Mmm,... Où en étais-je ?... Ah ! Pattullo.

PATTULLO.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Piggy : mort... Mlle Chalice Poison.

CHALICE.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Unman.

UNMAN.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Wittering.

WITTERING.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Zigo.

ZIGO.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Et maintenant, au boulot ! (She smiles; muffled groans from several of the class.) Le livre au programme cette année, choisit par le comité responsable de l'organisation des examens nationaux, est L'Esprit de Don Quichotte... East, fais les honneurs, s'il vous plaît.

EAST.
Avec plaisir, Mademoiselle...


11.00 a.m. In a laboratory, Drs. Alec D. Stuart and Bob O. Brummel take their first Science lesson of the term with the 5th-Remove ...

Dr. STUART.
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. ... I have the greatest pleasure in introducing you to a new member of Narkover's teaching staff. (He gestures graciously to Dr. B.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Hi! My name is Dr. Bob Oliphant Brummel. I obtained my PhD in biochemistry, from research into the Acetobacter genus, at Michigan State; and, until relatively recently, I was the research director of Hydragyrum Chapelier Vinaigrette in La Rochelle. ...

FLASHMAN.
Sir, are you, perchance, related to Mr. Brummel of Gage High School in Boston?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
I am, yes. On my last visit home, Pop gave me the low down on your behavior in Sault Ste. Marie last summer half-term; indeed, he was not best pleased by the severe disruption of the carefully planned, collaborative ecological studies of Drummond and Cockburn Islands. ... Although Pop used more colorful language, he did warn me that I might be entering a nest of misogynistic recidivists. (Then his tone hardens.) I do hope his warning was unnecessary?! ...

MUMFORD.
Please, Sir, what is Aceto ... um, ... what's-its-name?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
The Acetobacter are a genus of bacteria. ... One species you might have come across is Acetobacter aceti. These bacteria use ethanol as a respiratory substrate in order to release ATP via aerobic respiration; that is: ... (He writes the following equation on the blackboard.)

                                        Acetobacter aceti
C₂H₅OH(aq) + O₂(g) ————————————® CH₃COOH(aq) + H₂O(l) -DE (12 ATP)

ZIGO.
Sir, are they the bacteria that cause wine to turn sour?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Excellent! ... Indeed, the immobilized bacteria are used in a biotechnological process to manufacture ethanoic acid from ethanol.

ALICE.
Did you carry out research into this process at that French company, Sir? (Dr. B. looks quizzically at A.) ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
How perspicacious! (He smiles.) Regrettably, however, I am not at liberty to discuss my work at H.C.V. ... ...

CHALICE.
Sir, are you married?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Oh yes! Chandeleur — my better half — should, at this very moment, be assisting Mlle Gossâge with a Year 9 group.

Dr. STUART.
Thank you, Class! (His tone has a warning edge.) I think that even a second question of a personal nature would be a shade impertinent: so I will plead the Fifth Amendment on Dr. Brummel's behalf. ...

BROWN.
Please, Sir, do we have a project this term?

Dr. STUART.
No, at least not a new one. I would, however, like each of you to continue with last term's suspended project: "The Relationship between the Tropical Rainforests and Dresden". Furthermore, I know that Dr. Brummel has something to say on the subject. ... Bob?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Thank you, Alec. Mmm, ... On both sides of the pond, there is an increasing prediliction for «projects». Accordingly, I would like you to read both Parts III and IV of Gulliver's Travels.

EAST.
For any particular reason, Sir?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Mmm, ... Perhaps? (He smiles enigmatically.) However, I'd prefer not to color your prospective judgments in any way.

UNMAN.
But Gulliver's Travels is a children's book, Sir. (His tone is dismissive.)

MALICE & WITTERING.
No it isn't! (They exclaim simultaneously, and then look at each other in an embarrassed manner; there follows a pregnant pause, broken by ...)

Dr. STUART.
Felix en fausta dies! (He proclaims with a broad smile.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Alec, I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage. Why is this a "happy and auspicious day"?

Dr. STUART.
Aside, that is, from the presence of your good self? (He smiles warmly; Dr. B. looks slightly uncomfortable.) Well, last academic year, the males and the females in this class agreed on absolutely nothing; indeed, guerilla warfare was very much the order of the day. ... So, I view the agreement of Malice and Wittering, though undoubtedly coincidental, to be a most favourable portent. (He then turns to face the class, and peers over the top of his glasses at them with a mischievous glint in his eyes.) ... Yes, McKechnie?

McKECHNIE.
But, Sir, one swallow does not make a summer.

Dr. STUART.
No, indeed! But, when the swallows do eventually arrive en masse, there must be a first swallow leading the flight. ... Now, Class, I think it is high time your noses reacquainted themselves with the grindstone. Dr. Brummel and I have not, as yet, worked out the fine details of our modus operandi. Nevertheless, we have decided, in the first half of term, to expand your knowledge of Mendelian genetics. ... Bob?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Thank you, Alec. Class, you have three initial assignments. First, to complete this Table, ... (He passes one of same to each student.) ... of the commonest terms used in genetics, in pencil, and without reference to your notes. Second, to read thru your notes, followed by emending each answer where necessary. And third, to study carefully your marked script of last summer term's exam.

MERRIDEW.
Sir, ... Dr. Stuart, that is, ... what about the girls?

Dr. STUART.
And, Merridew? (He looks puzzled.)

MERRIDEW.
Well, Sir, none of them were here for last summer's exams; three of them spent the second half of the term in Montréal.

Dr. STUART.
Ah! Merridew, I will give you the benefit of the doubt, and assume you asked your question with the best of intentions. (He looks at M., who is a picture of studied innocence.) ... In point of fact, those three young ladies sat the very same exam, because M. Fouquet was kind enough to supervise them in Montgomery College. And, Salice obtained a set of model answers via Sig. Salieri, when he and his lady wife returned to Naples for their summer holidays. ... Now, Class, having satisfied Merridew's idle curiosity, may I suggest that each of you reacquaints yourself with a pencil? (He smiles; the class get busy.) ...


2.45 p.m. In a classroom, Sig. Arsenio Salieri takes his first General Studies lesson of the term with the 5th-Remove ...

Sig. SALIERI.
Ciao, tutti!

CLASS.
Ciao, Professore. (In slightly patronizing tones.)

Sig. SALIERI.
The Headmaster's lady wife has expressed the wish that, in this end-of-term's carol concert, at least two of the carols should be sung in French. ... Yes, Merridew?

MERRIDEW.
And, the good lady's wish is your command, Sir? (He flashes a waspish smile at Sig. Sal., who looks pensive.) ...

Sig. SALIERI.
Ecco, quando in testa si metton le donne, comunque grillosa, la voglion spuntar. (He utters under his breath; then sighs deeply.) ... Sì, certamente! ... This morning, my Year 10's decided that one of the carols would be Silent Night — en français, Douce nuit, sainte nuit — and that it should be sung, in the original scoring of two male voices with guitar accompaniment, by Year 11 students. ... So, I am looking for volunteers! ... ... ... Yes, Pattullo?

PATTULLO.
Sir, may I be considered, please?

Sig. SALIERI.
Come rinfrescante! Sì, volentieri. Grazie mille, Pattullo. Anybody else? (No response.) Pazienze! ... A second carol, to be sung by three Year 10's, will be chosen by you: here and now! ... I am going to play three carols by 18th century Czech composers; and I would like each of you to write down your order of preference, please. D'accordo? Bene! First, Edmund Pascha's Aux montagnes, mes amis, aux montagnes. (He plays said music; about 3 minutes later ...) Second, Jakub Ryba's Mon rossignol mélodieux. (Plays said music; about 4 minutes later ...) And third, Jirí Linek's Dors, mon petit enfant, dors. (Plays said music; about 2 minutes later ...) Alice, please collect the voting slips.

ALICE.
Yes, Sir. (She does so; then passes them to Sig. Sal.) ...

Sig. SALIERI.
Eccellente! The clear preference is for Ryba's My Melodious Nightingale. I'm sure that Lolli, Popsy, and Shandy in Year 10 will approve of your choice. ... Yes, Merridew?

MERRIDEW.
Sir, surely the only thing those girls have in common with a nightingale is that they are bird-brained!?

Sig. SALIERI.
I beg your pardon!?

MERRIDEW.
Well, Sir, their entire vocabulary appears to consist simply of twee expressions, like "Jolly super!", "Gosh!", "Golly!", and the like. (His tone is dismissive.)

MALICE.
Sir, fools and their thoughts are soon parted! (Her tone is dismissive.)

Sig. SALIERI.
Malice, I certainly agree with the sentiment: nevertheless, I do feel that you may be merely adding fuel to the flames? (His tone is mildly reproving.)

MALICE.
Yes, Sir, I'm sorry. (Sig. Sal. acknowledges her apology.)

Sig. SALIERI.
Merridew, your puerile sense of wit evinced a lack of both maturity and good manners! (Me. looks embarrassed.)

MERRIDEW.
Yes, Sir. I am very sorry. (He looks contrite.)

Sig. SALIERI.
May I take it that you will apologize to the young ladies in Year 10 at the first opportunity? (Me. nods his head.) Bene! Indirectly, you also cast aspersions on their vocal qualities: so can I assume that you have greater confidence in your own?

MERRIDEW.
Er, ... I couldn't really say, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Merridew, although modesty certainly becomes you, I do feel that your voice is more than adequate to accompany Pattullo in Silent Night. D'accordo?

MERRIDEW.
Yes, Sir. ... I suppose so, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Bravo! That's settled then! ... Yes, Merridew?

MERRIDEW.
Sir, I have the distinct feeling that, one way or t'other, I have been hoisted with my own petard.

GIRLS.
Perish the thought! (A., C., and M. in unison)

Sig. SALIERI.
Thank you, ladies. A little decorum, if you please! (He betrays a hint of a smile.) ... To take us to the bell, you are going to listen to harpsichord music on the nightingale theme; that is, Alessandro Poglietti's Rossignolo cycle ...


5.45 p.m. In the school grounds, Pattullo is standing, in a respectful manner, before a plaque which reads Hat Wissensdrang Xavier Getötet?; Chalice walks towards him ...

CHALICE.
Hello, Pattullo. What are you doing, ... here, I mean?

PATTULLO.
Oh! I came to pay my respects; I remembered that Piggy died a year ago today. I am sorry, Chalice; would you like me to leave?

CHALICE.
Er, ... No. No need. ... Spats, I never knew him; what was my brother Xavier like?

PATTULLO.
Mmm, ... I suppose his most noteworthy characteristics were his sense of reason and his independence.

CHALICE.
You mean he was a loner?

PATTULLO.
No; not at all. Um, ... For better or worse — the latter probably — our Year group has always been a tightly knit one: but Piggy never tolerated peer pressure. ... More often than not, he... (The bell for high-tea rings.)

CHALICE.
Oh dear! (She sighs.) Thank you anyway, Spats. ...


10.00 p.m. Mlle Gossâge and Mrs. Brummel (née Chandeleur Fouquet), having completed their inspection of the Year 10 and 11 dorms, are standing at one end of a corridor ...

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Mesdemoiselles! (She trills. Their high-spirited cacophony ceases immediately.) C'est la période de lire !

LOLLI.
Misère ! Excusez-moi, Mademoiselle, on doit lire un roman en français ?

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Bôf! Périssez la pensée! (She smiles.) Non, ... n'importe quel livre édifiant fera l'affaire... Cependant, comme dit le proverbe, «on ne saurait faire boire un âne qui n'a pas soif» ! (She goes into Salice's dorm.) Ah, Salice, est-ce que vous vous installez ici ? (Her tone is solicitous.)

SALICE.
Oui, merci, Mademoiselle ; je m'y plais.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
C'est bon !... Et, quel livre est-ce que vous lisez ?

SALICE.
Je lis un roman de la baronne Orczy, Le Mouron Rouge conduit le Bal, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
C'est pas particulièrement édifiant, Salice ? (She smiles.)

SALICE.
C'est juste, Mademoiselle ; mais ses romans sont passionnants et faciles à lire. (Mlle G. nods, smiles, then leaves.)

POPSY.
Moi, Mademoiselle! ... Euh, ... Comme le trimestre dernier, est-ce que nous écoutons de musique classique chaque soir ?

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Oui, bien sûr, mes petites vautours de culture. Et ce soir, un suite orchestral de Telemann: Burlesque de Don Quichotte, en sol majeur, pour cordes et continuo... Bon. Quand la musique a achevé, n'oubliez pas d'éteindre vos lumières, s'il vous plaît. Bonne nuit, mesdemoiselles ! (Chorus of "Bonne nuit, Mademoiselle." She plays said music; then leaves.) ...


10.45 p.m. Five of the sans-culottes — Flashman, McKechnie, Merridew, Wittering, and Zigo — are seated around a table in the pavilion ...

McKECHNIE.
À la ordre, messieurs. Quelqu'un a laissé une gerbe... de belladones, j'dirais. (He sweeps away the flowers.) Mmm,... On est cinq. Où sont Spats et les autres ?... Witters?

WITTERING.
Spats avait déjà commencé à lire Les Voyages de Gulliver ; et les autres sont bordés dans leurs lits, Duncan.

McKECHNIE.
Bien,... apparemment, ils veulent se refaire une virginité ce trimestre ; à chacun son dû !... D'abord et d'une, Flashy, quelle est ton impression sur cette nouvelle — Salice ?

FLASHMAN.
La plupart du temps, aujourd'hui, elle a gardé le silence pendant nos cours : ainsi, en ce momemt, je n'ai aucune ideé. Mais, chose intéressante, mon petit doigt m'a dit qu'elle est nièce de Arsenic !

WITTERING.
C'est surprenant ; après tout, Sig. Sal. n'est pas une peinture à l'huile ! Certainement, Salice n'a rien de son oncle.

McKECHNIE.
Mmm,... Passons au point suivant ?... Bob Oliphant Brummel. Quel nom ! Je te demande un peu !? On assume ses parents ont le sens d'humour capricieux ? (They all laugh softly.) ... Je suggère que nous lui donnons le sobriquet de «Beau»... On est d'accord ? (The other four all nod in assent.) Et maintenant, nous... (Z. interjects.)

ZIGO.
Chut ! Écoutez bien! (All five listen carefully.) ... Un bruit de sabots, n'est-ce pas ?

FLASHMAN.
Oui, Ziggy, les sabots des chevaux !

MERRIDEW.
Je jette un coup d'œil. (Cautiously, he looks through a pavilion window.) Mince alors ! Les quatre filles montent aux chevaux... On dirait, elles sont carrément, à plus d'un égard, «Les quatre pouliches» ! (The other four all groan good-naturedly.)

WITTERING.
Jack, quel calembour mauvais ! (M. smiles ruefully.) ... Qu'est-ce qu'elles font, maintenant ?

MERRIDEW.
Rien de particulier, juste... elles font tour de pavillon. Un moment ! C'est même bizarre !

ZIGO.
Qu'est que c'est que ça ? Les filles sont nues ?

MERRIDEW.
Tu veux dire les descendantes spirituelles de Lady Godiva ? Bôf ! Ça serait trop beau ! Non, chaque cape rouge est brodé à une lettre majuscule.

FLASHMAN.
Laquelle... ou lesquelles ?

MERRIDEW.
Euh,... Je les vois à peine... Ah ! Alice porte la lettre 'C' ; Chalice a la lettre 'G' ; Malice a la lettre 'A' ; ... et Salice a la lettre 'T'... C'est ça, oui.

ZIGO.
Tu plaisantes !?

MERRIDEW.
Pas du tout : voyez vous-même ! (The other four all look through the window; then whisper agreement.)

ZIGO.
Jack, sauf s'elles sont les hologrammes, tu as tout à fait raison !

FLASHMAN.
Bien sûr que oui ! C'est-à-dire, les initiales des bases que sont présentes dans l'acide désoxyribonucléique...

WITTERING.
Jack, m'est avis qu'elles sont «Les quatre Houyhnhnms» ou même «Les quatre cavalières de l'Apocalypse», peut-être ?... Quoi qu'il en soit, tout à coup, j'ai un peu froid. (He shivers slightly.)

McKECHNIE.
Moi aussi !... Lorsque les filles partirent, on retournerait à dorto ? (The other four all nod in assent.) ...


11.15 p.m. Listening to Telemann's Grillen-Sinfonie, Dr. S. walks over to his study's windows, and draws close the curtains; the trees are in full-leaf: and there are five ravens, each one carrying a model Yahoo in its beak, perched on the pavilion roof ...


11.00 a.m. One of the 5th-Remove's Science lessons in the 2nd week of the term ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Good morning, Class. The standard of work reflected in your assignments continues to impress me favorably. But there is a fly in my soup; ... well, four flies to be exact. Brown, East, Mumford, and Unman each used my worksheet to construct a paper plane! (All four boys look guilty and embarrassed.) Brown, would be so kind as to come to the front?

BROWN.
Yes, Sir.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Refold your worksheet, and then let us see your plane fly. (B. folds same; then launches the paper plane, which rapidly spirals to the floor to a chorus of muffled, ironic cheers.) Thank you, Brown, please seat down now. ... I test flew the creations of the other three miscreants; they were no better than Brown's effort. Now, behold my effort. (He launches a paper plane, which glides gracefully around the room to a chorus of muffled noises of appreciation.) ... I consider the matter now closed: except to warn each one of you that my detentions are very laborious indeed! ... I'm returning your marked assignment, together with a pristine copy of my own version of the Table. (He returns each student's work, together with a copy of the Table below.)

Table of some important terms in Mendelian genetics
Term	Definition or Description
Gene *	The basic unit of inheritance; i.e., an inheritable characteristic
Allele †	One of a number of alternative forms of a gene; such alternatives arise one from another by mutations.
Genotype ‡	The alleles present for a specific characteristic
Phenotype	The physical/chemical expression of the genotype, as determined by the interaction between an organism's genotype and its developmental environment.
Dominant allele	One allele of a pair which has an effect on the phenotype when homozygous or heterozygous: shown in a genetic diagram by a capital letter; e.g., A
Recessive allele	One allele of a pair which only has an effect on the phenotype when homozygous: shown in a genetic diagram by a small letter; e.g., a
Codominant alleles	Both alleles of a pair have an effect on the phenotype when heterozygous: each is shown in a genetic diagram by a capital letter; e.g., B C
Sex-linked allele §	An alternative form of a gene which is carried on an X or Y (sex) chromosome: shown in a genetic diagram by a superscript over the chromosome; e.g., XD
Homozygous	Where two alleles for a characteristic are the same; e.g., EE or ee
Heterozygous	Where two alleles for a characteristic are different; e.g., Ee
F1 generation	The offspring of pure-breeding homozygous parents
F2 generation	The offspring of a cross between the F1 generation
* In Mendelian genetics, the terms gene and allele have distinctly different meanings. In molecular genetics, however, both terms have (rather unfortunately) acquired the same meaning; i.e., the sequence of nucleotides which code for the biosynthesis of one polypeptide (and, strictly, this can be the only self-consistent definition of an allele). And, to add to yet more confusion, there is a tendency to use gene (in the singular) when genes would be more appropriate (because many proteins consist of more than one polypeptide). † A mutation is the spontaneous change in the DNA or RNA nucleotide base sequence. ‡ Alleles can be very numerous, but, on the chromosomes, each gene can be represented by only two alleles (i.e., one paternal and the other maternal). § Sex-linkage is often determined from an examination of a family tree; thus, an unequal distribution of phenotypes between males and females is usually attributable to sex-linkage.

Dr. STUART.
Class! ... Your undivided attention, please. ... Dr. Brummel will be testing each of you for colour blindness, so as to obtain data for a planned lesson on this sex-linked trait; I will be discussing, with each of you, last term's exam; and, when you are not being seen individually, we would like you to do some background reading, and write a few sketch notes, on colour and colour perception. ... To start, Merridew with Dr. Brummel, and Alice with me ...


11.00 p.m. In the Headmaster's bedroom, Mr. and Mrs. Pond are sleeping; their son is in his cot ...

BÉBÉ POND.
Gentle thespian, the first leaves of autumn have fallen at Narkover: but whether this is an evocation of the season of mellow fruitfulness or a fanfare of muted trumpets presaging the mixed blessings of Yuletide, is a moot point. However, what is certain is that there have been blots on the horizon of my otherwise blissfully simple and carefree existence: to wit, I have been plagued by females of the species. Thus, my lady mother has decided — certainly against my better judgement — that the maternal skills of le beau sexe at Narkover should be cultivated by contact with your decidedly reluctant hero; accordingly, I have been visited by platoons of the pinafore brigade, with their indignities. The visit from the Year 11's was a distinctly unsettling affair: ... I accepted their gift of 4 toy Trojan-horses, coloured white, red, black, and pale; though Malice, in her usual forthright manner, referred to me as plutôt laid — and, whilst I do tend to look at myself in a rose-tinted mirror, I feel sure that you'll agree that her description of me as "rather ugly" was more than a mite severe. Nevertheless, their visit was mercifully free of vocal inanities. Bôf ! Not so those of the Year 10's: ... with Lolli, Popsy, and Shandy leading the charge, these girls inflicted upon me the whole gamut of words and phrases in «The Horse Trialist's Revision Guide to Verbal Twaddle». But, "golly gosh", their phraseology proved a veritable Parnassus of prose compared to the mind-numbing nonsense uttered by the Year 9's: ... "aah", "de-de", "gug", and "coochi-coo" are merely a few examples of the gibberish perpetrated upon me. Admittedly, neither you nor I could or should expect these developing neophytes to serenade me with quotations from The Bard of Avon — whom, doubtless, they are flogging to death in their lessons — on t'other hand, there must be a disturbingly serious flaw in their education for them to consider that their babble will be understood by me. Be that as it may, I reached my nadir a couple of days ago with a visit from the Australian triplets, Holly, Molly, and Polly; their gushy balderdash, in triplicate, would have made a grown man weep, ... and certainly made me do so, with an unexpected, though pleasing, outcome: they vanished tout à coup. I intend to use this new weapon in my armoury ... (He yawns.) ... Misère !... Je vous prie de m'excuser ; j'ai sommeil... À tantôt !...


11.00 a.m. One of the 5th-Remove's Science lessons in the 4th week of the term ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Good morning, Class. Dr. Stuart is indisposed this morning: so I will be flying solo. (He smiles; then launches a paper plane, which glides gracefully: the faces of the class show either neutrality or disdain.) I can see you have no intention of humoring me, so I'll move swiftly onto more serious fare! A couple of weeks ago, I tested everybody for color blindness; only one of your number proved so. ... Yes, Flashman?

FLASHMAN.
Me, Sir. I'm red-blind.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
That you are; thank you for being so upfront, Flashman. (He smiles warmly at F.; then addresses the class.) Flashman's trait, occasionally known as daltonism, affects about 8% of males in most Caucasian populations; so, it's not surprising to find at least one such student in a class of this size. ... Each human has at least one inherited trait that is less than ideal for perfect health or functioning. ... Yes, East?

EAST.
Sir, could you give us some examples, please?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Sure! ... Um, ... Because a textbook provides details, I'll limit myself to a few probable exemplars from within the school; ... I say probable, because I would need to examine both family pedigree charts and personal medical records to be certain. ... Dr. Stuart is short-sighted, ... Salice is asthmatic (S. nods.); ... Pattullo is diabetic (P. nods); ... and Mumford's hearing impairment may also be inherited. ... Speaking of which, Mumford, Matron Nightingale has asked me to remind you of your appointment with Dr. Krautmann this afternoon; at 2 p.m.?

MUMFORD.
Yes, Sir. ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Class, I would like to focus now on the inheritance of color blindness. ... And, our starting point will be the necessary background chemistry, which I have summarized on the board. (He scrolls down the same.)

... First, the rods and cones of the retina contain millions of molecules of rhodopsin. This pigment is biosynthesized by reaction of the bonded oxygen of 11-cis-retinal with a free amino group of the protein opsin. ... Because this reaction involves elimination of water, it is known as ...? Chalice!?

CHALICE.
A condensation reaction, Sir.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Good! .... Here, of course, this will be an enzyme-catalyzed condensation reaction. ... And, second, the crucial primary process in vision involves photochemical isomerization of cis-rhodopsin to trans-rhodopsin; and, as the diagram shows, these are isomers. ... Defined as ...? McKechnie!?

McKECHNIE.
Er, ... Compounds which have the same molecular formula but different structural formulae, Sir.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Good! ... Now, in order to obtain a partial understanding of the subsequent processes, you need to examine models of the two isomers. And so, working in pairs, I would like you to construct molecular models of cis and trans retinal. (The class get busy; about 5 minutes later ...) Brown and East, what is the most noticeable difference between the pair?

BROWN.
Well, Sir, the cis-isomer is much more compact?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Correct! This compact shape allows the cis-polyene fragment to sit snugly into a pocket on the surface of the opsin. By contrast, the trans-polyene fragment fits poorly into this pocket: and so the opsin changes its ...? Zigo? ...

ZIGO.
Topography, by any chance, Sir?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Excellent! This change in rhodopsin's 3-dimensional shape initiates a sequence of steps that results in nerve impulses being sent to the brain. ... Yes, Alice?

ALICE.
Sir, ... I thought, um, ... from my background reading, that there were at least five opsins?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Correct! Well done! One is blue-sensitive; another is red-sensitive; and the other three are green-sensitive. ... And, each opsin is coded for by one ...? Unman!?

UNMAN.
Gene, Sir.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Good! And, this leads us neatly onto the genetic basis for the sex-linked trait of color blindness. Specifically, the red and green genes occur only on X-chromosomes: so, those males who lack one or the other dominant alleles display one of the two commonest types of color blindness; that is, red-blind and green-blind. (He scrolls down the board.)

... I have summarized the relevant genetics, for the inheritance of red-blindness, on the board; I will give you five minutes to read thru this information, before taking questions. (He do so; about five minutes later ...) Yes, Malice?

MALICE.
I read somewhere that the Y-chromosome is genetically empty. (She betrays the merest hint of a smile.) ... So, Sir, in a genetic sense, a female is unequivocally superior to a male?

WITTERING.
Bollocks!! ... Oh! ... I'm so very sorry, Sir. ... ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
I accept your apology: this first and only time. (His face and tone are severe.) However, whether Malice will be so magnanimous when you apologize unreservedly to her, ... as you undoubtedly will, (W. nods.) ... remains to be seen. Mmm, ... Setting aside your deplorable bad manners in using swear words in the presence of le beau sexe, Wittering, your choice of expletive was particularly infelicitous. ... Thus, the current evidence indicates that there is just one gene on the Y-chromosome; this is known as the testis determining factor (TDF) gene, and is ultimately responsible for all the anatomical, physiological and behavioral differences between the sexes. So, however galling it may be for the male ego, Malice's statement is, in essence, almost completely true. (All four girls smile quietly: all the boys look downcast.) ... Yes, Salice?

SALICE.
Sir, is the X-chromosome responsible for female traits?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Curiously, no! ... It's the absence of the TDF gene, on the Y-chromosome, which effectively determines the development of characteristic female traits. ... Yes, Pattullo?

PATTULLO.
And, Sir, are these coded for by genes on the X-chromosome?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Once again, no; or, more precisely, not exclusively. Thus, genes coding for various aspects of sexuality are present on several chromosomes, apart from the sex ones. Moreover, the X-chromosome contains genes which are partially responsible for, amongst others, the normal development of muscle, skin, and cognitive abilities. Mmm, ... Merridew, you have been unusually quiet?

MERRIDEW.
Yes, Sir. ... I feel it is prudent to keep my counsel in the face of such overwhelming superiority. (With a poker face, he glances briefly at each girl.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Hmph! Wittingly, or, ... otherwise, ... with a few «master» strokes, I do appear to have rekindled the embers of enmity between males and females of the species in this class. (He smiles.) ... Be that as it may, in a perhaps vain attempt to douse the flickering flames, I think individual study would be most opportune. And, in this context, I would like you now to construct genetic diagrams for the phenotypes shown on the board. (The class get busy.) ...


2.00 p.m. In his bedroom, Dr. S. is reading in bed; Matron Nightingale knocks on his door ...

Dr. STUART.
Veni! (She enters.) Oh! Good afternoon, Matron.

MATRON.
Good afternoon, Dr. Stuart ! (Her tone is brisk.) I heard that you had taken to your bed. Now, what appears to be the problem!?

Dr. STUART.
Recently, I have needed to get up about three times a night to urinate; it's making me feel quite tired during the day.

MATRON.
Mmm, ... Has there been any further decrease in the force of your urine stream?

Dr. STUART.
Um, ... Possibly, yes, Matron.

MATRON.
Mmm, ... what about a further increase in the abnormal delay in starting the stream?

Dr. STUART.
Definitely, yes, Matron.

MATRON.
Those symptoms suggest to me that your prostate problem is getting worse; perhaps I should take a quick look?

Dr. STUART.
That is absolutely out of the question! I'm déshabille; and a gentleman does not... (She interrupts.)

MATRON.
Hmph! It's my view that a gentleman is nothing more or less than a grown specimen of manhood! ... But, please yourself! Let me see. ... Ah yes! At the moment, Dr. Krautmann will be conducting an ear-examination on Mumford, in Year 11; but I will ask him to pop in and see you when he's finished?

Dr. STUART.
Thank you, Matron. ...


4.35 p.m. Brown, East, Mumford, and Unman are mooching around the room allocated to the hobby of handicraft; Sig. Sal. enters ...

Sig. SALIERI.
Ciao, tutti! Mi dispiace che sono in ritardo. ... La mia metà. (He sighs.) Now, last time we met, none of you had any clear ideas what you wanted to make this term. Dunque, giovanotti, any progress? ...

UNMAN.
Me and Scud... (Sig. Sal. frowns.) ... I mean, Scud and I would like to construct something using Gulliver's Travels as a theme, Sir.

EAST.
Yes, Sir. But Jock considers the idea a bit naff.

BROWN.
Oh, Sir, that's not true exactly; I think Hombré and Scud are misrepresenting me a bit. Er, ... I just feel we ought to tackle something ... different in some way?

Sig. SALIERI.
Fair enough. But, East, what has attracted you and Unman to Gulliver's Travels in the first place?

EAST.
Um, ... Dr. Brummel asked us to read the book, Sir; though I'm only about halfway through. (Sig. Sal. acknowledges.)

Sig. SALIERI.
Mumford, you're quiet. ... Didn't the doctor's appointment go too well this morning? (His tone is solicitous.)

MUMFORD.
Oh, not too bad, thank you, Sir. Dr. Krautmann said he'd like me to see an ear specialist to confirm his diagnosis.

Sig. SALIERI.
Bene! Ecco, ... Mumford, perhaps you have a good idea?

MUMFORD.
Well, Sir, I'm not sure that it is a particularly good one, but I thought ... er, ... some type of board game?

BROWN.
Oh yes, Sir! Um, ... Especially if we use Hombré and Scud's theme! (E., M., and U. all look enthusiastic.)

Sig. SALIERI.
That's settled then! ... But! (He looks downcast.) ...

UNMAN.
That's not fair, Sir! You said... (Sig. Sal. interrupts.)

Sig. SALIERI.
Il mio piccolo scherzo; mi dispiace. (He smiles; the boys look relieved.) Nevertheless, so that we can make progress next time we meet, you must complete reading the book and bring along some substantive ideas; whereas I will re-read the book. D'accordo? (The boys nod in assent.) ...


11.15 p.m. Sig. Sal., in a dressing gown, is looking out of his study's windows; his lady wife, Vespina, is in the bedroom adjacent to the study ...

VESPINA.
Arsenio !?

Sig. SALIERI.
Moi ? (His tone is distracted.)

VESPINA.
Oui ! Qui d'autre !?... Tu as oublié le beau sexe ?

Sig. SALIERI.
Certainement pas, ma chérie. (He sighs deeply but quietly.)

VESPINA.
Tu fatigues de moi, peut-être ?

Sig. SALIERI.
Péris la pensée ! (Then, under his breath ...) Jusqu'à ce que la mort nous separé !? (He sighs; grimaces; takes a deep breath; then goes through the connecting door.) Ah, l'amour de ma vie,... du chocolat ?...

________________________________________________________________________________________

1. There is an atom called hydrogen, whose nucleus occupies a volume which is lilliputian; its one, positively charged proton is balanced by one, negatively charged extra-nuclear electron: which occupies a volume which is decidedly brobdingnagian.

2. There is a 13th element named aluminium, that the Americans rather illogically call aluminum. This is no matter to a mad-hattered Yahoo, despite the existence of gallium, indium, and thallium too: but if one be a Houyhnhnm, such an infelicity might attract opprobrium.

3. There is a 16th element named sulfur, which the British mistakenly spell as sulphur. This is no matter to the Lady Godiva, nor to Dapple munching the alfalfa: but should her ass espy another, then linguistic niceties become a bother.

4. There should be stable elements in the sea of tranquility, although not yet discovered by scientists or Rosinante; they have been predicted by those Laputians of Lagado, who do hope to change the status quo: but their search may prove an exercise in futility, as were those windmills to Don Quixote.

________________________________________________________________________________________

11.00 a.m. The 5th-Remove's Science lesson on the last morning before half-term ...

Dr. STUART.
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. ... Thus far, you have seen and, indeed, practised exemplars of all but one of the terms in Dr. Brummel's Table of Mendelian genetics. (He waits as each member of the class roots out same. ...) That omission is rectified, now! (He scrolls down the board.)

... The blackboard shows the appropriate genetic diagrams for a straightforward example of codominance; which is splendidly illustrated by the common snapdragon, ... Antirrhinum majus. (He shows photographs of same to the class, who then start copying the genetic diagrams into their notes; about ten or so minutes later. ...) Although we have now finished work on classical genetics, this term, I'll give you forewarning that the topic will reappear next term; ... important traits like blood groups, sickle-cell anaemia, and haemophilia will all be on the menu. ... And now, I believe Dr. Brummel has a bonne bouche for you. ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Thank you, Alec. Yes indeed! (He smiles.) Class, so as to ensure that your brain cells are not wasting away over half-term, I have a modest assignment for you. (To a chorus of barely suppressed groans, he passes a copy of an incompleted table to each student. ...) The Table before you summarizes a few biotechnology processes. ... I have inserted the names of both the reactants and micro-organisms; and, what I would like you to do is determine either the name or the chemical formula of the product or products. ... Being as it is half-term, Dr. Stuart and I are going to allow you to leave class early: but, you might care to visit the library? (The class take their leave with indecent haste.) ...


11.00 p.m. In the Headmaster's bedroom on the first night of half-term, Mr. and Mrs. Pond are sleeping; their son is in his cot ...

BÉBÉ POND.
Gentle thespian, almost all the boarders have left for their half-term hols. Up until last year, my father had permitted any student to stay at Narkover over half-term. However, he revoked this privilege because several of the gentlemen — and I use the term loosely — in this Year 11 had indulged in several kinds of mischief during last winter's half-term. But, with admirable generosity of spirit, he has relented so as to allow the four young ladies in Year 11 to stay in the grace and favour apartment of Salice's uncle and aunt — the Salieris — ostensibly to celebrate Salice's impending 16th birthday; although, entre nous, I have overheard the occasional reference to both handicraft and Fortune-Tellers. ... Be that as it may, such parochial affairs must pale into insignificance when set alongside my impending celebration; to wit, my christening in La Rochelle! ... À tantôt !...

________________________________________________________________________________________

5. Few (if any) mature scientists would demur from the view that one's understanding of science is intimately connected to one's knowledge of structure and bonding. Unfortunately, the level of knowledge acquired by a student or a layperson, from a typical introductory course, is not sufficient to allow him or her to understand, even in part, most topics published in either popular or learned journals (such as New Scientist, Scientific American, or Nature).

Strictly speaking, there is no credible method of removing this barrier to understanding, apart from following an advanced course that contains the requisite technical details: and obviously, this may be, for a wide variety of reasons, either an undesirable or an impractical option. On the other hand, and in principle at least, the barrier can be partially removed by an ostensibly small increase in one's knowledge of structure and bonding, using Year 9 and 10 precepts of energy levels. ...

[5a] Energy Levels; Precepts [5b] Energy Levels; Atomic Hydrogen [5c] Energy Levels; Neutral Atoms [5d] Covalent Bonding; Mechanism [5e] Covalent Bonding; Localized Single Bonds [5f] Covalent Bonding; Localized Multiple Bonds [5g] Covalent Bonding; Delocalized Bonds [5h] Selected Theoretical Data

5a. Energy Levels; Precepts
Each diagram in Figure 5a(a-h) shows an infinite number of steps, each 1.0 m in height, and a 1.0 kg ball which is either occupying a step or being transferred from one step to another; each step may be correctly and usefully viewed as an energy level.

Figure 5a(a-h)

Figure 5a(a) shows a 1 kg ball occupying the ground step or, rephrased, the 1 kg ball is in the highest occupied energy level (HOEL); all the other steps are unoccupied, including, and in particular, the lowest unoccupied energy level (LUEL) positioned 1 m above HOEL. The energy (E) of the ball is 0 kJ (i.e., E = m × g × h = 1.0 × 10 × 0.0 = 0 kJ).

Figures 5a(b) and 5a(d) show, respectively, the ball being transferred from the ground to the 1st step (i.e., from HOEL to LUEL) and from the ground to the 2nd step; each process is endergonic (+DE); i.e., energy is absorbed (for example, by transducing chemical or mechanical energy to potential energy, via kinetic energy).

Figures 5a(c) and 5a(e) show, respectively, the ball now occupying the 1st and 2nd steps; it has acquired 10 kJ of potential energy on the 1st step [Figure 5a(c)] and 20 kJ on the 2nd step [Figure 5a(e)].

Figure 5a(f) shows the ball being transferred back from the 1st to the ground step: this process is exergonic (-DE); i.e., energy is released (which, typically, may be as heat and sound energy transduced from potential energy, via kinetic energy).

Figure 5a(g) shows the ball being transferred from the 1st to the 2nd step; once transferred it will have acquired another 10 kJ of potential energy. And, obviously, each similar transfer from a lower to a higher step (or energy level) will result in the ball acquiring the additional potential energy.

Figure 5a(h) shows the ball being transferred from the ground step (or HOEL) to the (idealized) infinite step, where the Earth's gravitational force will be zero; and, here, the ball will no longer be attracted to the Earth. So, with mischief aforethought, one can say that the hugely endergonic process of transferring the ball from HOEL to infinity, in discrete steps, will result in the ball becoming «ionized».

And finally, these precepts hold true: firstly, even when the steps are of non-uniform height (an interesting architectural phenomenon), though the numerical values would be different; and secondly, in both free and bonded atoms, where energy levels of non-uniform height tend to be the rule rather than the exception.

5b. Energy Levels; Atomic Hydrogen
Each diagram in Figure 5b(a-c) is a representation of the structure of a hydrogen atom, whose one electron is either occupying an energy level or being transferred from one energy level to another.

Figure 5b(a-c)

Figure 5b(a) summarizes the structure of the ground state of a hydrogen atom; i.e., a nucleus of 1 (positively charged) proton, 1 extra-nuclear (negatively charged) electron occupying the lowest atomic energy level (HOEL), and an illustrative number of unoccupied atomic energy levels of higher energy.

Figure 5b(b) summarizes two of several possible transfers of a hydrogen atom's single electron from one atomic energy level to another. First, its endergonic transfer from the ground level to the unoccupied energy level of lowest energy (i.e., from HOEL to LUEL), so forming a hydrogen atom (with increased potential energy) in its first excited state (H*). And second, its exergonic transfer from this excited state back to the ground state.

Figure 5b(c) summarizes the ionization of atomic hydrogen; i.e., the transfer of its electron from the ground-state (or HOEL) to infinity, so forming a hydrogen ion; the value of this hugely endergonic process, DE = +1370 kJ/mol, is known as the ionization potential of hydrogen.

5c. Energy Levels; Neutral Atoms
[The ground state electronic structure is the lowest-energy arrangement of the electrons in each free, gaseous, neutral atom of an element.]

Each neutral atom of an element consists of a nucleus of Z protons and (A - Z) neutrons, together with Z extra-nuclear electrons; where Z is the atomic number and A is the mass number. The extra-nuclear electrons are arranged in atomic energy levels; the first four of these can hold a maximum of 2, 8, 18, and 32 electrons, respectively. The ground state electronic structure of any atom is determined by a simple principle: namely, electrons are arranged in such a way that their total energy is a minimum. The Table below shows two different methods of representing such electronic structures for all 36 elements in Periods 1 to 4.

		Occupancies of the main energy levels	Occupancies of the sub-levels of the main energy levels (†)
Group	ZAtom	1st 2nd 3rd 4th	1st 2nd 3rd 4th
1	1H	1	1s1
18	2He	2	1s2
1	3Li	2, 1	1s2, 2s1
2	4Be	2, 2	1s2, 2s2
13	5B	2, 3	1s2, 2s2 2p1
14	6C	2, 4	1s2, 2s2 2p2
15	7N	2, 5	1s2, 2s2 2p3
16	8O	2, 6	1s2, 2s2 2p4
17	9F	2, 7	1s2, 2s2 2p5
18	10Ne	2, 8	1s2, 2s2 2p6
1	11Na	2, 8, 1	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s1
2	12Mg	2, 8, 2	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2
13	13Al	2, 8, 3	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p1
14	14Si	2, 8, 4	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p2
15	15P	2, 8, 5	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p3
16	16S	2, 8, 6	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p4
17	17Cl	2, 8, 7	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p5
18	18Ar	2, 8, 8	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6
1	19K	2, 8, 8, 1	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d0, 4s1
2	20Ca	2, 8, 8, 2	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d0, 4s2
3	21Sc	2, 8, 9, 2	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d1, 4s2
4	22Ti	2, 8, 10, 2	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d2, 4s2
5	23V	2, 8, 11, 2	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d3, 4s2
6	24Cr	2, 8, 13, 1	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d5, 4s1
7	25Mn	2, 8, 13, 2	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d5, 4s2
8	26Fe	2, 8, 14, 2	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d6, 4s2
9	27Co	2, 8, 15, 2	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d7, 4s2
10	28Ni	2, 8, 16, 2	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d8, 4s2
11	29Cu	2, 8, 18, 1	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d10, 4s1
12	30Zn	2, 8, 18, 2	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d10, 4s2
13	31Ga	2, 8, 18, 3	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d10, 4s2 4p1
14	32Ge	2, 8, 18, 4	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d10, 4s2 4p2
15	33As	2, 8, 18, 5	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d10, 4s2 4p3
16	34Se	2, 8, 18, 6	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d10, 4s2 4p4
17	35Br	2, 8, 18, 7	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d10, 4s2 4p5
18	36Kr	2, 8, 18, 8	1s2, 2s2 2p6, 3s2 3p6 3d10, 4s2 4p6
† The superscripts indicate the number of electrons in each sub-level; for example, 3p5 means that there are 5 electrons in the 3p sub-level.

The detailed electronic structures, as shown in the right hand column of this Table, are included here only for reference purposes, because both their derivation and explanation are properly in the domain of an advanced course. The simplified electronic structures, as shown in the left hand column, can be conveniently represented by simple electron-structure diagrams; Figure 5c shows five exemplars.

Figure 5c

These simplified electronic structures beg an important question; i.e., are they over-simplifications? And, perhaps disturbingly, the brutally honest answer to this question is yes, ... under certain circumstances; as the following notes should both exemplify and illuminate ...

Professors F. Cotton and G. Wilkinson, who are both eminent scientists and co-authors of widely esteemed textbooks, having examined the data extensively and rigorously, have written: "Little of the chemistry of silicon can be inferred from that of carbon." And unsurprisingly, both the student and the layperson will, having noted that carbon forms more compounds than any other element apart from hydrogen, certainly receive this bald statement with disappointment and also probably with a degree of incomprehension; this latter because carbon and silicon are clearly anomalous to a useful rule of thumb: i.e., 'elements in the same Group of the Periodic Table show similar chemistry because they have the same number of valence electrons'. Furthermore, to compound one's misery, so to speak, a mature scientist, by drawing upon advanced theoretical models, would reason 'whilst carbon and silicon do have the same number of valence electrons (4), their chemistry should differ because of the very different characteristics of their occupied and unoccupied energy levels and sub-levels'.

Broadly speaking, the fundamental reason for every limitation which is revealed by the use of simplified electronic structures inherently lies in viewing the electron purely as a particle: whereas the properties of an electron are consistent with its dual behaviour as a particle and a wave. But, because the evidence for, and consequences of, this duality are in the domain of an advanced course, common sense dictates that one should acknowledge this important caveat: and then move on ...

5d. Covalent Bonding; Mechanism
Bonding between atoms, which occurs because the substance formed has a lower energy than its constituent atoms, is achieved by redistributing their valence electrons. And, in covalent bonding, the mechanism of redistribution involves the atoms sharing two or more electrons in one or more newly-formed molecular energy levels; as exemplified below ...

Consider two hydrogen atoms, Ha and Hb. The potential energy of each electron, in its own separate atomic energy level, is reduced when both electrons enter a molecular energy level which encompasses both nuclei; and, as a result of forming a covalent bond, their potential energy is transduced to heat energy: so, bond formation is an exergonic process.

Ha(g) + Hb(g) ——————————® H——H(g) DE = -432 kJ/mol

Figure 5d(a) shows a sketch graph which provides an alternative summary of the mechanism of bond formation in dihydrogen (and, in addition, its reverse; i.e., the dissociation of dihydrogen to atomic hydrogen).

Figure 5d(a)

The sketch graph above includes a method of representing the electronic structure of dihydrogen which is a fairly reasonable approximation to physical reality; of particular note, perhaps, is that the 2 electrons occupy 1 molecular energy level (as opposed to separate atomic levels), and that there is a LUEL above the HOEL.

However, similar representations for more complex molecules are rarely used because the larger number of atomic and molecular energy levels inevitably result in complicated diagrams. Accordingly, various types of simplified electron-structure diagrams are commonly used, including those used in this text; as exemplified by dihydrogen ... Figure 5d(b) shows (a simplified) electron-structure diagram and the structural formula of dihydrogen.

Figure 5d(b)

The advantages of this type of electron-structure diagram are two-fold: first, the retention of the atomic energy levels simplifies «electronic book-keeping»; and second, there is a very direct relationship to two standard methods of representing a molecule (namely, by its structural formula and by its chemical line formula). But, one disadvantage — shared, incidentally, by both structural and line formulae — is that it provides no visual clue or reminder that there are unoccupied atomic and molecular energy levels.

5e. Covalent Bonding; Localized Single Bonds
[The term localized covalent bond describes the mutual electrostatic attraction of two adjacent nuclei for a shared pair of electrons which occupy the same molecular energy level. ... A delocalized covalent bond describes the electrostatic attraction of more than two nuclei for a shared pair of electrons which occupy the same molecular energy level.]

The type of bond present in dihydrogen is usually referred to either as a localized single covalent bond or as a s bond; and, hydrogen fluoride provides another conveniently simple and typical example of a substance with a s bond. Figure 5e shows electron-structure diagrams of atomic hydrogen, atomic fluorine, and molecular hydrogen fluoride.

Figure 5e

A substance, be it an atom, molecule, compound or phase, which contains an unpaired electron is known as a free radical; two examples are atoms of hydrogen and fluorine, which each contain 1 and 7 electrons in their valence atomic energy levels, respectively. The potential energies of such unpaired electrons are reduced when they become part of a covalent bond; e.g., as occurs when a molecule of hydrogen fluoride is formed. Thus, the s bond in this molecule is formed for the same reason, and in the same manner, as molecular dihydrogen; i.e., one electron from the valence atomic energy levels of the hydrogen and fluorine atoms enter a molecular energy level which encompasses both nuclei. [Incidentally, the 6 remaining electrons of the fluorine atom also enter 3 molecular energy levels; because the data have shown these are almost completely localized on the fluorine atom, these electrons are considered to form 3 lone-pairs in 3 non-bonding (or n) molecular energy levels.]

5f. Covalent Bonding; Localized Multiple Bonds
Localized multiple bonding will occur between atoms if the resulting substance achieves a lower energy than that obtained by single bonding.

Figure 5f shows the electron-structure diagrams and structural formulae of ethene, ethane, and ethyne.

Figure 5f

These three molecules are similar, in the sense that each hydrogen is bonded to its respective carbon by a s bond, but obviously different in the bonding between their carbon atoms ... Thus, ethane contains only a s or localized single bond between the two carbon atoms. By contrast, ethene contains what is referred to as a localized double bond: though, perhaps contrary to one's initial expectations, these two bonds are not identical: one of them, the s bond, consists of two electrons in one molecular energy level; and the other, the so-called p bond, consists of two electrons in another (higher) molecular energy level. Whereas, ethyne contains what is referred to as a localized triple bond; i.e., one s bond and two p bonds, with each bond consisting of two electrons in different molecular energy levels.

5g. Covalent Bonding; Delocalized Bonds
Delocalized bonding will occur between atoms if the resulting substance achieves a lower energy than that obtained by either localized single or localized multiple bonding.

Formally, any covalent compound can be viewed as a structure containing atoms bonded by one or more localized single, double, or triple bonds; localized, because each pair of electrons occupies one molecular energy level which encompasses two adjacent nuclei. Nevertheless, accumulated experimental and theoretical data have provided unequivocal evidence that many covalent compounds can only be correctly viewed as structures containing atoms bonded by one or more localized bonds, and one or more delocalized bonds; delocalized, because each pair of electrons occupies one molecular energy level which encompasses more than two nuclei.

Figure 5g(a) shows the structural formulae of two isomeric dienes which illuminate the difference between localized and delocalized bonding.

Figure 5g(a)

Penta-1,4-diene can be correctly described as a skeleton of C-H and C-C s bonds, together with 4 electrons in 2 localized p bonds; one pair of p electrons localized between carbons 1 and 2, and the other pair of p electrons localized between carbons 4 and 5.

Penta-1,3-diene can be similarly described as a skeleton of C-H and C-C s bonds, together with 4 electrons in 2 localized p bonds; one pair of p electrons localized between carbons 1 and 2, and the other pair of p electrons localized between carbons 3 and 4. However, the lower total energy observed, by empirical and theoretical methods, is consistent only with a delocalized description; i.e., 4 electrons in 2 delocalized p bonds encompassing carbons 1, 2, 3, and 4.

The conventional structural formulae of these two dienes show that the 2 double bonds are separated by 2 single bonds in penta-1,4-diene but by only 1 single bond in penta-1,3-diene. Any compound which has such alternating multiple and single bonds (i.e., alternate p and s bonds), as in penta-1,3-diene, is said to be conjugated; and, its increased stability, as reflected by its lower total energy, is attributable to delocalization over the whole conjugated system.

Journals and textbooks tend to present the structural or line formula which reflects the localized description, because the reader is assumed to be capable of recognizing the presence of the conjugated system(s), but when the context demands that delocalization be explicitly notated, the conjugated system is shown by either a bold line or a dotted line; Figure 5g(b) shows various formulae, of two compounds, which exemplify the commonest methods used to represent conjugation and delocalization.

Figure 5g(b)

Delocalization reaches its zenith in cyclic compounds whose conjugated systems contain 6, 10, 14, or 18 p electrons; such cyclic compounds are usually referred to as aromatic; Figure 5g(c) shows the line formulae for both the localized and delocalized descriptions of four exemplars.

Figure 5g(c)

5h. Selected Theoretical Data
[During the final third of the 20th century, many of the finest minds, ... E. Clementi, M. J. S. Dewar, K. Fukui, R. Hoffman, J. J. Kaufman, W. N. Lipscomb, J. A. Pople, J. J. P. Stewart and W. Thiel, inter alia, ... have successfully developed the methodologies and algorithms which allow data to be calculated precisely, with a minimum of systematic and pseudo-variant errors, on either known or unknown molecules, compounds, or phases; such theoretical calculations explicity incorporate both the particle-wave duality of electrons and the energy-minimized geometry.]

Broadly speaking, theoretical calculations are used both to correlate and to predict the structure and reactivity of both known and unknown substances; and, perhaps unsurprisingly, provide an absolute plethora of data (commonly referred to as indices). However, to ensure clarity, this text presents a limited number of indices and excludes discussion of chemical reactivity. Nevertheless, to provide one with some degree of perspective, a few rules of thumb are summarized in this Table ...

Rules of thumb in the interpretation of certain theoretical indices
EH	The energy (E) of the highest occupied energy level (HOEL) is one measure of the ability of the substance to act as an electron donor or reducing agent; i.e., S ————————————————® [S]1+ + 1e-
EL	The energy (E) of the lowest unoccupied energy level (LUEL) is one measure of the ability of the substance to act as an electron acceptor or oxidizing agent; i.e., S + 1e- ——————————® [S]1-
DE (EH - EL)	The difference in energy (DE) between HOEL and LUEL is one measure of the ability of the substance to form an excited state; i.e., S ————————————————® [S]*
Net charge	One measure of the tendency of a given atom, either to accept an electron (atom has a net positive charge), or to donate an electron (atom has a net negative charge).

Intuitively, one has at least two expectations about covalent bonding: first, there should be differences between molecules in the energies of their occupied and unoccupied molecular energy levels (by analogy with the differences observed between atoms in their atomic energy levels); and second, there should be an unequal distribution of electron charge, known as polarization, when the nuclei either are non-identical or they have different bonding environments. Happily, theoretical calculations, underpinned by experimental data, provide extensive support for such expectations. ...

Figure 5h(a), which shows indices for five diatomic molecules, clearly reveals how these may differ as a result of replacing just one atom.

Figure 5h(a)

More often than not, a mature scientist's initial consideration of any given substance will be to view it as: 'A carbon skeleton, ... in which one or more of the carbons may have been replaced [e.g., with nitrogen (see pyridine above), oxygen or sulfur] ..., with one or more localized and/or delocalized bonds, ... which has one or more substituents (often referred to as functional groups)'.

Figure 5h(b), which shows indices for 5 cyclic hydrocarbons, provides a partial indication of how these may differ as a result of a change the degree of localization, delocalization, or conjugation.

Figure 5h(b)

Whereas Figure 5h(c), which shows indices for 8 substituted benzenes, provides a partial indication of how these may differ as a result of a change in just one substituent (or functional group).

Figure 5h(c)

And, penultimately ... Throughout the above text, the term energy level has been used where, in certain contexts, journals and textbooks would usually use the term orbital. However, the preference here for energy level is anything but whimsical: indeed, purposeful with a vengeance. The concept of an orbital, although not an intrinsically difficult one, is central to the theory which incorporates the particle-wave duality of an electron: and its casual use inevitably leads to misconceptions. Nevertheless, aside from the 1 kg ball on the «stairway to heaven», one could confidently replace energy level with orbital in the above text: but, one should be cautious in replacing orbital with energy level when browsing journals and textbooks.

The author of Tristram Shandy concluded his quasi-autobiography with an anti-climax; and whilst this does prove to be the satisfyingly logical end to this most unusually structured book, it is certainly conceivable that the author ended in this fashion because his public may have been evincing distinct signs of ennui [thus, the book, which was written in instalments, was published in serialized form (a common practice in the 18th and 19th centuries), over a period of nine years].

Scientific etiquette demands that the above text should conclude with a presentation and discussion of its caveats and limitations: but, such a conclusion, though probably necessary and certainly proper, would be an anti-climax. And so, in the spirit of a Laputian or a Yahoo, or even a Houyhnhnm (depending on one's perspective), this text ends with a bare statement (as distinct from a barren one): Theoretical data, limited to 4-dimensional physico-chemical parameter space [i.e., the 4 parameters, or 4 indices, of E(H), E(L), DE, and net charges], have been presented here, in non-graphical form, for 18 known substances. ...


11.00 a.m. The 5th-Remove's Science lesson on the first morning after half-term ...

Dr. STUART.
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen; I do hope each of you is refreshed from your half-term break: because the second half will be a longish haul! ... I will presume that you made a reasonable effort to complete the Table that was issued just before half-term? (He waits as each student roots out their copy of same. ...) However, so that we make swift progress, Dr. Brummel will give you a pristine copy of his completed version. (Dr. B. does so.)

Reaction schemes summarizing some typical biotechnology processes †

___ Thiobacillus ferrooxidans nFeS(s) + nO2(aq) + nH2O(l) ————————————® nFe2(SO4)3(aq) + nH2SO4(aq)

Methylococcus capsulatas C2H4(g) + O2(g) + H2O(l) ———————————————® HOCH2CH2OH(aq)

Acetobacter aceti C2H5OH(aq) + O2(g) —————————————————————® CH3COOH(aq) + H2O(l)

Methanobacterium thermautotrophicum C6H12O6(aq) ————————————————————————————® 3CH4(g) + 3CO2(g)

Saccharomyces cerevisiae C6H12O6(aq) ————————————————————————————® 2C2H5OH(aq) + 2CO2(g)

Lactobacillus lactis C12H22O11(aq) + H2O(l) ——————————————————® 4CH3CHOHCOOH(aq)

Saccharomyces cerevisiae C12H22O11(aq) + H2O(l) ——————————————————® 4C2H5OH(aq) + 4CO2(g)

Enterobacter aerogenes C12H22O11(aq) + H2O(l) ——————————————————® CH3CH(OH)CH(OH)CH3(aq)

Penicillium notatum Benzylpenicillin Nutrients —————————————————————————————® (C16H18N2O4S)

Pseudomonas stutzeri Vitamin-B12 Nutrients —————————————————————————————® (C63H88CoN14O14P)

Methylophillus methyltrophus Single-cell protein Nutrients [including CH3OH/NH3(aq)] ———® (SCP)

† Excluded here are enzymes that have been isolated [e.g., amylases, (thermophilic Bacillus spp.), cellulases (Clostridium thermocellus), b-galactosidase (Thermus aquaticus), glucose isomerase (Bacillus coagulans), and proteases (Thermus aquaticus)].

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Class! ... Listen up, please. Dr. Stuart and I have decided to divide the class, so that we can discuss this Table more thoroughly. ... Er, ... Alice, Salice, Brown, East, Mumford, Pattullo, and Unman with me; obviously, the other seven with Dr. Stuart. (The class divide for discussion.) ...


11.00 p.m. In the Headmaster's bedroom on the second night after half-term, Mr. and Mrs. Pond are sleeping; their son is in his cot ...

BÉBÉ POND.
Gentle thespian, you will be, undoubtedly, delighted to know that all of the boarders have returned from their half-term hols. Nevertheless, I suspect you are, understandably, agog to know the details of my christening in La Rochelle: but I am rather tired tonight, and so I will give here merely the edited highlights. Truth to tell, I would have been unaware of the entire ceremony — conducted, as one might expect, by my Uncle Benoît, Father Richelieu — but for an extreme measure taken by the aforementioned: who plunged me into icy cold water — when this priceless example of Dresden china would certainly have preferred to be baptized with a modest quantity of tepid water. ... Moreover, once awoken, two more shocks awaited me. First, I glanced up to find that my two godparents were none other than Dr. Stuart and Mlle Gossâge; needless to say, I had not been consulted. And second, I heard myself being given the Christian name of Newton; while the name Newton Pond entertains the appropriate resonance of gravitas, I would hazard the guess that it will also provide ample scope for low comedy when I go to school. ... However, my abiding memory from the service will be listening to the celebration of Mass that followed; the choir and orchestra of the Lycée Villiers performed Zelenka's astonishing Missa Circumcisionis. ... À tantôt !...


11.00 a.m. One of the 5th-Remove's Science lessons in the 8th week of the term ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Good morning, Class. ... Because Dr. Stuart is, once again, unfortunately indisposed, I have revised our planned lesson. Mmm, ... You will need the following: the Table of selected biotechnology processes; Reference Sheets 1 and 2, which Dr. Stuart issued last term; rough paper; and your gray cells in absolutely prime condition. (He smiles; the class root out said documents. ...) When we discussed the «biotechnology» Table, immediately after half-term, Dr. S. and myself both pointed out two main disadvantages of each process: first, the organism's entire metabolic machinery was being used to obtain usually only one desired product; and second, product separation and purification was usually time-consuming and, therefore, expensive. ... The guiding maxim, in industry, is to obtain — in a safe environment — the maximum yield of the pure product in the minimum time. And so, industry, in their relentless pursuit of the optimum, have directed their attention to recombinant DNA technology: which, by and large, removes the disadvantages I have just mentioned. ... To provide you with a bird's-eye-view of one particularly important aspect of recombinant DNA technology, I have drawn a flow diagram on the board. (He scrolls down same. ...)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Currently, there are no simple experiments which would allow students of your age to obtain practical experience of such recombinant DNA technology: in contrast to several that are useful in examining straightforward fermentation; ... yeast, Saccharomyces species, and aqueous glucose, for example. ... Nevertheless, without some form of practical work, I suspect that my explanation of the flow diagram could go in one ear: and out of the other! Accordingly, we are going to make the process less abstract by using molecular models; and, once these have been constructed, I'll take you thru the diagram and answer your questions. ... Mmm, ... Let me see, division of labor. ... Ah, yes! Alice, Chalice, Malice, and Salice, you can construct a miniature chromosome containing the gene for Leu-enkaphalin. ... Brown, East, Mumford, Pattullo, and Unman, a miniature version of an unopened bacterial plasmid. And, ... (He sighs; then smiles.) ... Flashman, McKechnie, Merridew, Wittering, and Zigo, I will entrust each of you to construct a model of Leu-enkaphalin. ... Action stations, please! (The class get busy.) ...


2.00 p.m. In his bedroom, Dr. S. is reading in bed; Dr. K. knocks on his door ...

Dr. STUART.
Veni! (Dr. K. enters.) Ah! Guten Abend, Gustav! Wie geht es... (Dr. K. interrupts; his face and tone are severe.)

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Alec, I'm certainly in no mood to exchange pleasantries; nor am I on a mission of mercy! (Dr. S. looks humble.) Hmph! Last week, the consultant urologist phoned to ask me why you had not kept your appointment. I felt so foolish; I would have expected you, purely as a matter of good form, to have informed me: not least because we go back such a long way!

Dr. STUART.
I'm sorry, Gustav. ... I've been so busy.

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Nonsense! You wouldn't accept such a feeble excuse from the most dim-witted pupil: so I'm damned if I will! Apart from wasting the urologist's invaluable time, (His tone then softens for the first time.) ... we both know full well that unnecessary delays will require more drastic treatment.

Dr. STUART.
To be perfectly honest, Gustav, I'm apprehensive.

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
I do know, old chum. (His tone is sympathetic.) I presume, partly embarrassment, because a «stranger» will be examining you and discussing your nether regions, and partly your fear that your enlarged prostate may not just be benign?

Dr. STUART.
Yes, Gustav.

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Alec, the urologist will only be a stranger the once; so, in effect, you would have to let slip your mask of the British «stiff upper lip» just that first time. (Dr. S. smiles.) My rectal examination last time certainly indicated that you do have an enlarged prostate: and this must be removed so as to reduce life-threatening kidney problems. But I don't have the expertise to determine whether there are malignant growths: or, put bluntly, whether you have prostate cancer. So, Alec, you have only one apposite course of action? ...

Dr. STUART.
Gustav, would you be so kind as to make another appointment for me?

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Already done, Alec! It is on the 21st December.

Dr. STUART.
But, Gustav, surely I will be staying with you and your lady wife then?

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Precisely, Alec! Marianne and I will be watching you like a pair of hawks; benevolent, or otherwise! ...


4.35 p.m. Brown, East, Mumford, and Unman are mooching around the room allocated to the hobby of handicraft; Dr. B. enters ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Hi! Signore Salieri has asked me to supervise your activity this afternoon; I believe he is preparing to take his better half to the opera Pimpinone tonight. ... Ah! (He points to a largish table, covered with objects.) Is this the novel board game, based on Gulliver's Travels, about which Sig. Sal. has been waxing so lyrically?

UNMAN.
Yes, Sir. (His tone is one of pride.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Excellent! May I have the guided tour, please?

UNMAN.
Well, Sir, we've decided on three playing areas. (He points to each area in turn.) These are the islands of Lilliput, Brobdingnag, Balnibarbi, and Houyhnhnm; er, ... this is the sea between the islands; ... and this perimeter represents the rest of civilization.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Splendid! And, what is this? (He points to a construction hovering above the island of Balnibarbi.)

UNMAN.
Oh! That's the flying island of Laputa; and it moves, Sir! Yes, Mumsy, show Dr. B. how it moves! (M. does so.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
That's really impressive, Mumford. But how are you getting Laputa to move up and down as well across Balnibarbi?

MUMFORD.
I can't tell you that, Sir; it's a trade secret! (The boys and Dr. B. all laugh.) However, what I can tell you, Sir, is that it involves electromagnets and variable resistors. (Dr. B. acknowledges.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Your craftsmanship is superb, ... but, how does one play the game!? ...

BROWN.
I'm afraid we're a bit stumped there, Sir. ... We're sort of thinking along the lines that, ... maybe the players should execute tasks appropriate to the inhabitants of each island? (Dr. B. nods.) But we haven't got to the details yet, Sir.

EAST.
No, Sir; nor have we got a scoring system. ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Mmm, ... I would make the general point that you do not need to limit yourselves to Gulliver's Travels as the only source of inspiration. ... Certainly, what one could do is consider applying the techniques of juxtaposing and transforming. ... Yes, Brown?

BROWN.
I'm sorry, Sir; you've lost me.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Fair enough. First, let's consider juxtaposing facts and/or ideas. ... Brown, you have already decided to use islands in your game. ... Have you seen or read two of Shakespeare's plays which are partly or completely set on islands; namely, Othello and The Tempest?

BROWN.
No, Sir, though I expect Spats probably has; he's our Year's resident bookworm. (Dr. B. smiles.) But we did Lord of the Flies as a set book in Year 10; that's set on an island. (Dr. B. gives B. an encouraging look.) ... Are you suggesting, er, ... we could merge, somehow, the events on that island with one of those in our game?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
No, Brown; I am not suggesting anything! ... However, what, in general terms, you have suggested is that a re-reading of that or any other book — no bad idea in itself — might provide elements which could be incorporated into your board game, perhaps after transformation. ... Now, East, you might recognize the transforming technique by executing an example yourself: so listen very carefully! (E. looks nervous.) ... Currently, the game has one dice, which has six sides, and each side has a number. Clear? (E. nods.) Good! So, now bend or transform each of those facts. ...

EAST.
Um, ... We could have more than one dice; ... with each dice having five or seven sides; and, each side having a letter?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Excellent! (E. looks chuffed.) Now, ... Yes, Mumford?

MUMFORD.
Sir, I was just thinking, er, ... if we had tetrahedrally shaped dice, we might letter them 'A', 'C', 'G', and 'T'?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
And, why would... (E. interrupts.)

EAST.
Oh yes, Sir! Then if we had three of them, each throw would generate an amino acid; that could be the basis of a scoring system.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Good thinking, the pair of you! ... One minor point, though, East, one might throw a combination corresponding to a stop codon; for example, TAG. (E. nods.) ... Yes, Mumford?

MUMFORD.
Sir, do you have any more tips, please?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
That I do. ... But, Mumford, those really are trade secrets! (All four boys groan good-naturedly.) ...


11.15 p.m. A sartorially challenged man is throwing small stones at Dr. Brummel's windows; after a short time Dr. B. opens one ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Who goes there!? (His tone is irritable.)

M. SCROOGE.
Ah, enfin ! Bonsoir, Bob, c'est M. Oliver Scrooge ici-bas ; le directeur de Hydragyrum Chapelier Vinaigrette.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Oui, je vous vois. Et alors !? (His tone is very frosty.)

M. SCROOGE.
J'ai voyagé de La Rochelle de vous voir. Comment va Mme votre épouse ?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Chandeleur va bien, merci. Mais, je commence à avoir froid : ce n'est pas le moment de bavarder aimablement ! Qu'est-ce que je peux faire pour vous aider !?

M. SCROOGE.
J'ai besoin de vos compétences pour notre nouveau procédé de fabrication, Bob.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
La flatterie ne mène à rien, Monsieur.

M. SCROOGE.
Mais, Bob, veuillez revenir... (Dr. B. interrupts.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Vous plaisantez ! Absolument pas ! En outre, il n'y a pas de pièce à cette auberge... Au revoir, M. le directeur ! (He closes the window; then turns to his wife ...) Mmm, ... Now, Honeybun, where were we? ...


11.00 a.m. One of the 5th-Remove's Science lessons in the 10th week of the term ...

Dr. STUART.
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. ... Dr. Brummel will be outlining the revision programme in a few minutes, so I will take the opportunity of presenting, for your delectation, an optional puzzle to be solved during the Christmas holidays. (He scrolls down the blackboard.)

Dr. STUART.
The board shows the chemical line formulae of two natural products, both of which have relevance to a topic which we will be discussing next term. I would like you to try and determine, in the broadest sense, how they are similar and different. You will need to copy down each formula and name accurately. (The class get busy; a few minutes later ...)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Dr. Stuart and I have decided that this end-of-term's exam should be one of the open-book variety; that is, you will be allowed to refer to both notes and books. (Smiles all round from the class.) Mmm, ... From your pleased expressions, I'd guess that each of you is laboring under a false impression. The exam will not be any easier, simply because none of the questions will require you to recall facts: every question has been designed to test understanding. Thus, for example, you will not be required, in this exam, to define an allele: but you may be required to determine, from genetic diagrams, whether a given allele is dominant, recessive, codominant or sex-linked. (Frowns all round from the class.) Accordingly, you must start your revision program by combing thru your files and noting down each aspect you don't understand: then you can corner Dr. Stuart or myself for different or further explanations. ... Class, may I suggest that there is no time like the present ? (The class get busy.) ...


11.00 p.m. In the Headmaster's bedroom, Mr. and Mrs. Pond are sleeping; their son is in his cot ...

NEWTON POND.
Gentle thespian, the first snow flakes of winter have fallen at Narkover: but whether these are exemplars par excellence of symmetry in Nature or harbingers of increased mortality, is a moot point. However, what is certain is that there has been a flurry of activity with the young at play. ... Par où vais-je commencer ?... Ah, oui !... One of Narkover's oldest traditions is the judging of dormitory Christmas decorations by the Matron and the Headmaster's wife. And, two days ago, Matron Nightingale and my lady mother — with me in tow, papoose-style — toured the dormitories, which I found to be a pleasurable experience. Nevertheless, my obligation to verisimilitude does require me to chronicle two unsettling aspects. Premièrement, there was a seemingly endless number of questions whose gist was 'what had I asked Santa to bring me for my first Christmas': but, in so far as these putative adults know as well I do, presumably, that «Postie» does not hop on a sleigh to the North Pole, I'm completely bemused by their collusion in perpetuating the polite fiction of Father Christmas. Et deuxièmement, apart from some splendid models of nativity scenes, I espied — almost completely tucked away in one Year 11 female dormitory — a scale model of the pavilion, with 4 toy Trojan-horses, coloured white, red, black, and pale; within this model were 5 male dolls dressed in the manner of sans-culottes avec bonnets rouges; and each doll contained wooden splinters, fashioned into guillotines, pierced through its body: ... so, not unsurprisingly, I had the distinct frisson of déjà vu. However, as I look through the window upon the school grounds — which are festooned with snowmen: but, curiously, not one single snowwoman — I do feel... (He yawns.) ... Misère !... Je vous prie de m'excuser ; j'ai sommeil... À tantôt !...

________________________________________________________________________________________

6. Once upon time, there was a godfather, named Don Grillosa, who went to Holland, in the company of his godson, Porphyrin, a graffiti artist, in order to invest in tulips. On the last day of their trip, Porphyrin sprayed the rotor blades of a windmill with synthetic transducers: and, ever since, whenever it is windy, or sunny, or windy and sunny, the duo reflect upon the wisdom of their decision to invest in tulips.


7. Once upon a time, there was a Swiss peasant, named Heidi Pomme, who wrote an opus titled L'Admission au suffrage de la population femimine de Suisse en 1971 ; l'importance du chocolat et des pendules à coucou ? Two social scientists, from Lagado, acclaimed this work to be seminal: but, a third man, from Vienna, who was ensconced in a ferris wheel which was transducing potential and kinetic energy, stated "Plus ça change !" Undaunted, Heidi published another opus, titled Le Myth de Guillaume Tell ; les arbalètes et les flèches de la chance outrageuse ?


8. Once upon a time, there was a chimney sweep, called Sauron Midas, who was poorer than a typical church mouse. He eked out an existence which was necessarily mean: but had his soot contained just traces of fullerene, he would have been unknowingly as rich as Croesus. ... And had his master, the feckless chap Wooster, fractionally separated the tar sands yet further, he may have been as rich as creosote, gasoline or naphtha ... But the factotum Jeeves, who ate boiled fish on leaves and who had built a catalytic cracker from mere sieves, proved richer than Ali Baba's miserable thieves.

9. Once upon a time, there were three witches from Salem, who huddled round a cauldron making Fortune-Tellers. One day, they were visited by a pretty, naive shepherdess named Mary Contrary, who was accorded three predictions: "Mary, you will have a little lamb; and its fleece will be as white as snow: but everywhere your Dolly will go, scientists will be sure to follow."

________________________________________________________________________________________

10.00 p.m. On the last night of term, Mlle G. and Mrs. B., having completed their inspection of the Year 10 and 11 dorms, are standing at one end of a corridor ...

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Mesdemoiselles ! (She trills. Their high-spirited cacophony ceases immediately.) Alors, où sont les quatre filles de la première classe? (No response.) ... Shandy?

SHANDY.
Oh, Mademoiselle, je sais pas... Elles étaient lá quelques minutes avant.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Mais elles ne sont pas... (Breathing rather heavily, the four Year 11 girls hove into view with two large suitcases.)

ALICE.
Désolé, Mademoiselle, nous avons eu besoin de ces valises.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Oui, peut-être bien : mais, inutile de vous rappeler que les retards ne seront pas admis !?

MALICE.
Nous sommes désolées d'être en retard. (She and the other girls are pictures of studied innocence.)

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Mmm,... Au lit ! Et dépêchez, s'il vous plaît : on ne va pas y passer la nuit !

SALICE.
Oui, Mademoiselle, aussitôt dit aussitôt fait !

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Mesdemoiselles, parce que c'est la fin du trimestre, il n'y aura pas une période de lire. En conséquence, ce soir, vous pouvez bavarder ou continuer de faire vos valises... Mais, je pense que votre édification culturelle, pour ainsi dire, doit continuer. Ainsi, ce soir, la musique comme d'habitude ! Écoutez bien un ballet de Boismortier : Don Quichotte chez la Duchesse... Bonne nuit, mesdemoiselles ! (Chorus of "Bonne nuit, Mademoiselle." She plays said music; then leaves.) ...


10.45 p.m. Five of the sans-culottes — Flashman, McKechnie, Merridew, Wittering, and Zigo — are seated around a table in the pavilion ...

McKECHNIE.
À la ordre, messieurs. Hmph ! Quelqu'un a laissé une gerbe : encore une fois ! (He sweeps away the flowers.)

FLASHMAN.
Duncan, ce sont des marouns rouges ? (Mc., M., W., and Zigo all burst out laughing; then ...)

McKECHNIE.
Aïe ! Flashy, pas du tout ; ce sont des belladones.

WITTERING.
Oui, Flashy, ces fleurs ne sont ni rouges ni écarlatés !... Un moment !... Merde !... Nous avions oublié que Flashy est daltonien. Rouge-aveugle, n'est-ce pas ?

FLASHMAN.
Oui. Je ne peux pas distinguer entre rouge et vert.

MERRIDEW.
Flashy, accepte nos excuses, s'il te plaît.

FLASHMAN.
Ça va de soi. Pas de problème... Mais, de quelle couleur sont-elles ?

ZIGO.
La belladone a les feuilles verd éteint et les fleurs violètes et verdâtres : plutôt laides, à mon humble avis... Flashy, tu as encore l'air soucieux ; as-tu préoccupe par ta condition médicale, peut-être ?

FLASHMAN.
Non, Ziggy. Après tout, j'ai hérité la fichue chose : alors, bel et bien, «je blâme les parents» ! (He smiles; Mc., M., W., and Z. all laugh softly.) ... En fait, je réfléchissais que nous ne sommes plus que l'ombre de nous-mêmes.

MERRIDEW.
Mmm,... Je suis d'accord avec toi. Même j'ai été amener à chanter à la célébration de Noël demain ! (He groans.)

ZIGO.
En effet, Jack, nous sommes devenus citoyens modèles !

WITTERING.
Quelles beaucoup de couilles mitées ! (They all laugh.)

ZIGO.
Witters, je parlais au sens relativ : comme tu le sais bien !

WITTERING.
Bien sûr que oui, Ziggy ! (He and Z. both smile.)

McKECHNIE.
Excusez-moi, messieurs: la voix de la raison ici !... À part les avertissements des filles et de «Beau» — le premier jour de ce trimestre, si vous vous souvenez — on a vu une augumentation massive de notre charge de travail dans la première classe !

MERRIDEW.
C'est tout vrai, Duncan... Par contre, la diversité est le sel de la vie, sûrement ?

McKECHNIE.
D'accord ! Et j'en suis !... Les petites vacances prochaines, nos copains français du Lycée Villiers viendront chez nous... Alors, est-ce qu'il y a des idées ?... ...

ZIGO.
Nous pouvons continuer le thème des Mousquetaires ?

MERRIDEW.
Peut-être, mais c'est pas... (W. interrupts.)

WITTERING.
Ah, oui ! ... (W. accompanies his exclamation with a thump on the table; as a result, the floor of the pavilion collapses. And, to the accompaniment of a cacophony of noise and curses, the table, chairs, and sans-culottes all fall through the large hole in the floor, and come to rest in a tangled mess.) ...


11.15 p.m. Listening to Vivaldi's Juditha Triumphans, Dr. S. walks over to his study's windows, and draws close the curtains; the trees are leafless: but there are no ravens perched on the pavilion roof ...


9.00 a.m. On this last day of term, Mlle G. takes a roll-call for her last French lesson with the 5th-Remove ...

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Bonjour, mesdemoiselles et messieurs. ... Tout d'abord, je fais l'appel. Mlle Salice Albero.

SALICE.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Brown.

BROWN.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
East.

EAST.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Flashman. (No reply.) Mlle Malice A. Forthort.

MALICE.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Mlle Alice Lidell-Lonsdale.

ALICE.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
McKechnie. (No reply.) Merridew. (No reply.) Mumford.

MUMFORD.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Pattullo.

PATTULLO.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Piggy : mort... Mlle Chalice Poison.

CHALICE.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Unman.

UNMAN.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Wittering. (No reply.) Zigo. (No reply.). Unman, où sont les autres, s'il vous plaît ?

UNMAN.
Ils sont chez l'infirmerie, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Pourquoi donc ?

UNMAN.
Je suis pas sûr, Mademoiselle. Apparemment, le parquet de pavillon s'est effondré ; mais les details sont insuffisants.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Merci beaucoup, Unman... Oui, Malice ?

MALICE.
Mademoiselle, on suppose que les planches avaient des vers ?

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
C'est ça, ou «Les vers sont dans le fruit» ? (She gives each one of the girls a brief, quizzical look through her monocle.) Mmm,... Quoi qu'il en soit,... Mumford, comment vont-ils, s'il vous plaît ?

MUMFORD.
Il n'y a rien de grave, Mademoiselle. Le docteur Krautmann vient de les voir ; il n'a trouvé que des écorchures et des fouloures sans importance... Et, dans quelques jours, tout sera de nouveau sur pied.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Merci, Mumford... J'attends avec plaisir de leur retour le trimestre prochain... Oui, Alice ?

ALICE.
Mademoiselle, on doit faire les devoirs ces vacances ?

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Misère ! J'ai failli oublier. Merci, Alice. (She gives A. a warm smile; and then sighs. ...) Je dois perdre la boule dans ma vieillesse ?... Euh,... Je voudrais un commentaire de chapitre 9 du livre au programme... Oui, Brown ?

BROWN.
En combien de mots, Mademoiselle, s'il vous plaît ?

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
En 400 mots environ : mais, ne pas sacrifier la qualité pour la quantité !... Et maintenant, j'ai des bulletins scolaires à faire. (She holds aloft a small sheaf of school reports.) De quoi vous occuper pendant le reste du cours : sans bruit, bien sûr ! (She smiles.) ...


11.00 a.m. In a laboratory, Drs. S. & B. take their last Science lesson of the term with the 5th-Remove ...

Dr. STUART.
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Dr. Brummel and I spun a coin to determine which of us would write your reports; I, unfortunately, drew the short straw: Dr. Brummel will, therefore, be completing this lesson. So, without... Yes, Pattullo?

PATTULLO.
Sir, ... is there any chance of you giving us any more clues for the puzzle about those two natural products, ... please?

Dr. STUART.
Mmm, ... I'd prefer not to. (As one, the class emit muffled groans and moans.) Oh dear! Perhaps, ... Let me think. ... Ah, yes! One indirect clue. (He smiles.) I will write on the board a familiar equation. (He does so, as shown below; and then leaves the room, clutching a sheaf of reports.) ...

Catalase                                    
2H₂O₂(aq) —————————® 2H₂O(l) + O₂(g) DE = -205 kJ mol^-1

{N. H. Pearson wrote in the introduction of his edition of The Complete Novels & Selected Tales of Nathaniel Hawthorne, Random House, New York, 1937: "And in establishing the relationship between the idea and the fact, each reader becomes his own author. ..."}

Presented here, for the conscientious student who would like to develop further his or her abilities and perspectives in an unorthodox manner, are four fragmentary points of discussion which could be mulled over.

Also included here, to leaven these fragments, are scenes from the Lent term of Narkover College's inaugural year as a bilingual establishment. [... Narkover's original motto, Homo doctus in se semper divitas habet (A learned man always has wealth in himself), was replaced by Scientia est clavis humanitus (Knowledge is the key to enlightenment), when the school admitted le beau sexe. The new motto was composed by a Year 11 student, Ralph S. Pattullo, and approved by the Governors: presumably, Narkover's retention of a motto in Latin is a reflection of the hubris of the young, ... and the not so young ...]

PLAYLET 5: Les Fêtes sauvages

9.00 p.m. First night of term; all but two of the boarders have returned. Dr. Stuart is in his study, reading and listening to music by Corrette; the telephone rings, with Dr. Krautmann on t'other end ...

Dr. STUART.
Narkover, double two, four; Dr. Stuart speaking.

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Ah! Good evening, Alec; this is Gustav.

Dr. STUART.
Oh? What ho, Gustav.

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Alec, I have two pieces of good news: first, the consultant surgeon has scheduled your prostatectomy over half-term; and second, the results of the biopsy indicated the absence of malignant cells in your prostate.

Dr. STUART.
That is splendid news, indeed; not least because I will be safely, and justifiably, ensconced elsewhere when our Year 11 «entertain» their peers from La Rochelle.

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Mmm, ... I, for one, do hope they are on their best behavior when they come to the hospital; against my better judgment, Bob has persuaded me to arrange for the determination of each student's blood group.

Dr. STUART.
So: more good news! (He chuckles.) Gustav, I see no good reason why you should be completely removed from the mixed blessings experienced by those of us at the chalk-face.

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Hmph! I can assure you that I see more than enough of your little horrors on my regular visits to your less than august establishment! (They both chuckle.) Incidentally, Alec, is that Rameau I hear tootling away in the background?

Dr. STUART.
Suprisingly no, Gustav; it's a Concerto comique by Corrette: though Rameau did use the same theme, Air des Sauvages. And speaking of tootling, how is your lady wife; well, I trust?

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Yes, thank you; Marianne is in rude health, splashing around in the jacuzzi as we speak. And, ... yes, I can hear her clearly now, extending an invitation! So: Alec, ciao!

Dr. STUART.
Ciao, Gustav. (He places the receiver down.) ...


9.30 p.m. In Chalice Poison's (adopted) parents' house in La Rochelle, Pattullo is writing at a desk in the study; Chalice enters the room ...

CHALICE.
Hi, Spats.

PATTULLO.
Oh! Hello, Chalice.

CHALICE.
Who are you writing to, ... if you don't mind me asking?

PATTULLO.
Le Chevalier.

CHALICE.
Who?

PATTULLO.
Joseph Boulogne, at Montgomery College. Surely you remember him from your time there in the summer term?

CHALICE.
Oh, yes; les Québécois were considerably more civilized than the sans-culottes in our Year 11. (P. smiles.) Aren't you writing a play with him, ... something about the destruction of the Soo Canals in 1812?

PATTULLO.
Yes, ... and no. We've put that project on hold.

CHALICE.
Why so?

PATTULLO.
Well, after we left Drummond Island, on that ill-fated trip last summer half-term, Chevalier came across a book — by some chap called Cook — which told the story of Britain's illegal occupation of the island, ... from 1815 to 1824.

CHALICE.
And, ... you are writing a play on that subject, instead?

PATTULLO.
Trying to! ... At least, in part; female persons are thin on the ground in our current source material: so there will be a structural imbalance, unless we are able to modify our themes. (He shrugs in a resigned manner.) ... ...

CHALICE.
Spats? ... I wouldn't mind having a crack at writing a play; would you consider writing one with me?

PATTULLO.
With pleasure! Although, I suspect it will be a case of the blind leading the blind. ... Do you have any initial ideas?

CHALICE.
No, nothing specific. However, you remember last term's set play, Miller's The Crucible? (P. nods.) Well, the unusual behaviour of the girls is, initially at least, attributed to an unspecified physical illness. But,... (P. interjects.)

PATTULLO.
Which then becomes a sign of moral illness?

CHALICE.
Just so. But, what if — in a fairly isolated community — one attributed some unusual behaviour, and its possible consequences, ... to a genetically inherited condition?

PATTULLO.
Like ... porphyria hepatica, for example? (C. looks blank.) Er, ... Though I'm afraid I know next to nothing about the genetics, I've a vague feeling that the condition did pop up in the British royal family. Um? ... (He looks pensive.)

CHALICE.
What, ... as in «Mad King George»?

PATTULLO.
Yes, I think so; him and some of his descendants.

CHALICE.
Good. (She looks pensive.) We will need to... [From the living room, Chalice's mother says loudly: "Chalice, Ralph, c'est l'heure d'aller se coucher ! Vous commencez l'école demain !"] ... Oui, maman ! Nous sommes sur le point d'aller ! (Then back to talking with P.) ... Oh dear! Spats, perhaps we can make progress tomorrow?

PATTULLO.
Certainly. Goodnight, Chalice. ...


9.00 a.m. On this first teaching day of term, Mlle Agnès Gossâge takes a roll-call for her French lesson with the 5th-Remove (Year 11) ...

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Bonjour, mesdemoiselles et messieurs. Tout d'abord, avant de faire l'appel, je dois vous informer que notre proviseur a décidé de promouvoir trois jeunes femmes à la première classe ; elles sont... (There is a knock on the door.) ... ici, maintenant ! (She smiles, then inserts her monocle.) Entrez ! (Lolli, Popsy, and Shandy enter, then sit down.) ... Mlle Salice Albero.

SALICE.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Brown.

BROWN.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Mlle Shandy Drynck.

SHANDY.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Shandy, comme vous êtes une nouvelle — du moins, en cette classe — pourriez-vous nous donner un autoportrait bref, s'il vous plâit ?

SHANDY.
Oui, Mademoiselle... Je suis née à Dublin en la République d'Irlande ; j'ai quinze ans ; et mes passe-temps incluent la lecture, la musique et l'équitation.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Ah ! Comme Salice ? (Shandy nods.) Merci, Shandy... East.

EAST.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Flashman.

FLASHMAN.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Mlle Malice A. Forthort.

MALICE.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Et, Malice, comment était la période de Noël ?

MALICE.
C'était agréable, Mademoiselle ; Alice et moi avons passé les vacances chez notre tante favorite, la duchesse de Nuneham. Nous... (Miss G. holds up her hand.)

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Ça suffit ! Ce n'est pas le moment d'écouter l'histoire de votre vie ! (She smiles.) ... Mlle Alice Lidell-Lonsdale.

ALICE.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
McKechnie.

McKECHNIE.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Merridew.

MERRIDEW.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Mumford !!

MUMFORD.
Présent, Mademoiselle ; mais, sauf votre respect, c'est pas la peine de crier, parce que je porte ma prothèse auditive !

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Oh, je suis désolée, Mumford. (She smiles apologetically at Mu.) ... Pattullo. (No reply.) Piggy : mort... Mlle Chalice Poison. (No reply.) ... Alice, où sont Chalice et Pattullo, s'il vous plaît ?

ALICE.
Oh !? (She looks surprised.) Euh,... Monsieur le proviseur a donné la permission à Chalice et Pattullo d'étudier chez notre école jumelle à La Rochelle ; c'est-à-dire, le Lycée Villiers, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Ça, c'est du nouveau ! Merci, Alice... Mlle Popsy Rice.

POPSY.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Et, Popsy, qu'est-ce que vous faites comme loisirs ?

POPSY.
Je fais de l'équitation et je joue du virginal et du violon, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
C'est bon... Mlle Lolli Stich.

LOLLI.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Et vos passe-temps, Lolli ?

LOLLI.
Je préfère les travaux d'aguille, comme la broderie, mais j'aime bien l'équitation aussi, Mademoiselle... (Miss G. observes F. smiling.)

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Flashman, voudriez-vous vous partager la plaisanterie avec nous, s'il vous plâit !?

FLASHMAN.
Pas une plaisanterie, comme telle : et certainement pas une seule au sujet d'un virginal, Mademoiselle... Non, je réfléchissais juste au fait que nous sommes «du milieu de l'équitation». (His face is one of studied innocence.)

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Hmph ! En dépit de votre air innocent, tous les deux savons que vous vous aventurez sur un terrain glissant !... Unman.

UNMAN.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Wittering.

WITTERING.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Zigo.

ZIGO.
Présent, Mademoiselle.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Bien, à part Chalice et Pattullo, tous présents à l'appel ; en particulier je suis contente de voir que les vestiges des «sans-culottes» ont remis de leurs mésaventures à la fin du trimestre d'hiver. (She casts a quizzical eye, through her monocle, at F., Mc., Me., W., and then Z.; Salice exchanges fleeting glances with Alice and then with Malice.) ... Et maintenant, un peu de révision pour l'examen blanc...


11.00 a.m. Drs. Alec Stuart and Bob O. Brummel (on crutches) take their first Science lesson of the term with the 5th-Remove ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Good morning, Class. ... I hope each of you had an enjoyable vacation. ... Yes, East?

EAST.
Sir, would I be correct in assuming that a black eye-patch was the fashion in Boston this winter?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
No, you would not be correct. (With a clear hint of vanity, he slightly adjusts same covering his left eye.) Though, my lady wife has remarked that this adornment has given me a much more dashing appearance; and, ... who am I to disagree?

UNMAN.
Sir, I'm not sure that "dashing" is le mot juste; be that as it may, what did happen to your eye?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
I had a slight accident on our family's annual skiing trip to Aspen. (He shrugs, with a hint of embarrassment.)

UNMAN.
What exactly... (Dr. S. holds up his hand.)

Dr. STUART.
I'm sorry, Unman, but should you wish to obtain more details of Dr. Brummel's taming of the frozen Wild West, then you will do so in your own time. (His tone has been slightly pompous; and this continues.) Traditionally, Narkoverians have used the Christmas holidays as their last opportunity to revise for their mock exam in each subject; and, one presumes each of you has done likewise. (He peers over the top of his glasses and directs a brief glance at each student in turn.) ... However, whilst Dr. Brummel was convalescing, (He betrays a mischievous glint in his eyes.) he exercised his mind, if not his body, on Narkover's tradition of mock exams. (He then smiles warmly at Dr. B.) ... Bob?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Thank you, Alec. ... Class, as I perceive it, there are two inherent problems with a single mock exam. First, whether it be a past examination paper or one specially constructed, it must contain, self-evidently, only a small proportion of the syllabus: so, regardless of the grade obtained, neither the teacher nor the student has a comprehensive idea of the gaps in the student's knowledge or understanding. Second, equally self-evident, one exam does not provide practice in exam technique. ... Obviously, from what I have just stated, it follows logically that both problems can be removed by the student executing a rolling series of topic-based mock exams which cover the complete syllabus. ... Yes, Mumford?

MUMFORD.
Sir, I was with you up to the point of "a rolling series of topic-based exams".

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Mmm, ... I am sorry, Mumford; now I come to think about it, the phrase does sound as if it's the product of a buzz-word generator. However, the following schedule should make our thinking clearer. (He holds aloft a sheaf.) Unman, the honors, please.

UNMAN.
Yes, Sir. (He hands a schedule to each student.) ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
As you can see, each mock exam contains three «new» topics: but, to minimize the possibility — or even probability, (He smiles.) — of forgetting previously examined material, from 'Mock 2' onwards, each exam will also include questions from «old» topics. ... Alec?

Dr. STUART.
Thank you, Bob. There are two more pieces of good news, so to speak. First, each marked script will be accompanied by a set of «model answers». And second, we have time-tabled each mock to be executed in your free-time; that's to say, late afternoon or evening. (Chorus of groans from the class.) ...

BROWN.
But, Sir, that's not fair!

Dr. STUART.
Hmph! ... As I have had cause to remind you, Brown, on more than one occasion, life is not fair. (He smiles.)

BROWN.
And that, Sir, is both platitudinous and patronizing! (Dr. S. looks temporarily shocked, before holding up his hands.)

Dr. STUART.
I plead guilty on both counts, to the mouse that dared roar at this lion. (He smiles.) ... However, on a more serious note, there is method in our ostensible madness. ... Thus, whilst the public examinations are indeed scheduled at times when the average student is at his or her freshest, you, as individuals, are not this so-called average student: but the only student. Now, over the extended examination season, it stands to reason that there may be days when you are feeling under the weather; for example, you may have a touch of the flu, or you may have period pains, (He glances briefly at each of the girls.) ... or whatever. But, regardless of your mental or physical well-being, you need both the resolve and the reserves from which to dig when you are not feeling 100 percent: and, hence the need to practise under unfavourable conditions. ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
And, there endeth the lesson! (As he exchanges a smile with Dr. S., East stands up.) East, quo vadis?!

EAST.
Er, ... Nowhere, Sir. ... Sorry; I thought we'd finished.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Hmph! You wish! Class, up to the bell, I suggest you start your revision of the topics to be included in Mock 1. (The class get busy.) ...


11.15 p.m. Listening to a sonata by Zelenka, Dr. S. is about to draw close his study's curtains; through a window, he espies Signore Salieri surreptitiously placing an envelope in the hollow of a tree ...

________________________________________________________________________________________

1. The subject of Chemistry may be defined as 'the study of the speeds and the energy changes of chemical reactions; where a chemical reaction involves an energy change and formation of one or more new substances'. Whilst this reductionist definition neither suggests the scope of this science nor attains the beautiful simplicity of the one universally accepted for Biology ('the study of life'), it certainly contains clear reference points.

One reference point commonly included in introductory texts and courses centres on the ostensible difference between a physical and a chemical change. And, traditionally, a phase change has been regarded solely as a physical change; the equations in Table 1 summarize seven examples of phase changes.

Table 1

Zn(s) ————————® Zn(l) +DH Zn(l) ————————® Zn(g) +DH CO2(s) ————————® CO2(g) +DH H2O(l) ————————® H2O(g) +DH H2O(l) ————————® H2O(s) -DH NaOH(s) + nH2O(l) ————————® NaOH(aq) -DH NH4NO3(s) + nH2O(l) ————————® NH4NO3(aq) +DH

However, each one of the above processes should be equally regarded as a chemical change because, in each of these physico-chemical processes, the attendant energy change results in the formation of one or more new substances. ... "New substances!?" Huffed and puffed the little piggy, until the house blew down. ... Indeed so! The ensemble of nuclei and electrons in each reactant is distinctly different from that in each product; for example, the hydrogen bonds which are present between the molecules of liquid water are absent in gaseous water because they have been broken during the physico-chemical process of evaporation.

Whilst any authoritative advanced text should provide the unambiguous evidence to support the assertions above, the student may find it more illuminating to identify the precise changes which occur in each of the four physico-chemical processes summarized by the equations in Table 2.

Table 2

CuSO4(s) + nH2O(l) ————————® CuSO4(aq) -DH (off-white) (blue) Zn(s) + CuSO4(aq) ———————® ZnSO4(aq) + Cu(s) -DH (blue) (colourless) I2(s) ———————® I2(g) +DH (grey) (purple) Zn(s) + I2(s) ———————® ZnI2(s) -DH (grey) (white)

Both the dissolution of anhydrous copper sulfate and the sublimation of iodine have been traditionally regarded as physical changes, whereas both redox reactions have been invariably regarded as chemical changes. Nevertheless, because each one of these four physico-chemical processes involves the breakage and formation of bonds, an energy change, and the formation of one or more new substances, logically, one must infer that any distinction between a physical and a chemical change may be either arbitrary or specious, or both. Furthermore, the rejection of any such distinction allows one to adopt the perspective of a mature scientist, who, whether they be a biologist, chemist, physicist, or mathematician, usually seeks to identify and then to measure the changes in any given physico-chemical process.

[Scene: At the seminary, with Father Ambrose and Brother Bernard.]

Br. BERNARD.
Father Ambrose, you have so much knowledge, and I but none: yet you continue to peddle specious distinctions. Do you think, at my age, this is right?

Fr. AMBROSE.
Brother Bernard, in my misspent youth I had but hoped that Popper's philosophy would become de rigueur: but now that I know this was a mere flight of fancy, my grey cells have increasingly lost their vigour.

2. Most (if not all) introductory textbooks and syllabuses include the following description of a metal (or minor variants thereof): "A metal consists of a lattice of positive ions embedded in a sea of electrons." Notwithstanding its omnipresence, each part of the above description is irredeemably flawed. ... First, the term 'lattice' refers strictly to the solid state (as, for example, a lattice of sodium and chloride ions in crystalline sodium chloride). But, as evinced by conductivity data (see the examples shown in Table 3), metallic bonding clearly persists in the liquid state; a particularly noteworthy example is liquid sodium because its conductivity is higher than several solid metallic elements (including platinum, gallium, and manganese).

Table 3
	Hg	Cs	Ga	Rb	K	Na
Conductivity at 293 K / MW cm-1	1.0	5.0	7.5	8.0	16.5	24.0
Melting point / K	234	301	303	312	336	371
Conductivity at 373 K / MW cm-1	1.0	2.0	3.5	3.5	5.5	10.5

Second, researchers do not invoke 'ionization' in their descriptions of metals. Whilst a summary of their research is beyond the scope of this text, partial insight may be gleaned from inspecting the data in Table 4; these infer that there is no correlation between conductivity and S (the sum of the heat of sublimation and the 1st ionization energy).

Table 4
	Mn	Pt	Na	Ag
Heat of sublimation (DHS) / kJ mol-1 †	279	565	109	289
1st Ionization energy (DHI) / kJ mol-1 ‡	717	868	496	731
S HS + HI / kJ mol-1	996	1433	605	1020
Conductivity at 293 K / MW cm-1	0.7	10.2	23.8	68.0
† Heat of sublimation defined as "the energy required to separate a gaseous atom from the solid element (E); i.e., E(s) ——® E(g)" ‡ 1st ionization energy defined as "the energy required to remove 1 electron from an isolated gaseous atom; i.e., E(g) ——® E1+(g) + e-" [At ambient temperature, manganese and silver are the least and the most conductive metallic elements, respectively.]

And third, «a sea of electrons» is a peculiarly mixed metaphor; thus, conduction in aqueous solutions occurs via free-moving ions, whereas conduction in metals occurs via free-moving delocalized electrons. A mixed metaphor, which may occur by accident or by design, is one that evokes a conflation of images normally unrelated in the listener's or reader's mind: and whilst this maybe appropriate in diverse contexts, such must be avoided when knowledge is purportedly being advanced.

In view of the above brutal deconstruction, one should not be surprised that most authors of specialist texts studiously avoid promulgating the flaws inherent in the above description. Indeed, because the available empirical and theoretical evidence is consistent with a purely covalent model of bonding in gaseous, liquid or solid metals, such authors often introduce the correct description of metallic bonding by extending the student's previous knowledge of covalent bonding in dihydrogen to that in dilithium: a felicitous touch! ... Finally, although no universally acceptable description of a metal has become standardized, in advanced texts, the one proposed here may have merit: "A (liquid or solid) metal consists of a covalent structure, in which each atom contributes one or more of its valence electrons to the formation of omnidirectional, delocalized covalent bonds that extend throughout the giant structure."

[Scene: At the seminary, with Father Ambrose and Brother Bernard.]

Br. BERNARD.
Father Ambrose, you are an author and an examiner of some repute, and I but none: yet you continue to peddle specious definitions. Do you think, at any age, this is right?

Fr. AMBROSE.
Brother Bernard, my novices, ... whether they be those who have struggled in the sack-race or flown over the hurdles, ... have surely had similar opportunities to question the status quo: but now that I know their penchant for flight is limited, I simply presume they empathize with the dodo.

________________________________________________________________________________________

11.00 a.m. One of the 5th-Remove's Science lessons in the 2nd week of the term; Dr. B. in attendance ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Good morning, Class. As forewarned, this morning's topic is the genetics of sickle-cell anemia; a genetically inherited disease in humans, which results in premature death: usually before the age of 20. ... Now, because the seemingly diverse phenotypic characteristics of this disease are all directly related to the gene for hemoglobin, you need to have a clear idea of the importance of this protein. ... Mumford, perhaps you would care to enlighten us? ...

MUMFORD.
Er, ... Haemoglobin carries dioxygen to the tissues, Sir.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Good, ... as far it goes. Class, Mumford's answer would be satisfactory for a 1-mark question in an exam: but, I would hope you agree that it not expansive enough to even hint at this protein's importance. ... Yes, Salice?

SALICE.
Sir, would you give us your type of answer, please?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Certainly: providing you have pens poised! ... Perhaps along these lines. ... Hemoglobin reacts reversibly with dioxygen; this reactant is required for cellular aerobic respiration, to release sufficient ATP for metabolic processes such a active transport and biosynthesis. ... ... Furthermore, one might consider supporting such an answer with one or more equations. ... Unman, come and write on the board two such equations, please. (He smiles encouragingly at U.)

UNMAN.
Yes, Sir; I'll have a go. (He does so, as shown below.)

Hb + O₂(g) ¬———————————® HbO₂                       

Enzymes           
C₆H₁₂O₆(aq) + 6O₂(g) ————————————® 6CO₂(g) + 6H₂O(l) -DE (38ATP)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Well done, Unman. ... Yes, Merridew?

MERRIDEW.
So, Sir, the general idea is to hit the examiners for six or, ... as you might say, hit them for a home run. (Dr. B. laughs gently.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
I can't imagine myself saying anything of the sort! ... In the 6th grade, I was usually last pick in every mixed team! However, the "general idea", as you phrase it, is to ensure that you — as the candidate — provide an answer which allows the examiner every opportunity to award the maximum marks. ... Yes, McKechnie?

McKECHNIE.
And, Sir, how is that determined?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Mmm, ... I would assume that examiners' marking schemes are directly related to the number of marks allocated to each question; but I'm afraid I don't know this relationship over here — though Dr. Stuart would know. ... While varying from subject to subject and, indeed, from assessment styles, in the States, the rule of thumb is one relevant point is equivalent to one mark. ... Mmm? ... Where were we?

FLASHMAN.
I believe, Sir, we've only got as far as having a clear idea of haemoglobin's importance. (His expression is dead-pan.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Oh dear! (He looks briefly down at his notes.) The gene for hemoglobin has two alleles: the normal one, HbN, which codes for the normal protein; and a mutated one, HbS, which codes for abnormal hemoglobin, which differs from the normal one by a single amino acid. This substitution — which is the replacement of glutamic acid for valine, incidentally — might be expected to change the protein's ...? Zigo!?

ZIGO.
Topography, Sir; its three-dimensional structure.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Excellent! Such abnormally shaped hemoglobin molecules tend to join together to form long fibers of hemoglobin; and such fibers then distort the shape of the red blood cell, causing it to sickle. (He shows photographs of normal and sickled red blood cells to the class.) The biosynthesis of sickled cells is just one observable phenotypic condition: but, in last week's assignment, you were asked you to find out about at least three others. (Class start rapidly rooting through their notes.) ... One of these, please, Lolli!

LOLLI.
Oh, gosh, Sir. Wait a mo, please. ... Oh, good! (She sighs with relief.) I've found my prep; for a moment, I thought I'd left it up in the dorm. (Dr. B. smiles tolerantly, but with a mischievous glint in his eyes.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Lolli, I don't wish to strike an impatient note: but in the last minute alone, about 120 million of my red blood cells have popped their clogs!

LOLLI.
Golly gosh! I'm very sorry, Sir. (She looks contrite.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
I'm only teasing; about 120 million have also breathed their first. ... Just get on with it woman! (He smiles warmly.)

LOLLI.
Yes, Sir. ... An enlarged spleen, caused by removal of the sickle cells.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Good. ... Popsy, another, please.

POPSY.
Um, ... Severe anaemia, because of a reduced number of blood cells to carry dioxygen to aerobically respiring cells, as the spleen constantly removes the damaged sickle cells, Sir.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Excellent, Popsy; some nice touches of detail. ... Shandy?

SHANDY.
Pain in the abdomen and joints, because the shape of sickled cells causes them to inhibit the blood flow in capillaries, so reducing the amount of dioxygen reaching the aerobically respiring cells in these tissues, ... Sir.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Well done, Shandy! That was another nice expansive answer. (Sh. looks chuffed.) Now, to focus on the genetics. ... The alleles HbN and HbS have the same strength; that is, they are codominant. So, Salice, what will be the three possible genotypes, please? ...

SALICE.
Er, ... HbNHbN, HbSHbS, and HbNHbS, Sir.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Absolutely correct. ... But, Salice, a better answer would have been: ... homozygous, HbNHbN; homozygous, HbSHbS; and heterozygous, HbNHbS. Agree? (Sa. nods her head.) ... Now, ensuring that you include the fifth phenotypic condition, I would like each of you to construct a genetic diagram of a cross between two parents, both of whom are heterozygous for sickle-cell anemia; that is, both are carriers. Rough paper will do! (The class get busy; he limps round, looking over each student's shoulder. About 5 minutes later ...) Good! Alice, would you be so kind as to copy your diagram on the board, please?

ALICE.
Yes, Sir. (She does so, as shown below — verbatim.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Thank you, Alice. Does everybody agree? (Students show the varying, standard methods of agreement.) You do!!? (Looks of apprehension on the students' faces, followed by checking of their diagrams: but still confused looks.) ... Yes, East?

EAST.
Sir, may we have clue, please?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
There is one important spelling mistake. ... Yes, Wittering?

WITTERING.
Sir, you probably think Alice has spelt anaemia incorrectly, being an American. (His tone is noticeably dismissive.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Wittering, your impertinent attempt to make me eat crow is dismal in the extreme: simply because, in the grand scheme of life, differences between American and British spelling are absolutely trivial, as you would appreciate if you gave the matter some thought. (W. looks embarrassed.) Class, to repeat myself, Alice's diagram has one important spelling mistake. ... ... Yes, Malice?

MALICE.
Sir, I have meiosis, ... rather than "meitosis"?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Yes, indeed, as each one of you had! This would suggest the importance of getting into the habit of checking your work: not superficially, but critically with an open mind. ... Now Alice's error, perhaps unwitting, would be received by an examiner in very poor light, because he or she would assume, correctly or otherwise, that the candidate does not know the differences between these two fundamental processes. ... Let me see, from a recent mock exam, who of you does? ... Brown, you have been ferreting thru your papers, (He smiles) so let us have, first, an expansive description of mitosis, please.

BROWN.
Er, ... Yes, Sir. Um, ... Mitosis, which occurs in either growth or asexual reproduction, is the mechanism by which a diploid parent or somatic cell divides to form two daughter cells, each of which retains the original diploid number of chromosomes.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Excellent. And now, Wittering, a golden opportunity for you to redeem yourself, with meiosis. (He smiles, waspishly.)

WITTERING.
Yes, Sir. ... Meiosis, which occurs in sexual reproduction, is the formation of haploid gametes from diploid sex cells; the subsequent fertilization of two haploid gametes, to form a zygote, restores the original diploid number of chromosomes.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Correct. Thank you, Wittering; perhaps partial redemption. (His tone has a slight warning edge.) ... Where were we? ... Ah, yes! ... Finally, we must consider why the sickle-cell allele has remained in some human populations, despite its deleterious effects. ... Listen very carefully, please. ... In malaria-infested regions, individuals who are homozygous for the normal allele may die from malaria, and individuals who are homozygous for the mutant sickle-cell allele may die from sickle-cell disease: whereas those who are heterozygous usually survive both conditions, because this mutant allele offers such noticeable protection against malaria. ... And, speaking of which, I have here, for your undoubted pleasure, a worksheet awash with questions on this topic. (He holds aloft a sheaf of same; then smiles, as most students wear disgruntled frowns.) Don't blame me; I can assure you that Dr. S. is the culprit! But, even so, please do remember to collect a copy when you leave. ...


4.35 p.m. Lolli, Popsy, and Shandy are chattering in a room allocated to the hobby of needlework; Mlle Gôssage and Mrs. Brummel enter ...

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Good afternoon. I have persuaded Mrs. Brummel to join our little gatherings; in part, so that she can introduce us to that most splendid American tradition of quilt making. (She smiles warmly at Mrs. B.)

SHANDY.
Oh super, Miss!

LOLLI.
Gosh, yes! My mother bought me a super book on quilts for Christmas; jolly good it is. ...

Mrs. BRUMMEL.
Er, ... Popsy, perhaps you're not so enthusiastic?

POPSY.
Oh! Sorry, Miss. I am; but ..., er, Chalice has written to me from France; she has asked if Lolli, Shandy, and me would start making some costumes for some play she's writing with Pattullo.

Mrs. BRUMMEL.
Don't worry, Popsy; that's fine with me. May I have a look at the patterns, please?

SHANDY.
But, Miss, Chalice didn't include any in her letter.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Oh dear! ... Well, do we have a setting for the play?

LOLLI.
Yes, Miss; ... well, sort of. A fairly isolated community, in colonial America, ... late 16th, early 17th century.

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
Oh? About 1580 to 1620, then?

LOLLI.
Oh gosh, Miss. I'm always getting my centuries muddled up; I meant late 17th, early 18th century.

SHANDY.
Yes, Miss; sort of between 1680 and 1720.

Mrs. BRUMMEL.
Popsy? ... I think that you should write back to Chalice and ask her for a few more details; in particular, whether this community is Catholic, or Protestant, or both; and, perhaps, even whether quilts have a supporting role? (She smiles.)

POPSY.
Yes, Miss; that's a super idea. ...


11.00 a.m. One of the 5th-Remove's Science lessons in the 4th week of the term; Dr. S. in attendance ...

Dr. STUART.
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. ... Malaria! Although I feel sure that each of you will have made a conscientious effort to complete the worksheet on this topic, I would like to be sure we are all on common ground: so, a few questions to start with! ... Salice, which organisms cause malaria?

SALICE.
Malaria is caused by pathogenic protoctistans of the genus Plasmodium, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Good. ... Alice, which organisms are the principal vectors of these protoctistans?

ALICE.
Female mosquitoes of the genus Anopheles, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Good. ... What has been the principal method of controlling these vectors during the past few decades, Lolli?

LOLLI.
Um, ... The use of insecticides like DDT and malathion, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Correct. ... Whilst many biocides are non-selective, what is a particular disadvantage associated with non-biodegradeable biocides, Mumford? ... ... (He finally catches Mu.'s eye.)

MUMFORD.
I'm sorry, Sir; I didn't quite catch the question. ... Would you repeat it, please, Sir?

Dr. STUART.
Certainly, ... once you are wearing your hearing aid!! (He smiles; M. looks contrite as he inserts same.) Mumford, I'm sure you can't afford the luxury of vanity; your hearing aid is essential, unlike an eye-patch. (Chorus of muted gasps.) The question was: .... What is one particular disadvantage associated with the use of non-biodegradeable biocides?

MUMFORD.
Oh! They are accumulated up the trophic levels, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Correct! (He scrolls down the blackboard to reveal this diagram.)

... The board shows line formulae of DDT and DDE. (He points to each one in turn.) DDT is metabolized to DDE by an enzyme-catalyzed elimination reaction. McKechnie, what two atoms are eliminated? ...

McKECHNIE.
Hydrogen and chlorine, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Good! ... And, Shandy, what functional group is formed?

SHANDY.
Um, ... A carbon-carbon double bond, Sir?

Dr. STUART.
Correct. ... Unman, what name is given to the opposite of an elimination reaction?

UNMAN.
Addition, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Correct. ... Brown, name one common laboratory reagent which is sometimes used to add across or test for a carbon-carbon double bond?

BROWN.
Bromine water, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Correct. ... And, East, another?

EAST.
Er, ... Alkaline potassium manganate(VII), Sir?

Dr. STUART.
Good! ... What colour changes are observed in each of these reactions, Wittering?

WITTERING.
With bromine water, the orange-brown solution decolourizes; and ... um, ... with alkaline manganate, the purple solution also decolourizes, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
And!?

WITTERING.
Oh! Sorry, Sir. A pale brown precipitate forms.

Dr. STUART.
That's better! ... A little impromptu revision never comes amiss! (He smiles.) But, now to return to the focus of our study. ... Shandy, the effectiveness of each insecticide has inexorably and inevitably decreased, because populations of mosquitoes have evolved resistance to each insecticide by which mechanism?

SHANDY.
Natural selection, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Good. ... Now, Malice, please provide us with the details of this mechanism, as it applies to mosquitoes and insecticide.

MALICE.
Yes, Sir. (She reads through her notes; changes 'DDT' for 'insecticide'; then starts to read.) Structural variation has occurred in populations of Anopheles mosquitoes due to natural mutations, followed by the exchange of genes via meiosis and random fertilization. Some of these mutations have resulted in some mosquitoes containing dominant alleles which code for the catabolism of insecticide. ... These individuals have been the fittest in environments where the agent of selection is insecticide, and so more of these have survived to reproductive maturity. Their offspring have inherited these favourable alleles; and so, within the gene pool of Anopheles mosquitoes, the frequency of insecticide-resistant alleles has increased.

Dr. STUART.
Splendid! ... The majority of the world's population are are homozygous, HbNHbN, for normal haemoglobin; and, as such, are susceptible to life-threatening malaria. Treatment for this disease has hitherto centred on a group of structurally similar compounds, often referred to as the quinine drugs. Unfortunately, the effectiveness of these quinine drugs has inexorably and inevitably decreased, because ...? Salice?

SALICE.
Oh! Er, ... Because populations of Plasmodium protoctistans have evolved resistance to ... each quinine drug ... by the mechanism of natural selection? Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Excellent! ... Now, I would like each of you to construct the details of this mechanism, as it applies to Plasmodium protoctistans, ... or, more simply, protozoans, ... and the quinine drugs. (The class get busy. After about 5 minutes ...) Everybody finished? (No dissent.) Good! ... Popsy, your construction, please.

POPSY.
Yes, Sir. (She reads from her notes.) Structural variation has occurred in populations of Plasmodium protozoans due to natural mutations, followed by the exchange of genes via meiosis and random fertilization. Some of these mutations have resulted in some protozoans containing dominant alleles which code for the catabolism of quinine drugs. ... These individuals have been the fittest in environments where the agents of selection are quinine drugs, and so more of these have survived to reproductive maturity. ... Their offspring have inherited these favourable alleles; and so, within the gene pool of Plasmodium protozoans, the frequency of quinine drug-resistant alleles has increased.

Dr. STUART.
Splendid! ... Now, Lolli, Popsy, and Shandy, you three will be rather at sea for next part, because you were not in this class when I presented this puzzle to the others. I am sorry. (He looks apologetically at L., P., and Sh.) ... As for the rest of you, a welcome back to this old friend! (He scrolls down the blackboard to reveal this diagram.) ...

BROWN.
But, Sir, that was a purely optional puzzle.

Dr. STUART.
True. Who did attempt to find a solution? (Zigo starts to raise his hand: but lowers same when he realizes he would be on his own.) Nobody!? ... Not one? Hmph! How dismal! ... Not to put too fine a point on it, I'm bitterly disappointed with you all. (He looks rather dejected.)

FLASHMAN.
But, with all due respect, Sir, I don't see why we should be made to feel guilty because we don't share your passion for science. (His tone has an distinct edge.)

Dr. STUART.
And, with all due respect, Flashman, occasionally you come out with the most priceless piffle! During the last four or so years, I have neither asked nor expected you to share my passion for the content of science; which is negligible, by the way. But I do admit to expecting, or at least hoping, that you will have developed a passion for appreciating the importance of science. (Pregnant pause.) ... Yes, Flashman?

FLASHMAN.
Um, ... Sir, would you like me to do some work on it before the next lesson? (His tone is polite and conciliatory.)

Dr. STUART.
No, I don't think that will be necessary, Flashman; but I do appreciate your magnanimous offer. ... Earlier, Zigo, didn't you start to raise your hand?

ZIGO.
Yes, Sir. That was because Spats and I did a little work on the puzzle last term; but I've done none this term.

Dr. STUART.
No matter. Would you share with us your findings, please?

ZIGO.
Er, ... Yes, Sir. Let me think for a mo, please, Sir. ... Yes, ... the only similarity between the two compounds, that we could find, was that they were both naturally occurring compounds which have been used in the treatment of malaria.

Dr. STUART.
Very good! And the differences?

ZIGO.
Their topologies, Sir; ... er, ... with completely different skeletons and functional groups. (Dr. S. nods.) And, their topographies; we built a molecular model of each one, and their three-dimensional structures were totally different. (Dr. S. nods again.) ... But Spats and I got stumped by your clue for the puzzle; you know, Sir, that equation for the enzyme-catalyzed decomposition of hydrogen peroxide. (Dr. S. turns to the blackboard, and writes this equation.)

Catalase                                    
2H—O—O—H(aq) —————————® 2H—O—H(l) + O=O(g) DE = -205 kJ mol^-1

Dr. STUART.
This one, Zigo? (Z. nods.)

MERRIDEW.
Oh!? Hold on a minute, Sir! ... Please? ... I'm pretty sure that is not the equation you wrote.

Dr. STUART.
No? (His face is one of studied innocence.)

MERRIDEW.
No, it isn't; as well you know, Sir! (Dr. S. smiles.) Last term you wrote down the symbol equation; but the equation on the board shows bonds!

Dr. STUART.
And, ... so?

MERRIDEW.
Well, both hydrogen peroxide and the compound extracted from Artemisia annua contain a peroxide O—O bond. ... Though I don't see where that leads us. (He frowns; Dr. S. smiles.)

Dr. STUART.
Class, Wittering and Zigo have, albeit unwittingly, provided most of the framework for the puzzle's solution. The key to the next step lies in finding the link between catalase and Dr. Brummel's introduction to sickle-cell disease. (Each student starts rooting through their notes. About 2 minutes later, Alice and McKechnie raise their hands at the same moment.) Mmm!? ... Ladies, first. (He smiles.) Alice?

ALICE.
Er, ... Catalase is an iron-containing enzyme; and Dr. B. introduced the topic by referring to haemoglobin, which is an iron-containing protein?

Dr. STUART.
McKechnie, do you agree?

McKECHNIE.
Yes, Sir; catalase and haemoglobin are both iron-containing proteins.

Dr. STUART.
Splendid! Well done. (He smiles warmly at A. and Mc.; then starts waving his hands back and forward.) ... Yes, Lolli?

LOLLI.
Gosh, Sir, what are you doing?

Dr. STUART.
Merely waving the moths away. (Chorus of groans; except L., P., and Sh., who look bemused.) ... To complete the solution of the puzzle, «all» we need to do is place the information in the correct order. So, listen carefully, please. ... The structural similarity of the quinine drugs would lead one to infer that their catabolism, to metabolites that do not kill Plasmodium protozoans, will be similar. Because there has been evolution of Plasmodium populations which are resistant to these quinine drugs, such catabolism has been effected by enzymes, coded for by the mutated DNA of Plasmodium, which are probably structurally similar. ... By contrast, the drug artemisinin is — in terms of both topology and topography — structurally very different from the quinine drugs: so, the enzymes evolved by Plasmodium to catabolize the quinine drugs should be ineffective in catabolizing artemisinin. The mechanism by which artemisinin acts against Plasmodium remains to be established — at least, I think that is the current position — but it may involve the red cells, which are rich in iron-containing proteins. ... Yes, East?

EAST.
I think I understood most of that, Sir. But would you write it down, please?

Dr. STUART.
Yes; no problem. But, to minimize transcription errors, I will prepare a sheet in the next day or two. ... Yes, Unman?

UNMAN.
Like Scud, I think I understood most of it too. However, I really don't see how you expected us to solve that puzzle.

Dr. STUART.
Mmm? ... I'm not sure how best to respond to your implied question. ... My expectations of you are less important than your expectations of yourself. Directly or indirectly, you, the class, provided all the clues: not me. Should you have assembled these clues beforehand, then you might have begun to make demands on yourself to search for a solution? (U. nods.) ... Curiously, perhaps, part of the reason I set the puzzle was so as to provide a platform for a discussion on your project: ... "The Relationship between the Tropical Rainforests and Dresden". (The bell goes.) ... But that, as the saying goes, will have to wait another day. ... Class dismissed. ...


11.15 p.m. Listening to a sonata by Heinichen, Dr. S. is about to draw close his study's curtains; through a window, he espies Mlle Gossâge surreptitiously collecting an envelope from the hollow of a tree ...


11.00 a.m. The 5th-Remove's Science lesson on the last morning before half-term; Dr. B. in attendance ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Good morning, Class. Mmm, ... As I rather expected, most of you appear to be in a state of expectation at the impending arrival of your peers from La Rochelle. Accordingly, I see no point in me wasting breath on a new topic! (He smiles.) Our Headmaster has informed me that your attendance at their time-tabled lessons is optional: nevertheless, I will take it as a personal affront should you decide not to attend my guest lesson on the genetics of ABO blood groups. ... Up to the bell, you may talk quietly amongst yourselves. ...


4.30 p.m. First afternoon of half-term. Dr. S. is reading in bed, in a side-ward of Borchester Hospital, and listening to an overture-suite by Graupner; F., Mc., Me., W., and Z. breeze in ...

BOYS.
Salut, prof ! (In unison, as they enter.)

Dr. STUART.
Misère! ... Je croyais que les voeux «d'un condamneé à mort» commandent le respect ! (He smiles.)

ZIGO.
Hein ! Alors, Monsieur, vous n'avez pas eu «le petit coup» ?

Dr. STUART.
Non, Zigo, mon opération est programmée pour demain après-midi. Cependant, je me ferai opérer de la prostate : pas une vasectomie.

WITTERING.
Qu'est-ce que ça change, Monsieur !? Après tout — comment dirais-je avec délicatesse — pas hongré, certainement,... mais vous serez «hors de combat» ?

Dr. STUART.
Hmph !... Un peu de réticence serait le bienvenu !... Quoi qu'il en soit, laissons de côté votre ignorance déplorable des détails du système urogénital,... qui est inquiétante en soi, parce que l'examens publiques auront lieu dans quelques mois seulement,... vous devez savoir que ni une vasectomie ni une prostatectomie réduit la virilité d'un homme... (F. has been browsing through some of the cards positioned on top of Dr. S.'s bedside locker.)

FLASHMAN.
Euh,... Monsieur, sur cette carte est écrite "Eufues, je me souviens bien le canard... plastique, bien sûr. Rétablis-toi, vite ! Affecteusement, Agnès." Je présume que «Agnès» est Mlle Gossâge : mais, quel est le sens de «canard» et de «Euphues» ?

Dr. STUART.
C'est peu importe. En outre, dans telles choses, un vrai gentleman — comme moi-même, naturellement (He smiles.) — garde ses intentions de soi.

MERRIDEW.
Monsieur, je crois que vous soyez rougissant !?

Dr. STUART.
Pas du tout ! Euh,... Juste, il fait un peu chaud ici ?...

McKECHNIE.
Nous nous sommes tous cotisés pour vous acheter un cadeau ; et voici ! (He passes wrapped present to Dr. S., who unwraps same to reveal a book entitled Histoire des Castrats.)

Dr. STUART.
Bôf !... Merci, messieurs ; très drôle !... Pas exactement ce qu'il me faut dans mon état délicat : mais, c'est la pensée qui compte !?... (His mock severe face slowly changes to a smile; and, correspondingly, the boys' apprehensive looks disappear.) ... Tôt ou tard, je suis sûr que vous me tuerez ! Et parce que je préfère vraiment aussi tard que possible, je vous suggère que vous laissez cet homme d'un «incertain» âge à souffrir en silence. (He waves away the five boys in a good-natured manner.)

BOYS.
A tantôt, prof ! (In unison, as they leave.) ...


6.30 p.m. First evening of half-term. In a room, are adults from the Lycée Villiers, including M. le père Benoît Richelieu (Principal), Mlle Charlotte Backson (Deputy Headmistress), and M. Moisi Rochefort (Senior Teacher), a class of their Year 11 students, including Constance, Aramis, Athos, and Porthos, as well as the 5th Remove; Mr. Mervyn B. Pond, Narkover's Headmaster, addresses the assembled ...

Mr. POND.
Good evening, everyone. On behalf of my staff and students, I extend the warmest of welcomes to all the guests from our twin school in La Rochelle. (His tone and manner are warm.) ... Although most of you know one another from our previous exchanges — which have not always been, I regret to have say, trouble-free — there is an excellent opportunity for social intercourse at our soirée this evening. ... Needless to say, as a counter-balance to your own lessons, you French students should take advantage of Narkover's facilities: but I must remind you — and, indeed, my own students — that the dormitory curfew, at 10.00 p.m., is absolute! ... Monsieur le proviseur, would you care to add anything?

Fr. RICHELIEU.
No, Headmaster, I don't think so; ... my students, at least, have been reminded of their obligations. (Both his tone and manner are noticeably formal.)

Mr. POND.
Splendid! ... So, might I suggest that one and all use this opportunity to explore the grounds? (The students and staff disperse; then he turns to talk to his brother-in-law.) Ah, Benoît, ... Euphémie tells me that you are off to London tomorrow, to browse through some of George Villiers' papers?

Fr. RICHELIEU.
Yes, Bassett, in part; though I am also hoping to see a rare performance of the 2nd Duke's play.

Mr. POND.
The Rehearsal?

Fr. RICHELIEU.
Just so. ... However, in view of the corrupting influence of your 5th-Remove on my students, I am decidedly reluctant to leave them. (His tone and manner are politely cool.)

Mr. POND.
I can assure you that Euphémie and I will be watching them very closely.

M. RICHELIEU.
The reliability of my dear sister is beyond question: yours, on the other hand, is still a moot point. (His cool tone is accompanied by a theatrical sniff.) Now, please excuse me; I'm a shade impatient to see how my nephew is faring. ...


10.00 a.m. First full day of half-term. In a laboratory, are the Year 11 students from the Lycée, Dr. B., M. Rochefort, and Mlle Backson ...

Mlle BACKSON.
Bonjour, mesdemoiselles et messieurs. D'abord, je fais un accueil chaleureux au docteur Brummel, notre professeur de l'invité aujourd'hui... Certains étudiants peut-être se souviennent le bon docteur se promenait dans le ville en La Rochelle ; c'est parce qu'il était le directeur de reserche chez Hydragyrum Chapelier Vinaigrette, la petite entreprise qui fabrique de l'acide éthanoïque et des chapeaux. (A few students show signs of recognition.) ... Oui, Porthos ?

PORTHOS.
Comme le béret chic,... à la mode chez «les corridors du pouvoir» aux États-Unis, Mademoiselle ? (Dr. B. smiles.)

Mlle BACKSON.
Pas exactement, comme vous le savez bien ! (She gives P. a frosty look.) De plus, Porthos, inutile de vous rappeler que notre proviseur ne tolére pas les mauvaises manières ?

PORTHOS.
Non, Mademoiselle. Je vous en prie de m'excuser.

Mlle BACKSON.
D'accord, Porthos. (She then addresses, and smiles warmly at, Dr. B.) Bob, la parole est à toi !

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Merci, Charlotte. ... Bonjour, mesdemoiselles et messieurs. (He scrolls down the blackboard to reveal this diagram.)

... Chez les organismes vivants, il y a plusieurs douzaines de composés qui contiennent le squelette de porphyrine. (He points to the relevant diagram.) Ces composés differènt par le nombre et les positions des doubles liaisons, le nombre et les positions des substituants du squelette, et le type d'ion metallique qu'on se trouve lié aux quatre atomes de l'azote au centre... Quelques exemples des porphyrines se trouvent à l'état naturel sont comme suit : la catalase, une enzyme qui catalyse la décomposition du peroxyde d'hydrogène, un métabolite toxique qui est formé chez la plupart des organismes aérobiques ; ... l'hémoglobine, (He points to same.) qui est responsable du transport de dioxygène et de monoxyde de carbone chez les animaux supérieurs et certains invertébrés ; ... le cytochrome-c, l'un de plusieurs cytochromes qui participent aux réactions d'oxydoréduction de la chaîne respiratoire chez tous les êtres vivants, et la photosynthèse chez les autotrophs ; ... la chlorophylle-a, l'un de quelques pigments photosynthétiques qui transforment l'énergie lumineuse en énergie chimique chez les végétaux et les autres autotrophs ; ... et enfin, la vitamine-B12, un cofacteur qui est exigé pour la biosynthèse des globules rouges chez les mammifères. (He draws a deep breath.) Euh,... Avant de finir ce préambule, est-ce que quelqu'un sait les ions qui sont présents dans ces composés? (Several of the class raise their hands.) ... Oui, Constance ?

CONSTANCE.
Euh,... Chaque catalase ou cytochrome contient un ion de fer au degré d'oxydation II ou III ; chaque chlorophylle contient un ion de magnésium au degré d'oxydation II ; et chaque coenzyme dérive de la vitamine-B12 contient un ion de cobalt au degré d'oxydation I ou III.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
C'est formidable ! (He gives C. a smile.) ... Oui, Athos ?

ATHOS.
Monsieur, auriez-vous l'aimabilité de refraîcher brièvement ma mémoire au suject des réactions d'oxydoréduction ?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Oui, certainement. J'y penserai... Nous pouvons définir une réaction d'oxydoréduction comme une réaction d'échange d'électrons entre deux couples rédox ; où, dans chaque couple rédox, le réducteur est le donneur d'electrons et l'oxydant est l'accepteur d'électrons.

ATHOS.
Monsieur, est-ce que nous pourrions avoir un exemple, s'il vous plaît ?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Bien sûr... Un instant,... j'ai besoin d'écrire quelques équations au tableau noir. (He does so, as below.)

Zn(s) + CuSO4(aq) ———————————® ZnSO4(aq) + Cu(s) DH = -212 kJ mol-1 Zn(s) ———————————® Zn2+(aq) + 2e- (Oxydation) (0) (+II) Cu2+(aq) + 2e- ———————————® Cu(s) (Réduction) (+II) (0)

... Considérons la réaction exothermique entre le métal de zinc et une solution aqueuse de sulfate de cuivre, qui est résumée par cette équation. (He points to the 1st one.) Dans cette réaction : ... comme la première demi-équation rédox résume, le reducteur, soit le zinc à l'état 0, est oxydé parce qu'il pert deux électrons au cuivre à l'état +II ; ... et, comme la deuxième demi-équation résume, l'oxydant, soit le cuivre à l'état +II, est réduit parce qu'il gagne simultanément deux électrons du zinc à l'état 0... D'accord, Athos ?

ATHOS.
Oui, Monsieur, merci beaucoup.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Je vous en prie. Où en étais-je ?... Mmm ? Ah ! Hélas, les porphyrines se trouvent à l'état naturel ont des structures complexes. Ainsi, afin d'étudier quelques de leurs propriétés biologiques, chimiques et physiques, les chercheurs en science ont synthétisé des exemples «plus simples» de tels composés ; par exemple, ces porphyrines symétriques A et B. (He points to same.) ... Et aujourd'hui, vous préparerez ces deux porphryines, avec l'aide de cette feuille de méthodes. (He holds aloft a sheaf of worksheets.) Moisi ?... Moisi !?

M. ROCHEFORT.
Miel! (He suddenly opens his eyes.) Désolé, Bob,... je me reposais juste mes yeux ; naturellement, j'étais pendu aux lèvres! (He smiles, then notices the sheaf.) Ah, oui !... Aramis, fais les honneurs, s'il vous plaît.

ARAMIS.
Avec plaisir, Monsieur. (He hands to each student a copy of the worksheet shown below.)

Méthode pour la synthèse de porphyrine A (la première partie) 1. Portez les lunettes protectrices ! 2. Placez 40 cm³ de l'acide propanoïque dans un bécher, resistant à la chaleur (par ex., Pyrex), avec une éprouvette graduée. 3. Chauffez doucement l'acide propanoïque, jusqu'au point de bouillir, avec une plaque de cuission dans une sorbonne. 4. Ajoutez simultanément à l'acide bouillant, le benzènecarbaldéhyde (2 cm³) et le pyrrole (1 cm³), avec une pipette automatique pour chaque réactant. 5. Bouillez doucement ce mélange depuis 7 minutes ; puis, laissez à refroidir depuis plusieurs heures. 6. Filtrez le mélange, avec un filtre de verre ; puis, lavez le bécher et les cristaux avec l'acide ethanoïque (3 × 2 cm³) et puis le méthanol (4 × 2 cm³). [Le filtrat (brun foncé) et les lessivages contiennent plusieurs dérivés solubles.] 7. Séchez en air la porphyrine A ; puis, la placez dans un tube d'échantillon. Méthode pour la synthèse d'éthanoate de cuivre (la deuxième partie) 1. Portez les lunettes protectrices ! 2. Placez 25 cm³ de l'acide éthanoïque (1 mol dm-³) dans un bécher, qui contient un tige de verre, avec une éprouvette graduée. 3. Chauffez l'acide, avec une petite flamme de Bunsen. 4. Ajoutez à l'acide chaud (pas bouillant), le carbonate de cuivre, peu à peu, jusqu'à ce qu'il soit dans excès ; c'est-à-dire, le gaz ne évolue plus, le carbonate ne dissout plus, et le indicateur en papier ne change plus. 5. Filtrez le mélange chaud, avec un filtre en papier ; puis, lavez le bécher et le papier avec un peu de l'eau distillée. [Le filtrat et les lessivages devraient contenir seul le sel exigé.] 6. Concentrez la solution d'éthanoate, jusqu'à ce que la moitié du volume s'évaporât, avec un bain-marie bouillant. 7. Transférez la solution concentrée à une boîte de Pétri ; puis, laissez l'éthanoate à cristalliser à la température ambiante. Méthode pour la synthèse de porphyrine B (la troisième partie) 1. Portez les lunettes protectrices ! 2. Pesez environ 100 mg de porphyrine A dans un petit bécher ; puis, ajoutez le trichloroéthane (15 cm³). 3. Pesez environ 100 mg d'éthanoate (un excès) dans un autre petit bécher ; puis, ajoutez le méthanol (15 cm³). 4. Chauffez chaque solution, jusqu'à ce que chacune bouille doucement, avec une plaque de cuission ou un bain-marie bouillant. 5. Ajoutez la solution bouillante de méthanol à la solution bouillante de trichloroéthane ; puis, bouillez depuis environ 3 minutes. 6. Filtrez le mélange chaud, avec un filtre de verre ; puis, lavez le bécher et le précipité cristallin avec le méthanol chaud (3 × 2 cm³) et puis l'eau distillée (3 × 2 cm³). 7. Séchez en air la porphyrine B ; puis, la placez dans un tube d'échantillon. Travaux facultatifs 1 Examinez les formes et les couleurs de vos cristaux, avec un microscope binoculaire. 2. Chromatographez les deux porphyrines, comme suit : portez les lunettes protectrices ; preparez une solution de chaque porphyrine en trichloroéthane ; puis, développez les chromatogrammes des deux porphyrines, utilisant le même morceau de papier chromatographie, en méthanol:trichloroéthane (dans une proportion de 5 à 1 ?). 3. Examinez l'activité catalytique de chaque composé (s'il y en a). [Le volume de chaque porphyrine peut être augmenté, comme suit : dissolvez une quantité mesurée de porphyrine en trichloroéthane ; mélangez une quantité mesurée d'une substance inactive (par ex., carbone-graphite, oxyde d'aluminium ou oxyde de silicium) ; puis, laissez la suspension à s'évaporer complètement à la température ambiante. Sinon, une couche mince de porphyrine peut être déposée sur une électrode de carbone-graphite par une méthode semblable.] 4. Considérez de faire synthétiser d'autres dérivés ; par ex., la porphryine B forme le dérivé octa-bromo (extrêmement insoluble) avec le N-bromosuccinimide (trichlorométhane ; 65°C ; 1 h) et le dérivé mono-aldéhyde (assez soluble) avec le réactif de Vilsmaier (trichlorométhane ; 65°C ; 16 h). 5. Considérez de faire des lectures complémentaires ; notez, la page d'accueil de PorphyrinNet est : http://www.porphyrin.net/ Attention! Avant de commencer, quelques notes de sécurité 1. Dans un laboratoire, en règle générale, on doit assumer que chaque substance est potentiellement toxique (même l'éthanol !). Quoi qu'il en soit, bien qu'aucun des substances ci-dessus soit spécialement toxique (à très petits dosages !), on doit se laver vos mains souvent : mieux vaut prévenir que guérir ! 2. La plupart des composés organiques sont inflammables quand elles sont dans l'état gazeux ; et, en général, le plus bas leur masse moléculaire, le plus haut leur volatilité (et le plus bas leur point d'éclair) : d'où la nécessité pour la chauffage sans une flamme nue. 3. Contrairement aux perceptions très repandues, on ne devrait pas utiliser ou maintenir une flamme jaune ; une telle flamme augmente la concentration du monoxyde de carbone (ce gas est très toxique, parce qu'il forme irréversiblement la carboxyhémoglobine, et donc reduit la contenance de l'hémoglobine de porter le dioxygène aux cellules aérobiques). 4. Les lunettes protectrices : ça va de soi ! Mais, à moins que les substances soient corrosives, pourquoi donc ? Chez le corps, il y a une classe de biomolécules hétérogènes appelés lipides. Ces composés, qui sont constituants des toutes membranes biologiques, et qui jouent comme agents protecteurs de certains organes (par exemple, les yeux !), sont insolubles dans l'eau mais sont souvent solubles dans divers solvants organiques : d'où la nécessité pour les lunettes protectrices.

M. ROCHEFORT.
Nous vous donnons environ dix minutes à lire votre feuille de méthodes, et ensuite vous pouvez nous demander toutes questions. (About 10 minutes later ...) Oui, Aramis ?

ARAMIS.
Euh, Monsieur, la synthèse de porphyrine B exige l'éthanoate comme les cristeaux : mais ceux-ci n'auront pas formé depuis plusieurs jours, sûrement ?

M. ROCHEFORT.
Bien fait, Aramis ; c'est une remarque judicieuse ! Laisse-moi vous expliquer le plan de campagne... Ce matin, vous complétez la première partie jusqu'à la cinquième étape et la deuxième partie jusqu'à la septième étape... Cet après-midi, vous complétez le synthèse de porphyrine A et de porphyrine B ; afin de commencer cette troisième partie, nous vous fournirons avec des cristeaux d'ethanoate. Plus tard cette semaine, vous rassemblez vos cristaux de l'ethanoate. Enfin, lorsque nous revenons en France, nous considérons les travaux facultatifs... Oui, Constance ?

CONSTANCE.
Monsieur, qu'est-ce qu'un filtre de verre, s'il vous plaît ?

M. ROCHEFORT.
Ah,... voici ! (He holds carefully aloft a fritted glass crucible.) Cet appareil est à manipuler soin, parce qu'il est fragile et cher !... En général, sur cette paillasse de démonstration, chaque morceau d'appareil et chaque réactif ou solvant porte une étiquette en anglais et en français.

Mlle BACKSON.
Oui, Porthos?

PORTHOS.
Mademoiselle, est-ce que ces composés sont toxiques, s'il vous plaît ?

Mlle BACKSON.
Porthos, vous n'avez pas honte ? Je suggère que vous relisez attentivement la feuille de méthodes ; en particulier, les notes de sécurité !... (She then addresses the class.) Avez-vous d'autres questions ?... Non ? Bon !... Au travail ; mais, n'oubliez pas que c'est pas pressant !... Et n'oubliez pas de porter vos lunettes protectrices ! (The students get busy: that morning completing stages 1-5 of Part 1 and stages 1-7 of Part 2; that afternoon completing stages 6 and 7 of Part 1 and stages 1-7 of Part 3, as well as examining their crystals under the microscope.) ...


6.30 p.m. In the (recently refurbished) pavilion, are Aramis, Athos, Flashman, McKechnie, Merridew, Porthos, Wittering, and Zigo; and in one of the Year 11 girls' dorms, eavesdropping via a hidden microphone, are Alice, Constance, Malice, and Salice ...

McKECHNIE.
To order, gentlemen, or ... should that be «La Jeunesse dorée»? (Everybody smiles, in a self-conscious manner.) ... Well, Pierre, did you have a good day at «the office»?

ARAMIS.
Not bad, Duncan. ... We prepared glistening purple crystals, which appeared red under the microscope and in solution, as well as a deep green... (He notes F. suppressing a yawn.) Flashy, am I boring you?

FLASHMAN.
I don't wish to be rude: but, to be perfectly honest, yes! (He smiles.) We five are on holiday from Science!

McKECHNIE.
Mmm, ... Moving on swiftly! Er, Jean, did you come up with any ideas for our joint entertainment?

PORTHOS.
Yes, one or two. ... Although, in view of our Headmasters' warnings, I presume Bassy will be watching us closely. ... We thought... (Me. interjects.)

MERRIDEW.
What, no Corbeau?

PORTHOS.
No; apparently, he is going to London to do some research on George Villiers, the First Duke of Buckingham. (He shrugs.) Er, ... We thought of adding a sensitive acid-base indicator to the fountain! (P., Ar., and At. look pleased; the others look baffled, apart from Z.) ...

MERRIDEW.
I don't see, ... no! (He shakes his head.)

PORTHOS.
Er, ... The pH of the water in the fountain will depend on the amount of acid present. ... Michel?

ATHOS.
Yes, Jack, and this should change as a result of dissolved carbon dioxide; that is, from the air or produced by algae in the fountain. ... Furthermore, there is also acidic rain.

MERRIDEW.
Yes, ... yes, Michel. I'm beginning to see now. Er, Ziggy, you're the boffin: what do you think?

ZIGO.
It's a natty idea. We'll need to have a mixture of several indicators to cover the probable pH range.

ARAMIS.
That's to say, .... about 4.5 to 7.0?

ZIGO.
Yes, I agree. ... So, we'll need to experiment with a number of different species of flowers.

FLASHMAN.
No problem!

ARAMIS.
But, Flashy, I thought you were on holiday from Science!? (Everybody laughs good-naturedly.)

FLASHMAN.
True, true: but we all have to make sacrifices! ... We five can be experimenting whilst you three are scribbling away on your slates in your daily lessons. (Ar., At., and P. look puzzled.) C'est-à-dire,... "griffoner sur vos ardoises".

PORTHOS.
As in the 19th century? (F. nods; Ar., At., and P. smile in recognition.) ...

McKECHNIE.
Mmm, ... That's sorted, so let's move on. Witters, at the back end of last term, you came up with a variation on our theme of the execution scene in The Three Muskateers?

WITTERING.
Yes, Duncan. We repeat exactly the scenario of a year ago in La Rochelle: except, we use blow-up dolls — adult-size. (At this point, in the girls' dorm ...)

CONSTANCE.
Salice, what is a blow-up doll?

SALICE.
Euh,... Une grosse poupée gonflable.

CONSTANCE.
Ah ! J'y suis. What a... (S. interrupts.)

SALICE.
Ssh! We'll miss the details. (Back to the pavilion ...)

ATHOS.
But, Vitters, what about the 10 o/clock curfew?

WITTERING.
Good point. ... Perhaps, ... we can use remote control?

MERRIDEW.
Mmm, ... It's a pity that old Mumsy opted out; he may be a bit bollock-brained, but he is a dab hand at the electrics.

ATHOS.
Flashy, would you translate those phrases, please?

FLASHMAN.
J'y penserai... Ah ! Le terme "bollock-brained" est un équivalent vulgaire de «écervelé» ; soit, «feather-brained» en anglais. Cependant, ce n'est pas forcément péjoratif ; par exemple, Mumford a simplement l'air distrait de temps en temps,... peut-être parce qu'il est un peu malentendant ?... Par contre l'expression "to be a dab hand" est une argotisme heureuse pour «avoir la main verte» ; soit, «to have green fingers» en anglais britannique. Tu compris, Michel ?

ATHOS.
J'y suis !... I mean, I get it. Thanks, Flashy. Er, ... I should be able to adapt a remote control unit.

WITTERING.
That's spendid, Michel!

ZIGO.
Indeed so! Is it just me, or is it hot in here? (He takes off his jacket, and throws it behind him. At this point, in the girls' dorm ...)

MALICE.
Drat! Zigo must have inadvertently covered the microphone.

ALICE.
Never mind; we've enough details on their execution scene to to make our own changes.

SALICE.
But, Alice, none of us can adapt a remote control unit?

ALICE.
Constance, can you?

CONSTANCE.
No, I'm sorry. (She shrugs.)

MALICE.
But, we certainly do know somebody who can! (A., C., and S. look puzzled.) Mumford, of course!

SALICE.
But he's no longer a member of the «sans-culottes»!

CONSTANCE.
Yes, so would he agree?

MALICE.
No, Constance, probably not: at the outset. ... However, the male of the species at Narkover is putty in our hands; and, Mumford is no exception. ...


10.30 p.m. Midway through half-term. In the Headmaster's bedroom, Mr. Pond is browsing through his stamp album; his lady wife is reading a book; and Newton, their six-month old son and heir, is in his cot ...

Mrs. POND.
Bassett ?

Mr. POND.
Oui, ma chouette?

Mrs. POND.
J'aimerais quelques-uns soldats en chocolat ; ça te va ?

Mr. POND.
Hélas, pas ce soir ; je suis fatigué.

Mrs. POND.
Aïe !? Fais comme tu veux ! (She closes her book, then turns over in a deliberate manner.) Alors, éteins la lumière !

Mr. POND.
Oui, Euphémie chérie. (He switches off the light.) ...

NEWTON POND.
Hmph ?!...


10.30 p.m. Last night of half-term. In one of the Year 11 boys' dorms, are Aramis, Athos, Flashman, McKechnie, Merridew, Porthos, Wittering, and Zigo; and in one of the Year 11 girls' dorms, are Alice, Constance, Malice, and Salice (all drinking cocoa) ...

CONSTANCE.
Malice, what are you doing? (M. is dipping a cookie in her mug of cocoa.)

MALICE.
Dunking! ... We call dipping our biscuit in a hot drink: dunking; it makes the bikkie soft. (C. looks bemused.)

SALICE.
Constance, how are Chalice and Pattullo getting on at your school this term; are they an item?

CONSTANCE.
An item?

SALICE.
Euh,... C'est-à-dire, un couple d'amoreux ?

CONSTANCE.
Oh, no; not at all.

MALICE.
Chalice n'est pas la petite amie de Pattullo !?

CONSTANCE.
No, definitely not. ... They spend most of their free-time writing together; a play about... (Alice interjects.)

ALICE.
Ssh! ... ... Yes, ... I think the sans-culottes have started their sound tape. (She looks through the window.) Yes! ... Come: have a look! There are lights near the boathouse; and their boat is tethered about 30 metres from the shore! (C., M., and S. all look through the window; then whisper their agreement.) We should only have to wait a couple of minutes or so before Milady's light comes on. (At this point, in a one of the guest bedrooms with an open window, M. Rochefort and Mlle B. are in bed together ...)

Mlle BACKSON.
Moisi?

M. ROCHEFORT.
Encore ?! (His tone is slightly self-satisified.)

Mlle BACKSON.
Bôf ! Tu te flattes ! Non ! Écoute ce bruit ! (She goes to the window.) Et, il y a des lumières près du lac : et un bateau sur le lac !

M. ROCHEFORT.
Mille sabords ! C'est un cas de déjà-vu ?

Mlle BACKSON.
C'est juste : comme d'habitude ! Euh,... Tu parlais du lac ?

M. ROCHEFORT.
Cela ne fait point de doute : comme tu le sais bien !

Mlle BACKSON.
Bien sûr ! (She smiles coquettishly.) S'habillons, et puis découvrons les méfaits des étudiants sans doute. (She turns on a lamp; both dress quickly; then proceed to the Brummel's flat; here, Rochefort knocks on their bedroom door.) ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Ssh! Honeybun, hold it!

Mrs. BRUMMEL.
Oh!? ... Ah! There's somebody at the door. (Both put on their dressing gowns.) ... (Another knock.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Come in, please!

M. ROCHEFORT.
Sorry to disturb you, ... but there appears to be something going on down by the lake.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Oh?

Mlle BACKSON.
The last time similar nonense occurred, both Constance and Malice were placed in grave danger.

Mrs. BRUMMEL.
Oh dear! We had better get down there immediately. (These four rapidly make their way to the lake; their appearance in the grounds is greeted with visible, but tacit, expressions of excitement in the dorms. ... From his vantage point in the boys' dorm, Athos waits until the four adults are near the boathouse, then presses the switch on his remote control unit: both the sound tape and lights are switched off ...) Look! The boat; there's two girls in it!

Mlle BACKSON.
Constance ? Malice ? Oh, non !

M. ROCHEFORT.
Come on, Bob; let's pull the boat in. (He and Dr. B. pull on the rope; slowly, but surely, the boat is pulled towards the landing stage. ... From her vantage point in the girls' dorm, Alice waits until the boat is about 10 meters from the stage, then presses the switch on her remote control unit: there is a modest explosion, and two inflatable dolls shoot up into the air accompanied by two red cloaks and a plume of dark red dye ...)

Mrs. BRUMMEL.
Oh, Bob! Bob! (She starts crying. And simultaneously ...)

Mlle BACKSON.
Moisi ! Oh, non ! Moisi! (She starts crying.)

M. ROCHEFORT.
Chut ! (His voice is very gentle.) Chut, t'affole pas, ma petite chatte. (And simultaneously ...)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Hush! (His voice is very gentle.) Hush, Honeybun; there's no need to be upset. They were just dolls; ... just a joke in the very poorest taste. ...


9.30 a.m. Last morning of half-term. In a room, are the 5th-Remove, the Year 11 students from the Lycée, Dr. B., M. Rochefort, and Mlle B. ...

Mlle BACKSON.
Bonjour, mesdemoiselles et messieurs. ... Certains d'entre vous avez l'air fatigué ; ... peut-être vous ne devriez pas brûler la chandelle par les deux bouts !? (Her tone has an edge; looks of studied innocence from many of the students.) Quoi qu'il en soit, sans plus de céremonie, notre deuxième lecture du docteur Brummel... Bob ?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Merci, Charlotte... Bonjour, tout le monde !... Ce matin je voudrais vous introduire à la génétique du système ABO des groupes sanguins. Cette introduction fournira le contexte nécessaire pour notre visite à l'hôpital de Borchester cet après-midi... Afin de faciliter votre compréhension au sujet, j'ai traduit un tableau des termes importants en la génétique mendélien que j'ai déjà donné à la première classe de Narkover... Aramis, fais les honneurs, s'il vous plaît.

ARAMIS.
Avec plaisir, Monsieur. (He hands to each student a copy of this first table shown below.)

Tableau des termes importants en la génétique mendélien
Terme	Définition ou description
Gène *	L'unité fondamentale du héritage; soit, un caractère qui peut être hérité.
Allèle †	L'un de plusieurs formes différentes d'un gène; telles alternatives surgissent l'un de l'autre par mutations.
Génotype ‡	Les deux allèles qui sont présents pour un caractère spécifique.
Phénotype	L'expression chimique et physique du génotype; soit, la résultante de l'interaction entre le génotype d'un organisme et l'environnement de son développement.
Allèle dominant	Un allèle d'une paire qui a un effet sur le phénotype quand il est homozygous ou hétérozygous: montré dans un schéma génétique par une majuscule; par ex., A
Allèle récessif	Un allèle d'une paire qui a un effet sur le phénotype seulement quand il est homozygous: montré dans un schéma génétique par une minuscule; par ex., a
Allèles codominants	Les deux allèles d'une paire ont un effet sur le phénotype quand ils sont hétérozygous; chacun montré dans un schéma génétique par une majuscule; par ex., B C
Allèle lié au chromosome sexuel §	Une forme alternative d'un gène qui est porté sur un chromosome sexuel (X ou Y): montré dans un schéma génétique par un indice supérieur sur le chromosome; par ex., XD
Homozygote	Où deux allèles pour une caractéristique sont les mêmes; par ex., EE ou ee
Hétérozygote	Où deux allèles pour une caractéristique sont différents; par ex., Ee
F1 génération	La progéniture des parents homozygotes
F2 génération	La progéniture d'un croisement entre la F1 génération
* En la génétique mendélien, les termes gène et allèle ont des significations différentes. Hélas, en la génétique moléculaire, ces deux derniers ont pris la même signification; soit, la séquence de bases qui code pour la synthèse d'un polypeptide (mais, strictement, c'est le seul définition cohérent d'un allele). Et, pour ajouter à encore plus de confusion, il y a une tendance à utiliser le mot gène (au singulier) lorsque le mot gènes serait plus approprié (parce que beaucoup de protéines sont formées d'une ou plus polypeptides). † Une mutation est le changement spontané de la séquence de bases de l'acide désoxyribonucléique (ADN) ou de l'acide ribonucléique (ARN). ‡ Les alleles peuvent être très nombreaux mais, sur les chromosomes, chaque gène ne peut être représenté que par deux allèles (soit, l'un paternal et l'autre maternal). § Linkage sexuel peut être déterminé souvent d'un examen d'un arbre génealogique; soit, une répartition inégale des phénotypes entre les mâles et les femâles normalement est attribuable au linkage sexuel.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Je vous donne environ cinq minutes à lire ce premier tableau avant de continuer. (About 5 minutes later ...) C'est sur le chromosome 9 qu'on se trouve le locus des trois allèles dont l'action sera la synthèse des antigènes du système ABO des groupes sanguins ; ces trois allèles, A, B et O, forment une série allélique. La correspondance entre les génotypes et les phénotypes est illustrée par ce prochain tableau. ... Aramis, fais les honneurs, s'il vous plaît.

ARAMIS.
Moi, Monsieur,... encore ?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Certainement; l'exercice forme le caractère ! (He smiles.)

ARAMIS.
Oui, Monsieur ; du moins c'est ce qu'on dit ! (Both he and Dr. B. smile, then Ar. hands to each student a copy of this second table shown below.)

Tableau du système ABO des groupes sanguins
Génotypes	IAIA ou IAIo	IBIB ou IBIo	IAIB	IoIo
Antigène(s) des globules rouges	A	B	A et B	ni A ni B
Anticorps ont produit	anti-A	anti-B	ni anti-A ni anti-B	anti-A et anti-B
Phénotypes (groupes sanguins)	A	B	AB	O
Fréquence (population blanche)	45%	9%	3%	43%
... Groupe AB est «le receveur universal», parce qu'aucun des deux anticorps sont produits (soit, ni anti-A ni anti-B). Groupe O est «le donneur universal», parce que les deux anticorps sont produits (soit, anti-A et anti-B). ... ... Draculas naissants, prenez note!

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Écoutez bien, s'il vous plaît... Les allèles A et B sont de puissance équivalente ; on dit qu'ils sont codominants. Tandis que l'allèle O est dit récessif ; on dit amorphe, à proprement parler, parce qu'il est un allèle sans expression apparente... Quoi qu'il en soit, comme vous pouvez voir, ce sont donc les allèles A et B qui contrôlent l'expression des antigènes A et B... Oui, Athos ?

ATHOS.
Monsieur, qu'est-ce que c'est un antigène, s'il vous plaît ?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Un antigène est une substance étrangère à l'organisme qui induit une réponse immunitaire... Et maintenant, étayons nos études avec un peu d'entraînement ! (He scrolls down the blackboard to reveal this diagram.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Cet arbre génealogique montre les groupes sanguins d'huit individus. Je voudrais vous construire un schéma génétique de montrer les génotypes et les phénotypes de la progéniture des individus 7 et 8,... dont nous appelons «Monique» et «Guillaume» : et pourquoi pas ? (He casts a brief glance at Porthos.) ... Au boulet, s'il vous plaît ! (The students get busy. About 10 minutes later ...) Nous sommes prêts ?... Oui ?... Bon ! Voici mon schéma génétique ! (He scrolls down the blackboard to reveal this diagram.)

... Nous sommes d'accord ? (Uniform looks of consternation on the faces of the French students.) Non ?... Oui, Constance ?

CONSTANCE.
Euh,... Monsieur, mon schéma génétique est un échiquier.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Un carré de Punnett ; c'était une idée heureuse !... Auriez-vous l'amabilité de dessiner votre schéma au tableau noir ?

CONSTANCE.
Oui, Monsieur; pas de problème. (She draws the following diagram on the blackboard.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Merci beaucoup, Constance... Oui, Porthos ?

PORTHOS.
Plus tôt, vous avez mentionné une réponse immunitaire... Quelle est sa importance, Monsieur, s'il vous plaît ?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
En un mot, l'homéostasie ; c'est-à-dire, le maintien de la constance du milieu intérieur malgré les changes du milieu extérieur.

PORTHOS.
J'ai présumé ça ; mais, Monsieur, est-ce que nous pourrions avoir les détails qui sont pertinent aux groupes sanguins, s'il vous plaît ?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Bien sûr... J'y penserai... Ah !... Considérons une mère enceinte et l'enfant qu'elle porte... Si la mère enceinte et le fœtus ont des groupes sanguins différents, puis le mélange de leur sang induirait une réponse immunitaire... À savoir, le fœtus produit des anticorps de neutraliser les antigènes du sang maternal ; le resultat sera le coagulant du sang et, par consequent, la contenance du sang fœtale de porter le dioxygène serait réduit ; ceci à son tour mènerait probablement aux lésions cérébrales du fœtus, parce que le dioxygène est exigé pour la respiration aérobie des toutes cellules : et compris celle-ci vaut surtout pour le cerveau.

PORTHOS.
D'où le besoin du placenta, Monsieur ?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Bravo ! Vous avez tout à fait raison !... (He addresses the class.) Avez-vous d'autres questions ?... Non ? Très bien, d'accord ! (He turns to Rochefort.) ... Moisi ?

M. ROCHEFORT.
Merci beaucoup, Bob... Ce serait peut-être une bonne idée de rompre pour un brunch tôt ? (Mlle B. nods.) ...


12.30 p.m. Last afternoon of half-term. The 5th-Remove and the Year 11 students from the Lycée, together with M. Rochefort, Mlle. B., Dr. B., and Matron Nightingale, travel to Borchester Hospital by coach; this party are greeted in the hospital grounds by Dr. Gustav Krautmann ...

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Welcome, everybody. ... This hospital's staff is pleased to be able to provide the facilities for determining your blood groups. I know Dr. Brummel has already introduced you all to the genetics of the ABO system, so my fairly short talk, a little later on this afternoon, will focus on the medical aspects. ... Matron, would you care to add anything?

MATRON.
Yes, indeed, Doctor. ... I would like to remind all students that this is a working hospital with seriously ill patients: so high spirits will not be tolerated. (She then focuses on the rump of the sans-culottes.) In particular, should any incidents of misbehaviour reach my ears, the 5th-Remove can expect little sympathetic treatment from me when they visit my surgery. (She observes Flashman raising an eyebrow.) ... Or, to read Flashman's thoughts, even less than usual. (She betrays the merest hint of a smile.)

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Thank you, Matron. ... We will rendez-vous in the Immunology Department at 2 p.m., sharp! In the meantime, might I suggest you obtain some refreshments or explore the public areas of the hospital? (The students and staff disperse; then he turns to talk to Matron.) ... Ah, Florence, do I espy a gift for Dr. Stuart tucked beneath your arm? I know you have a soft spot for him; what is it that Burns wrote: ... "Thou art sweet as the smile when fond lovers meet."? (He smiles in a teasing manner; Matron colours ever so slightly.)

MATRON.
Hmph! I dinna have anything of the sort! ... Your literary allusion is hardly apt. ... Burns wrote it, during his last illness, in honour of the lady who ministered to him: which probably does not apply to Dr. Stuart, and certainly not to myself! (In a marked manner, she straightens non-existant creases in her crisply starched blue uniform.)

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Surely, Florence, thou protesteth too much? ...


4.30 p.m. Last afternoon of half-term. Dr. S. is reading in bed, in a side-ward of Borchester Hospital, and listening to an overture-suite by Veracini; Alice, Malice, and Salice enter gracefully ...

GIRLS.
Salut, prof ! (In unison, as they enter.)

Dr. STUART.
Ah! Pas les trois mousquetaires, mais trois anges qui sont tombés en disgrâce ! (He looks mock severe.)

ALICE.
Euh, Monsieur, qu'est ce que vous voulez dire par là, s'il vous plaît? (Each girl has a look of studied innocence.)

Dr. STUART.
Bôf !... Est-ce qu'il faut que vous fasse un dessin ? (He smiles.) Je parle de la frasque hier soir : comme vous ne le savez trop bien !

MALICE.
Mais, sûrement, Monsieur, est-ce que vous ne pensez pas que les vestiges des «sans-culottes» étaient responsables?

SALICE.
Oui, Monsieur, après tout,... cette frasque a porté leurs marques ; soit, l'eau, un bateau, des capes rouges, etc...

Dr. STUART.
C'est juste ! (Each girl looks relieved.) ... Mais, M. Rochefort a trouvé aussi votre carte de visite près du lac !

SALICE.
Notre carte de visite !? Monsieur, qu'est-ce que c'est que ça, s'il vous plaît ?

Dr. STUART.
Ah ! Deux traditions consacrés de la jeunesse : l'impetuosité et la manque de sincérité. (He sighs; then smiles.) Chaque trimestre votre carte de visite a été, sans faute, une gerbe de belladones! (Each girl looks stunned.)

MALICE.
Mais, Monsieur, comment est-ce que vous saviez ça ?

Dr. STUART.
C'est peu importe. Cependant, je vous rappellerai que je ne suis pas né d'hier !

ALICE.
C'est juste, Monsieur ; les apparences ne sont pas toujours trompeuses !? (She smiles.)

Dr. STUART.
Quel sacré culot ! (He smiles.) ... Toutefois, en passant à un registre plus sérieux, j'ai vraiment besoin de me reposer en paix maintenant... (He waves away the three girls in a good-natured manner.)

GIRLS.
À tantôt, prof ! (In unison, as they leave.) ...


11.00 a.m. The 5th-Remove's Science lesson on the first morning after half-term; Dr. B. in attendance ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Good morning, Class. Mmm, ... Most of you appear to be more than a touch jaded after your half-term excursions: though, to be brutally frank, I am not brimming over with sympathy. Nevertheless, we Brummels are well known for our tolerance; accordingly, this morning's lesson will be low-key. ... So, will you now please root out your marked script of, and the model answers for, Mock 10? (The students do so.) ...


11.00 a.m. One of the 5th-Remove's Science lessons in the 8th week of the term; Dr. B. in attendance ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Good morning, Class. ... As previously trumpeted, the lesson this morning will be our last one on Mendelian genetics this academic year. And, as you know from your last assignment, the topic is hemophilia; an hereditary disease which results in the body having almost no ability to clot blood. ... And, not surprisingly, perhaps, in order to place our studies in their correct context, we need to have a clear idea of the importance of blood. ... So, Mumford, please enlighten us!

MUMFORD.
Yes, Sir. Homeostasis; that is, to maintain the constancy of the internal environment despite changes in the external environment. Blood is involved in the homeostatic control of internal temperature, and in the transport of homeostatic concentrations of nutrients, ions, dioxygen, hormones, waste metabolites,... (Dr. B. holds up his hand, and smiles.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
That's enough for the moment! I'm sure that — had I allowed Mumford to continue with his splendid monolog — he would have informed us that blood contains the two types of white cells responsible for minimizing infection; these are ...? East!?

EAST.
Phagocytes and lymphocytes, Sir.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Correct. ... Brown, the role of the phagocytes is?

BROWN.
Phagocytes ingest pathogens either at the site of the wound or as they are filtered out of tissue fluid when it passes through the lymph nodes, Sir.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Correct. ... Unman, that of the lymphocytes?

UNMAN.
Lymphocytes produce antibodies that neutralize the antigens of the invading pathogens, Sir.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Correct. ... Now, to complete our background to hemophilia, a summary of clotting. ... Alice, would you oblige, please?

ALICE.
Sir. (She glances at her notes, then takes a deep breath.) The contact between platelets and tissue components results in a series of enzyme-catalyzed reactions; the final one of these involves the thrombin-catalyzed conversion of soluble fibrinogen to insoluble fibrin so that a physical barrier to the further entry of pathogens is provided by a network of protein fibres across a wound.

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Splendid, Alice. Thank you. ... Now, the various substances involved in this series of enzyme-catalyzed reactions have been assigned so-called Factor numbers; for example, Factor I is soluble fibrinogen, and Factor IV are calcium ions. ... And the syndrome known as hemophilia results from the body's inability to synthesize one protein, known as Factor VIII: which brings us neatly onto the genetics. (He pauses to glance at each student's workspace.) ... I note that some of you haven't gotten the Table of Mendelian genetics to hand! (Several students root out same.) ... I doubt whether Mark Twain would have approved, but the genetics of this trait is usually introduced in the context of «royal blood»: and, we will similarly be a slave to convention. (He smiles as he scrolls down the blackboard to reveal this diagram.)

... Wittering?

WITTERING.
Yes, Sir?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
I hope you are appreciative of my effort to spell hemophilia «correctly»?

WITTERING.
Yes, Sir; your progress has been noted! (His breezy tone is leavened by a smile; reciprocated by Dr. B.) ... Yes, Zigo?

ZIGO.
Sir, I don't see the relevance of Mark Twain. (He frowns.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Strictly speaking, there is none; ... except that Twain was rather waspish about the aristocracy in A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. ... Now, from an inspection of this family tree, what can be inferred about the inheritance of this trait? ... Shandy!?

SHANDY.
Oh! ... Er, ... Haemophilia is sex-linked, Sir?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Good. Because?

SHANDY.
There is an unequal distribution of phenotypes between males and females, Sir?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Excellent! ... Yes, Flashman?

FLASHMAN.
So, like colour-blindness, Sir?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Exactly! ... Accordingly, I would like you to draw diagrams of the chromosomes, alleles, genotypes, and phenotypes that are relevant to this sex-linked trait. (The class get busy; after about 5 minutes ...) Everybody finished? Yes? Good! Salice, perhaps would you come up and redraw your diagrams on the blackboard, please?

SALICE.
Yes, Sir. (She does so, as shown below.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Thank you, Salice. ... Now, as night follows day, I am sure you should be able to predict your next task? (Chorus, in a groaning tone, of "Yes, Sir, genetic diagrams!") Just so! (He smiles.) However,... (Popsy interrupts.)

POPSY.
Sorry to interrupt, Sir, but which type? Punnett squares?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Yes, Popsy, why not? However, I think a slight divison of labor might be appropriate. Each of the ladies can draw one for a cross between a carrier female and a normal male; whereas each of the «gentlemen» can draw one for a cross between a carrier female and a male hemophiliac. ... ... Class, there is no time like the present! (The class get busy; after about 5 minutes ...) Let me see, ... Malice and McKechnie, the honors, please.

MALICE & McKECHNIE.
Yes, Sir. (In unison. They do so, as shown below.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Thank you, both. ... I would like... (Lolli interjects.)

LOLLI.
Gosh, Sir, I've only just realized that there are no female haemophiliacs in that family tree on the board. (Merridew starts laughing; then says ...)

MERRIDEW.
But that's obvious, Sir. (His tone is dismissive.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
So, Merridew, is your rudeness and utter arrogance. (Me. looks crushed.) Lolli may, indeed, have stated the obvious: but that can hardly be considered a capital offense. ... Can you explain their absence from this family tree, aside from their relative infrequency indicated statistically from the Punnett squares ... Merridew!?

MERRIDEW.
No, Sir. ... I'm sorry, Sir. (He looks contrite.)

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Although there could be several reasonable explanations, two should provide the necessary perspective. First, we assume — and I don't just mean the «royal we» (He smiles.) — that this family tree is complete; that's to say, it contains the offspring of all fertilized zygotes. However, in practice, this will certainly be a false assumption. Thus, such trees usually contain no information about spontaneous abortions; sadly, these occur in 40% or more of all pregnancies. Nor do they usually include details of, what might be delicately described as, conceptions on the wrong side of the blanket. ... And second, few (if any) female hemophiliacs will reach reproductive maturity, because of the onset of menstruation at puberty. ... Now, to conclude your studies of hemophilia, I would like you to summarize the progress of recombinant DNA technology in developing blood products; some research in the library would not go amiss! (He smiles.) ...


4.35 p.m. Brown, East, Mumford, and Unman are mooching around the room allocated to the hobby of handicraft; Sig. Sal. and his lady wife enter ...

Sig. SALIERI.
Ciao, tutti! ... This afternoon I have brought along my lady wife, because she has repeatedly expressed an interest in seeing what we do in our little club. (His tone is one of warm pride.)

MUMFORD.
Signora, may I welcome you on behalf of the four of us?

VESPINA.
Thank you, Mumford.

UNMAN.
Signora, this is our board game based on Gulliver's Travels. (He points to a largish table covered with objects.) It's not finished yet: but it's well on the way! (She gives the table a perfunctory look.)

VESPINA.
And this, Brown? (She points to another table covered with objects.)

BROWN.
Oh! A model village — made mostly out of matchsticks, as you can see — of the setting for a play that Chalice and Spats are currently writing in La Rochelle. ...

EAST.
Yes, Signora; but we don't know whether we've interpreted correctly their rather threadbare plans. (V. listens with studied politeness.)

VESPINA.
Mmm, ... Good. What might be these? (She points to a third table covered with objects.)

MUMFORD.
They are electronically activated mobiles; the letters 'A', 'C', 'G', and 'T' represent... (V. interrupts.)

VESPINA.
Sounds splendid, Mumford. ... Thank you, boys. (She leaves the room; said boys look both upset and dejected.) ...

UNMAN.
Um, ... Sir, why did your wife leave so soon?

Sig. SALIERI.
I don't really know, Unman; she may have needed to get back to her jam-making. (He smiles winsomely.)

BROWN.
Sir, I honestly don't want to appear rude, ... but your wife didn't seem the remotest bit interested in our efforts.

Sig. SALIERI.
I'm really sorry, lads. Perhaps she just wanted to check up on me; to make sure I'm not having an affair! (He smiles.)

EAST.
Sir, you wish!

Sig. SALIERI.
Many a true word is spoken in jest. (Sotto voce.) ...


11.00 a.m. One of the 5th-Remove's Science lessons in the 10th week of the term; Dr. S. in attendance ...

Dr. STUART.
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. ... Dr. Brummel informs me that he has introduced you to recombinant DNA technology. And, coincidentally, one particular aspect of this technique has indirect relevance to some unfinished business. (The class look mystified.) ... Come on! ... ... Yes, Brown?

BROWN.
Sir, would you be referring to our long-standing project, by any chance? ... "The Relationship between the Tropical Rainforests and Dresden".

Dr. STUART.
I would indeed! (Chorus of muted groans.) ... Yes, Unman?

UNMAN.
But, Sir, I don't have my project notes with me. (Chorus of affirmatory noises.)

Dr. STUART.
No matter; we can make some progress on the hoof. ... With whom shall we start? (He smiles.) ... Wittering, please?

WITTERING.
Yes, Sir. ... One link is destruction: the Rainforests are being destroyed; and Dresden was almost completely destroyed in the Second World War.

Dr. STUART.
Excellent! ... Malice, please?

MALICE.
Sir. ... The Rainforests contain an unparalleled wealth of living species; and, according to Sig. Salieri, prior to the Second World War, Dresden contained an unparalleled wealth of cultural treasures.

Dr. STUART.
Excellent! ... McKechnie, perhaps you might care to conflate the two links outlined by Wittering and Malice?

McKECHNIE.
Yes, Sir, I'll try. ... Er, ... The destruction of both the Tropical Rainforests and Dresden has resulted in the loss of an unparalleled amount of natural and cultural treasures?

Dr. STUART.
Splendid! Well done indeed. ... Nevertheless, Class, albeit unwittingly, McKechnie omitted one very important word from his conflation. ... ... Yes, Flashman?

FLASHMAN.
I don't know what word you're looking for, Sir. But, last term, Spats mentioned something to the effect that Dresden's treasures had only been partially catalogued prior to the War. And, presumably, one would be safe in assuming that many of the Rainforest's treasures had not been catalogued prior to their extinction.

Dr. STUART.
A correct assumption; well done! So, Class, let me rephrase McKechnie's statement in the light of Flashman's implied link. ... The destruction of both the Tropical Rainforests and Dresden has resulted in the loss of an unparalleled, but unknown, amount of natural and cultural evolution. ... Mmm? Whilst, gratifyingly, most of you appear to be intrigued, I doubt whether any of you have appreciated the full import of that statement? (Class continue to wear puzzled frowns.) ... Yes, Mumford?

MUMFORD.
May we have a clue, please, Sir?

Dr. STUART.
Mmm, ... Let me think. ... Yes, ... perhaps this detour may prove fruitful. Consider, if you will, Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa. First, the existence of this painting is known; that is, it has been catalogued. And second, the painting has been, for want of a better term, thoroughly analyzed. Accordingly, should this treasure be accidently or wantonly destroyed — by fire, for example — craftsmen would be able to reproduce it exactly. ... Yes, Salice?

SALICE.
But, Sir, surely this copy would be worth next to nothing?

Dr. STUART.
True; ... its relative worth as measured by its contemporary commercial value. ... However, its absolute worth would be undiminished because each and every future generation would have the opportunity of appreciating Leonardo's inspiration, vision, brushwork, technique, and so forth. ... Perhaps the clearest example of this truism concerns Shakespeare. Thus, not a single autograph has survived — possibly because he himself destroyed the manuscripts — yet, because of the foresight of Condell and Heminges in preparing the so-called First Folio in 1623, four years after the Bard's death, each successive generation has had, and will continue to have, the opportunity of appreciating Shakespeare's inspiration, etc., etc. ... ... Class, because the puzzled looks have, by and large, disappeared, I feel that the light may have begun to dawn. Accordingly, I would like each of you to construct a summary of the links so far and their importance. ... Now, please! (The class get busy; he walks round, looking over each student's shoulder. About 5 minutes later ...) Good! Alice, would you share your summary with us, please? (He smiles encouragingly.)

ALICE.
Yes, Sir. ... The destruction of both the Tropical Rainforests and Dresden has resulted in the loss of an unparalleled, but unknown, amount of natural and cultural evolution; these irretrievable losses will prevent every future generation having the opportunity either to use or to appreciate these treasures.

Dr. STUART.
Thank you, Alice, beautifully composed. (A. looks chuffed.) Auspiciously, each of you constructed a summary similar to Alice's one; but, her use of the words "irretrievable" and "evolution" was particularly felicitous. (The rest of the class rapidly emend their notes.) ... You may be pleased, or otherwise, to know that there is yet more! (He smiles, in response to their looks of exasperation.) However, because none of the ladies were present during the second-half of last summer's term, the next link will have to be developed by the «gentlemen»: so, cast your minds back. (Each boy looks pensive.) ... ... Yes, Merridew?

MERRIDEW.
I don't really remember very clearly, Sir. I know that some of us were in the «dog-house» that second-half; and I've got a vague feeling you referred to some set books in order to persecute poor old Flashy. (Dr. S. laughs indecorously.)

Dr. STUART.
Nonsense! I may not have been my usual genial self — and with good reason, as I recall, (He casts a stern eye, over the top of his glasses, at F., Mc., Me., W., and then Z.) — but to recollect my cajolery of Flashman — hereafter, known as the defenceless waif (He smiles.) — as persecution is fanciful indeed! ... Nevertheless, Merridew has provided the correct context; hint, set books? ... Yes, East?

EAST.
Like Jack, Sir, my recollections are bit vague. But, I do remember that «responsibility» was a common theme in those set books: er, ... An Inspector Calls, Lord of the Flies, and ... yes, Macbeth, that was the third one.

Dr. STUART.
Well remembered, East. (E. looks chuffed.) ... Yes, Lolli?

LOLLI.
Sir, Shandy, Popsy, and me haven't done An Inspector Calls. (She looks a bit miffed.)

Dr. STUART.
No matter. (His tone is empathatic.) Though, as an aside, Lolli, I think your choice of the word "done" is singularly ill-advised; I doubt whether Mr. Gowers would approve of you equating your studies of those works with an unpleasant form of household chore! (He smiles.) ... Yes, Popsy?

POPSY.
Be that as it may, ... as you might say, Sir, (Gasps from several of the class.) where does «responsibility» fit in?

Dr. STUART.
Ah, yes! ... Let us consider Dresden, first. Since the War, there have been endless discussions, between all and sundry, about who was responsible and whether they had justification for its destruction. But, such discussions have never been placed in the context of the more important aspect: that is, regardless of the justification, or otherwise, for Dresden's destruction at the time, those responsible were indisputably taking a decision on behalf of all future generations. ... Yes, Mumford?

MUMFORD.
Would you go through that again, Sir. A bit slower, please?

Dr. STUART.
Certainly. (He repeats the above, more slowly.) ... Now, I would like each of you to write down a parallel construction for the Tropical Rainforests. (The class get busy; he walks round. About 5 minutes later ...) Splendid! Shandy, would you share your construction with us, please?

SHANDY.
Er,... Yes, Sir. ... There are endless discussions, between all and sundry, about who is responsible, and whether they have justification for the continuing destruction of the Tropical Rainforests. However, such discussions are never placed in the context of the more important aspect: thus, regardless of the justification, or otherwise, for their destruction at the present time or previously, those responsible are taking an irreversible decision on behalf of all future generations with respect to the treasures produced by natural evolution.

Dr. STUART.
Well done, Shandy; absolutely magnificent! As before, each of you composed a similar construction. But, Shandy's one had that felicitous touch; to wit, "the treasures produced by natural evolution". (The rest of the class emend their notes.) ... Yes, Lolli?

LOLLI.
So, Sir, surely, in your construction for Dresden, shouldn't you have included "with respect to the treasures produced by cultural evolution"!?

Dr. STUART.
So I should! But, Lolli, to forgive is divine? (He smiles; class emend their notes.) ... Yes, McKechnie?

McKECHNIE.
Sir, at the start of the lesson, you hinted that one aspect of recombinant DNA technology would have indirect relevance to the project? (Dr. S. nods.) Might this be, that those exploiting this technique are responsible, ... er, (He shakes his head; Dr. S. nods encouragingly.) ... for taking an irreversible decision on behalf of all future generations?

Dr. STUART.
Absolutely, McKechnie! Certain decisions, however justified at the time, are taken on behalf of all future generations: so the word «responsibility» demands a deeper perspective. Unfortunately, with the approach of the exams, we will have to defer those discussions until Year 12. ... ... Doubtless, each one of you will be relieved to know that we will not be considering the project any further in Year 11; though I do expect you to have prepared a report by the end of term. ... However, in the faint hope that one or two of you might care to know our direction in Year 12, consider this. During the next thousand years, the universe outside our solar system will be effectively unchanged; note the age of the universe. Will future generations, say one or two hundred years hence, judge that the species Man, Homo sapiens, was responsible in using its resources, by definition limited, to acquire any knowledge of the universe outside our solar system, when it had the opportunity of conserving those treasures evolved, naturally and culturally, on the planet Earth over a period of 4 billion years? (The bell rings.) Perfect timing! ... Class dismissed. ...


11.15 p.m. Listening to a sonata by Pisendel, Dr. S. is about to draw close his study's curtains; through a window, he espies Mlle Gossâge surreptitiously placing an envelope in the hollow of a tree ...

________________________________________________________________________________________

3. Authors of specialist texts have adopted the convention whereby the inclusion of previous research is accompanied by an explicit reference to the original material. [Three diverse examples are ... Graupner, J. C.: Overture-Suite in F, Hessische Landes und Hochschulbibliothek, Darmstadt, Ms. 464/41. Schoolcraft, H. R.: Personal Memoirs ... A.D. 1842, Lippincott, Grambo & Co., Philadelphia, 1851. Barkigia, K. M. et al.: Crystal and Molecular Structure of Methyl Bacteriopheophorbide a. A Model for a Primary Electron Acceptor in Bacterial Photosynthesis, J. Amer. Chem. Soc., 1981, 5890.] This convention is a felicitous one, because it is intrinsically courteous, it minimizes plagiarism, and it facilitates the efforts of those wishing to re-examine the material.

Authors of introductory texts, by contrast, have not adopted this noble convention; not because they are discourteous, but because of a genuine desire not to overburden the beleaguered student. One might reasonably suppose that such altruisim is not accompanied by limitations: and, in principle, this is true. However, in practice, this is not necessarily so, as implied by Dr. John Barrett, a distinguished academic, who wrote in Understanding Inorganic Chemistry, Ellis Horwood, Chichester, 1991: "At the school level, some earlier theories are put forward as present-day explanations."

A bird's-eye-view of possible limitations can be gained by examining an example in practice. And that chosen here is the Reactivity of Metals; a topic which has become inextricably entwined with Table 5 below (or ostensibly similar variants thereof).

Table 5
	Observations of reactions of metals with water and/or steam *
K	Violent reaction with cold water; metal floated on water as a small molten ball; evolved gas burnt spontaneously with a lilac flame; resulting solution turned universal indicator paper blue-purple.
Ca	Very vigorous reaction with cold water; evolved gas produced an explosive pop with a lighted splint; resulting milky-white suspension, which was very hot, turned universal indicator paper dark-blue.
Na	Very vigorous reaction with cold water; metal floated on water as a small molten ball; evolved gas did not burn spontaneously, but produced an explosive pop with a lighted splint; resulting solution turned universal indicator paper blue-purple.
Mg	Little or no reaction with cold water. Very slow reaction with hot water (containing traces of universal indicator solution); the solution changed slowly from green to blue over a period of two hours (but no precipitate formed). Rapid reaction with steam; white solid formed; evolved gas burnt.
Al	No reaction with boiling water: although reaction with boiling water containing a catalytic quantity of sodium chloride; evolved gas burnt with an explosive pop. Fairly rapid reaction with steam; white solid formed; evolved gas burnt.
Zn	No reaction with boiling water. Fairly slow reaction with steam; initially formed yellow solid cooled to a white solid; evolved gas burnt intermittently.
Fe	Very slow reaction with steam; black solid formed; gas, if evolved, not in sufficient quantity to be burnt.
Sn	Little or no reaction with steam; trace of white solid formed.
Pb	Little or no reaction with steam; trace of white solid formed.
Cu	No (evidence for) reaction with steam.
Ag	No (evidence for) reaction with steam.
* Caveat 1: These results do not refer to controlled experiments; i.e., no specific attempts were made to keep certain independent variables constant (e.g., either the mass or the surface area of metal, the volume of water, or absence of adventitious catalysts). Caveat 2: This table presents descriptors which indicate both energy changes and relative reaction speeds; this conflation must not be allowed to obscure the fact that there is no connection between the heat energy change and the activation energy of a chemical reaction.

No self-respecting student, however charitable, would describe Table 5 as a paragon of virtue: indeed, it contains a multitude of sins. For example, the author asserts that copper doesn't react with steam: this may well be true, but was the copper in granular or powder form, might copper have reacted if the experiment had been allowed to continue for longer than the unspecified time or had been conducted in the presence of a catalyst (cf. aluminium)? Nevertheless, Table 5 is self-evidently a massive improvement over those tables, which are ostensibly similar, often included in introductory texts; thus, aside from the much greater detail, the inclusion of the two caveats will preclude the possibility of a student committing the cardinal sin of conflating two completely unrelated aspects of chemical behaviour: which, most unfortunately, is so easily done. ...

The addition of a small quantity of solid potassium to water results in the molten metal whizzing over the water's surface and the evolved gas catching fire with a lilac flame. By contrast, a similar experiment with solid lithium merely results in steady evolution of the same gas (dihydrogen). ... Clearly, unless one has precisely defined the meaning of the term reactivity beforehand, there is an irresistible tendency to interpret the results of these experiments as: potassium metal is more reactive than lithium metal. But! ...

The correct interpretation of these experiments is summarized above (in the pair of energy level diagrams) and as follows. Potassium has a low melting point, 63°C, and so the heat of reaction is sufficient to make it melt; the molten metal spreads out to expose a larger surface area, and so it reacts even faster: as a result, heating in situ causes the dihydrogen gas to catch fire. By contrast, lithium reacts much more slowly, because it has a higher melting point, 181°C, and so there are fewer collisions between the particles; its reaction with water is more exothermic (Table 6), but this heat energy is released more slowly.

Table 6
Ergonic process / kJ mol-1	Li	K	Na
M(s) ————————————————® M(g) DHS	161	90	109
M(g) ————————————————® M1+(g) + e- DHI	520	419	496
M1+(g) ———————————————® M1+(aq) DHH	-523	-331	-419
H1+(aq) + e- —————————® ½H2(g) DHR	-432	-432	-432
M(s) + H1+(aq) ———————® M1+(aq) + ½H2(g) DH	-274	-254	-246
DH = DHS + DHI + DHH + DHR, where: DHS is the heat of sublimation; DHI is the 1st ionization energy; DHH is the heat of hydration of the metal cation; and, DHR is the heat of reduction of the aqueous hydrogen ion to molecular dihydrogen.

Otherwise stated, for the reactant water: if speed of reaction is one's criterion for reactivity, then potassium is more reactive than lithium; however, if magnitude of the heat energy change is one's criterion for reactivity, then lithium is more reactive than potassium. [There is, incidentally, no justification for applying, willy-nilly, either order of reactivity to other reactants.]

For decades, experiments similar to those outlined above have blurred, in students' minds, the clear distinction between two variables, energy change and reaction speed. Whilst both the authors of research papers and specialist texts usually discuss reactivity exclusively in terms of energy changes, the authors of textbooks invariably feel compelled to remind readers of this distinction, perhaps because they assume that a conflation of these two variables may have established strong roots in their readers' minds.

Few (if any) mature scientists would demur from the view that there is nothing inherently wrong in using the term reactivity in two different contexts, providing each is specified and both are never conflated. In practice, these provisions can be realized by the adoption of the suite of controlled experiments outlined in Table 7, as a standard.

Table 7
	Temperature rise	Rate of gas evolved
Mg
Al
Zn
Fe
Cu
Independent variable: metal Constants: room temperature (___) and pressure (___); amount (___) and surface area (___) of metal; concentration (___), volume (___) and type (___) of dilute aqueous acid; absence of catalysts. Dependent variable 1: temperature rise (a measure of reactivity with respect to energy change of reaction). Dependent variable 2: rate of gas evolved (a measure of reactivity with respect to speed of reaction).

[Scene: At the seminary, with Father Ambrose and Brother Bernard.]

Br. BERNARD.
Father Ambrose, you are endowed with grey hair, and I but none: yet you continue to peddle specious conflations. Do you think, at your age, this is right?

Fr. AMBROSE.
Brother Bernard, our web of knowledge is axiomatically post Copernicus: but now that I know the locus of the sun, such doth not prevent me flying in the spirit of Icarus.

4. Language is a curious, perhaps downright confusing, beastie: is it not? Consider Flossy, a Year 8 student, who turns to her close friend, Candy, and says "What a boring Chemistry lesson.": whereupon, Candy says either "Tell me about it." or "You can say that again." Each of Candy's responses is known as an antiphrase, because each statement conveys the opposite meaning to the one intended literally. [Thus, Candy probably has no wish to chew the cud with Flossy over the non-existant merits of said lesson. Indeed, if the truth be known, both young ladies may well be impatient to discuss the finer points of silage making.]

Whilst the use of antiphrasal constructions is very common in everyday life, probably to the point of mind-numbing monotony to the sensitive soul, their use by students in lessons has, since time immemorial, been treated unsympathetically. [For example, at one time or another, one can assume that both Candy and Flossy will have said, in a plaintive tone of voice, "But, Miss, I should have obtained the marks, because you know what I meant." Although the said paragon (or dragon?) of the blackboard will almost certainly have known what her arable conscious young ladies did mean, their pleas will have cut no ice whatsoever.]

Obviously, the virtue of this apocryphal ice maiden will remain intact, so to speak, providing the said lady is self-consistent in her use of the meanings of words and phrases; or, subverting the words of the Yale academic N. H. Pearson, in establishing relationships between ideas and facts, her students do not become their own authors. However, this may be a regrettable eventuality — as the (initial) tenor of the following discussion would suggest? ...

An element is often defined as 'a pure substance which cannot be broken down into simpler substances by chemical means'; and, an atom is often defined as 'the smallest independent particle of an element'. Clearly, if one accepts these definitions, it follows that 'The Periodic Table of the Elements' should be retitled 'The Periodic Table of Each Free, Neutral, Gaseous Atom of the Elements', because this is precisely what such a Table does summarize. Moreover, the difference between these titles is decidedly non-trivial; thus, under ambient conditions, only six elements exist as free atoms (namely, He, Ne, Ar, Kr, Xe, and Rn), whereas all the hundred or so other elements exist as bonded atoms.

Whilst the mature scientist and the (maturing?) student probably share similar mental images of any given atom or element, the former has the incalculable advantage of having his or her perceptions being buffered automatically by caveats that have been acquired over a long period of study. ... Happily, however, a student may readily acquire the two most important caveats, firstly, by correcting the title on their personal copy of a Periodic Table, and secondly, by reflecting upon the contents of Table 8.

Table 8
	The ground state electronic structure of each (neutral) gaseous atom of the element	A brief, qualitative description of the Group 16 element, as it exists under ambient conditions
8O	[He], 2s2 2p4	Colorless gas, containing covalently bonded molecules of dioxygen and/or trioxygen.
16S	[Ne], 3s2 3p4	Yellow crystalline solid, containing covalently bonded molecules of octasulfur.
34Se	[Ar], 3d10, 4s2 4p4	Grey solid, containing atoms bonded together via localized, directional covalent bonds.
52Te	[Kr], 4d10, 5s2 5p4	Grey solid, containing atoms bonded together via localized, directional covalent bonds.
84Po	[Xe], 4f14, 5d10, 6s2 6p4	Grey solid, containing atoms bonded together via delocalized, omnidirectional covalent bonds which extend throughout a giant structure.

Finally, a waspish question with which to conclude [cf. Vespina (It.), female wasp]: Why should Candy and Flossy have to study The Structure and Reactivity of Group 1 Elements without Tables 1-8 of this text?

[Scene: At the seminary, with Father Ambrose and Brother Bernard.]

Br. BERNARD.
Father Ambrose, you have so much money, and I but none: yet you continue to peddle the habits of a Visigoth. Further, you should not have married and bore a son: so, pray, why are you still a man of the cloth?

Fr. AMBROSE.
Brother Bernard, I have answered three questions: and that is three too many! This may be a bitter pill to swallow, but your impertinence tempts me to leave you not a penny: so, be off with you, otherwise my will may be fallow! ...

________________________________________________________________________________________

{Francis Bacon, England's pre-eminent polymath of the late 16th and the early 17th century (and the probable author of the corpus attributed to William Shakespeare), wrote in his Novum Organum, London, 1620: "For what a man had rather were true he more readily believes. ..."}

Presented here, for the conscientious student who would like to develop further his or her abilities and perspectives in an unorthodox manner, are two fragmentary points of discussion which could be mulled over.

Also included here, to leaven these fragments, are selected scenes from the final trimester of Narkover College's inaugural year as an English-French bilingual establishment. [... Narkover's original mascot was a live canary bird, which acted as a biological indicator of the conditions in the first school-room (a Gothic monstrosity built in 1859). During one rote Scripture lesson, a year later, this feathered beastie keeled over and died. Though, doubtless, from opposite perspectives, both students and staff attributed the canary's demise to a broken spirit, resulting from the monotony of observing pearls being cast before swine (plus ça change?). The school's first Headmaster, an uncommonly close spiritual relative of Wackford Squeers, in a parody or otherwise of the Victorian tradition of taxidermy, had said bird stuffed: but, the archives do not reveal whether the mascot's name, Stuffet, was a daily cri de coeur of Narkoverians before or after its visit to the taxidermist ...]

PLAYLET 6: Doktor und Apotheker

4.00 p.m. Last afternoon of the vacation. A sprinkling of Narkover's staff — including Dr. B. Brummel (Science), Mrs. C. Brummel (French), Mr. E. Gowers (English), Mlle A. Gossâge (French), Mrs. E. Pond (Greek & Latin), Ms. G. Rottie (Humanities), Signore A. Salieri (Italian & Music), Signora V. Salieri (Home Economics), Dr. A. Stuart (Science), Mr. R. Thompson (Math & Physics), and Miss O. Wye (German & Gym) — are in the staff-room, a misbegotten mausoleum commonly referred to as Miss Havisham's Hotel; the Headmaster, Mr. Mervyn B. Pond, enters ...

Mr. POND.
Good afternoon, everybody. Welcome back. I do hope each of you has had an agreeable holiday. ... Shall we make a start on the agenda? ... Item 1: 'A' levels or the International Baccalaureate. ... As you all probably know, Narkover has been faithful to the A level system, for our Year 12 and 13 students, since its inception in the '50s. Nevertheless, at last week's meeting, the Governors passed a resolution which effectively requires us to provide them with a comparison of the respective merits of A levels and the I.B. ...

Mlle GOSSÂGE.
I have to say, Headmaster, this is a most unexpected request from the Governors; would you care to enlighten us on its background?

Mr. POND.
Truth to tell, Agnès, it was something of nothing. ... Thus, as I recall, during a quite general discussion of academic standards, Lady Mucke, obviously echoing a widely-held view, referred to A levels as "the gold standard". ... Whereupon Brigadier-General Truss-Forté, ... who, entre nous, had a distinctly post-prandial glow, ... muttered something to the effect that, "gold came in various carat sizes, with fools' gold at the bottom". And, not surprisingly, perhaps, in the circumstances, a bit of a commotion ensued.

Dr. STUART.
A commotion, Headmaster? ... Is one given to understand that those present rattled their mental jewellery?

Mr. POND.
Oh no! Absolutely not. Perish the thought! Breeding will out, as you know, Alec. ... I do so hope I am not betraying confidences, (His tone is mock conspiratorial.) but I did observe a few of the ladies tinkle their bone china and each gentleman positively refuse a second toasted crumpet. ... Be that as it may, I would like your deliberations before half-term. ... Let me see, ... Arsenio, would you be so kind as to coordinate the responses?

Sig. SALIERI.
With pleasure, Headmaster.

Mr. POND.
Thank you. ... Item 2: The Garden Fountain. Euphémie, dear; this is yours, I believe?

Mrs. POND.
Thank you, Bassett. ... I presume I'm not alone in observing that the water in the garden fountain changes colour; being yellow early in the morning, colourless at mid-day, and then becoming increasingly yellow from late afternoon onwards? (Several staff murmur agreement.) ... Perchance, does anyone have an explanation? ...

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Perhaps a partial one, Mrs. Pond. Those color changes would correspond roughly to the concentration of dissolved carbon dioxide in the water at those times of day.

Mrs. POND.
I had always thought carbon dioxide was colourless?

Dr. BRUMMEL.
Absolutely correct. (He smiles at Mrs. P.) I suspect that some scoundrels may have added acid-base indicators to the water; in principle, at least, this addition should have no effect on the fountain's ecology. (Dr. S. nods.)

Mr. POND.
Thank you, Bob. (He smiles warmly at Dr. B.) ... Moving on, please. Item 3: Cover for Dr. Stuart's Lessons. Alec will be hospitalized for three more weekly periods this term: so Rupert has prepared a revised timetable, (He smiles warmly at Mr. T.) which incorporates both cover for Alec's lessons and invigilation for the public examinations. (He points to said timetable on the staff notice board.) Item 4: Personal Hygiene of Students. ... Matron Nightingale has pointed out to me, in her own inimitable manner, that "if cleanliness is next to godliness, then our students ..." ... ... (About 45 minutes later ...) And last, but not least, an interesting suggestion from Mrs. Brummel, Item 13: The Introduction of Student Proms. Chandeleur, would you introduce the subject, please? (He smiles warmly at Mrs. B.)

Mrs. BRUMMEL.
Thank you, Headmaster. ... Since their introduction about 20 months ago, the proportion of young ladies at Narkover has risen to the level where one can seriously consider mounting an American-style Prom for one or more of the Year groups. Moreover, this would provide a useful vehicle to occupy the students after they have taken their examinations. ...

VESPINA.
Chandeleur, whilst our beau sexe may well be refined in such matters, I would guess that most of our «gentlemen» are the proud possessors of two left feet. (She smiles, waspishly.)

Mrs. BRUMMEL.
Yes, I would guess so, too. Fortunately, however, both Gwen and Olive have agreed to teach the Seniors some basic steps of ballroom dancing. (She gestures graciously to Ms. R. and Miss W., who both nod and smile.) ...

Mr. POND.
Splendid! ... Although Eustace came to the same conclusion, sometime before the rest of us, (He smiles at Mr. G., who is gently snoring.) I think we've finished. Thank you. ...


11.45 p.m. First night of the term. In the Headmaster's bedroom, Mr. Pond and his (pregnant) lady wife are asleep; Newton, their nine-month old son and heir, is in his cot ...

NEWTON POND.
Aimable personne de théâtre, vous vous me souvenez ?... Oui ? J'espère bien que oui !... Par où vais-je commencer ?... J'y penserai... Ah ! Je suis mûr pour mon âge,... comme vous le savez,... mais je suis pas plus avancé. Par exemple, il me semblait qu'un instant, mes parents parlaient du chocolat et de la groseille à maquereau, et l'instant d'après, ma bonne mère eu vomissements du matin. Quoi qu'il en soit, comme vous voyez, elle est enceinte de quatre ou cinq mois ; en fait elle a déjà subi une amniocentèse. Heureusement, le fœtus n'avait pas de défauts génétiques. ... Par contre, moins heureusement, à mon avis, cette analyse a révélé aussi que cette nouveau-née sera une femâle ! C'est ça : une sœur pour votre héros peu réticent. Mais, comme vous savez déjà, la femâle de l'espèce m'empoisonne la vie !... «Pauvre Newton», vous dites: et je suis d'accord ! Néanmoins, je ferai bonne contenance. ... À tantôt !...


2.45 p.m. First day of term. Sig. Sal. takes his first General Studies lesson of the term with the 5th-Remove (Year 11) ...

Sig. SALIERI.
Ciao, tutti!

CLASS.
Ciao, Professore. (In slightly patronizing tones.)

Sig. SALIERI.
Ms. Salice Albero.

SALICE.
Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Brown.

BROWN.
Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Ms. Shandy Drynck.

SHANDY.
Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
East. (No reply; E. is looking out of the window.) East!

EAST.
Present, Sir. (His tone is distracted.)

Sig. SALIERI.
Flashman.

FLASHMAN.
Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Ms. Malice A. Forthort.

MALICE.
Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Ms. Alice Lidell-Lonsdale. (No reply; A. is looking out of the window.) Alice!

ALICE.
Yes? ... Oh! Sorry, Sir. Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Alice, like East and several of the others, you appear to be attracted by the scenery outside. Might I enquire for what particular reason?

ALICE.
Sir, rather curiously, your lady wife is going from tree to tree, ... as if she is looking for something? (A. shrugs; Sig. Sal. colors slightly.)

Sig. SALIERI.
Perhaps, ... er, she is looking for suitable herbs to pep up her culinary delights? ... Where was I? ... Ah! McKechnie.

McKECHNIE.
Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Merridew.

MERRIDEW.
Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Mumford.

MUMFORD.
Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Pattullo.

PATTULLO.
Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Piggy: morto. ... Ms. Chalice Poison.

CHALICE.
Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Ms. Popsy Rice.

POPSY.
Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Ms. Lolli Stich.

LOLLI.
Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Unman. (No reply; U. is looking out of the window.) Unman!

UNMAN.
Oh? Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
This is beyond the pale! Unman, even I don't find my lady wife that attractive, ... so to speak. (He smiles.)

UNMAN.
You and me both. (Sotto voce)

Sig. SALIERI.
I beg your pardon!?

UNMAN.
I meant, it's not your wife, Sir; there is a moggy wandering about outside, who is a doppelgänger of Fleabit. (Admixture of gasps and astonished looks from the other boys; Sig. Sal. moves to the window, and looks through.) ...

Sig. SALIERI.
Mmm? ... Class, there is not a wife or cat in sight: please confirm! (Each student moves to the window, looks through, then returns to his or her seat wearing a puzzled frown.) Thank you! May we now complete this wretched roll-call? ... Wittering!

WITTERING.
Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Zigo!

ZIGO.
Present, Sir.

Sig. SALIERI.
Bene. (He sighs.) As I informed you before the vacation, my lessons this term have been redesignated as extra periods for revision. ... So, without further ado, and being sure to ignore any fatal attractions outside, I suggest that each of you starts your final programme of revision. (Each student roots out and then starts reading through a suite of Biology free-response questions and model answers.) ...

________________________________________________________________________________________

1. There once was an egg named Humpty Dumpty, who made the fatal error of calling his wife frumpy. So like the venomous black widow spider, in the class Arachnida, she decided to kill her spouse at the earliest opportunity. On espying a wall, which was not too tall, she set up her idol for his great fall. After a grand scene of seduction, came energy transduction, with complete conservation, despite the release of free-energy in the location. To secure his fate, she merely transferred her greater weight, which is so typical of females of any species, and poor old Humpty shattered irreversibly into myriads of pieces. His decrease in enthalpy, and increase in entropy, does appear to be a perfect model of iniquity: but then our Latrodectus mactans did have the name Infamy. DG = DH - TDS

________________________________________________________________________________________

10.30 p.m. Penultimate evening before half-term. In the Headmaster's bedroom, Mr. Pond and his (pregnant) lady wife are asleep; Newton is in his cot in the nursery ...

NEWTON POND.
Aimable personne de théâtre, ... je me posais que l'heure est venue de devenir moins soutenu. On est d'accord ? Oui ! Alors on se tutoie ? Oui. C'est bon !... À première vue, ma nursery peut-être semble typique, avec les jouets habituels pour un garçon ; pas de poupées, bien sûr, mais le gran chien en peluche, l'éléphant d'étoffe, le canard de caoutchouc, le cheval à bascule, etc. Cependant, regarde le mobile qui est suspendu au lit de ton héros, s'il te plâit ; c'est un cadeau de Brown, East, Mumford et Unman de la prèmiere classe. Ce mobile électronique est original, n'est-ce pas ? Au départ, j'ai présumé qu'il était m'apprendre l'alphabet : mais pas du tout ! Comme tu vois, elles sont quatres lettres majuscules, ... soit, A, C, G et T ; et, sur les quatres, trois seulement sont allumées à la fois; par exemple ACC, TAG, TTT, etc. ... M'est avis qu'il est une mauvaise plaisanterie ; quoi qu'il en soit, le mobile me donne mal à la tête !... À tantôt !...


11.15 p.m. In the Salieris' bedroom, Sig. Sal. is asleep but his lady wife is still awake; Sig. Sal. starts to talk in his sleep ...

Sig. SALIERI.
Ti amo ... ... (She waits expectantly.) Ti amo ..., ti amo A ... A ... ... (She looks miffed, then pinches his nose; silence reigns.) ...

VESPINA.
Qui,... ou quoi,... est A ?... Mmm ?... Je sais pas. (She sighs, then closes her eyes.) ...


7.00 p.m. Last evening before half-term. In his study, Dr. S. is listening to Dittersdorf's comic opera Doktor und Apotheker; Chalice and Pattullo arrive outside his door, then P. knocks ...

Dr. STUART.
Veni! (C. and P. enter.)

CHALICE.
Good evening, Sir. ... We wonder ... whether, um, ... ...

PATTULLO.
Yes, Sir. Chalice and I have been wondering ... ...

Dr. STUART.
May I be privileged to enter your wonderland in the not too distant future? (He smiles.)

CHALICE.
Oh, sorry, Sir. Over half-term, would you be so kind as to read through a play that Spats and I have written, please?

PATTULLO.
Yes, Sir. We do appreciate that you have problems with your health, but we would be most grateful.

Dr. STUART.
I would be honoured to read your play; though, to be honest, I doubt whether I will be able to do it much justice.

PATTULLO.
No matter, Sir; even first impressions should be useful. (He passes their manuscript, together with CDs of music by Henry Purcell and by the Strawbs, to Dr. S.; who reads the title of their Ms. ...)

Dr. STUART.
A Porphyric Apocalypse; I presume a play centring round the Greek philosopher Porphyry. How absolutely splendid! (He looks chuffed.)

CHALICE.
No, Sir! (Dr. S. looks crestfallen.) Um, ... Sorry, Sir; but I'm afraid our play alludes — at least, in part — to the disease porphyria.

Dr. STUART.
Oh dear; what a pity. ... Never mind. Porphyria? (He looks pensive.) Albeit somewhat vaguely, I recall that porphyria is the term used to describe a group of inherited disorders which result in the abnormal production of various porphyrin pigments? ... (He looks for affirmation from C. and P., who both nod.) But, otherwise, my knowledge could probably be written on a postage stamp. (He looks slightly shamefaced.)

PATTULLO.
We thought as much, Sir! (C. and P. smile at each other.) So, ... we have prepared a flow diagram for you. (C. hands Dr. S. the diagram shown below.)

Dr. STUART.
This is rather impressive; is it all your own work?

CHALICE.
No, Sir; we have adapted it from a worksheet by Mlle Backson of the Lycée Villiers. (Dr. S. looks puzzled.) ...

PATTULLO.
Er, ... Last half-term, when their Year 11 were over here on their exchange visit, Dr. Brummel allowed them to synthesize two porphyrins. (Dr. S. looks surprised.)

CHALICE.
Yes, Sir. ... Well, Mlle Backson set some extension work for them after half-term; and, ... er, part of this involved the biosynthesis of porphyrins and the genetics of porphyrias.

Dr. STUART.
Mmm? ... These young bucks and does are beginning to make me feel quite redundant. (He smiles whimsically.)

PATTULLO.
I'm afraid that may be closer to the truth than you realize, Sir; Mlle Backson is coming over here to teach Science this next academic year. (Dr. S. looks quite shocked.)

Dr. STUART.
Here; at Narkover!?

CHALICE.
Yes, Sir.

PATTULLO.
Scis quod dicunt: hodie adsit, cras absit! (He smiles.)

Dr. STUART.
Vero? ... Sed, obesa non cantavit! (He smiles; then waves away the pair of them in a good-natured manner.) ...


10.30 a.m. First morning of half-term. Dr. S. attached to a drip, [containing bleomycin, etopside, and cisplatin; i.e., three drugs which are commonly prescribed for testicular cancer], is in bed in a side-ward of Borchester Hospital, listening to Dittersdorf's symphony Verwandlung Actaeons in einen Hirsch; Dr. Krautmann enters ...

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Good morning, Alec! (He picks up the clipboard attached to the foot of the bed.)

Dr. STUART.
Morning, Gustav.

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
I see this is your third session of treatment?

Dr. STUART.
Yes; just the one more after this, ... hopefully.

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Comfortable?

Dr. STUART.
Yes; reasonably so. Er, ... Gustav, would you do me a great favour, and ensure that Matron Nightingale does not pay me a visit, please?

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Alec, shame on you! (He looks shocked.)

Dr. STUART.
I beg your pardon? (He looks surprised.)

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Well, ... Florence is spending the entire half-term with our goddaughter choosing... (Dr. S. interrupts.)

Dr. STUART.
With Flora; ... my daughter, Flora?

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Yes, of course! I presume you do know that your estranged wife has decided that Flora should transfer to Narkover for Year 12!?

Dr. STUART.
Diana had mooted the possibility: but I didn't know that it was a fait accompli. ... Once a bitch, always ... (His tone is one of extreme bitterness.)

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Be that as it may, because Diana had a medical conference in Boston and you would be hospitalized, Florence volunteered to take Flora shopping for clothes, books and whatnot. ... I gather they are staying at Narkover, largely so that Flora's guide-dog ... er, ...

Dr. STUART.
Carotene? (Dr. K. nods and smiles.)

Dr. KRAUTMANN.
Yes, so that Carotene can become partially familiar with the geography of that moldering pile. (Dr. S. smiles.) ... Mmm? Having brought you up to speed with your family, it is high time I attended the needs of more deserving patients! Ciao!

Dr. STUART.
Ciao, Gustav. (Dr. K. leaves.) ...


10.30 a.m. Third morning of half-term. Dr. S., still attached to a drip, in bed in a side-ward of Borchester Hospital, starts to read Chalice's & Pattullo's manuscript for a third time ...

........................................................................................

A PORPHYRIC APOCALYPSE
A Play by Chalice Poison and Ralph Pattullo,
of Narkover College, Nr. Borchester, England.

PROLOGUE

A weather-beaten old man [the narrator] is sitting in front of a table, on which are writing materials, and which is positioned on the verandah of a house that faces the Atlantic Ocean; he starts to reminisce. ...

NARRATOR.
Mmm, ... Whether this is true in other families, I could not say: but, in our Salter clan there has always been a special relationship between grandfather and grandson. Thus, when I was but knee-high to his lobster pots, I would sit beside my beloved grandpapa and listen to his tales of yesterday-year; and, similarly, my eldest son, John, would do likewise with his grandfather; and, one presumes it has been ever so since time immemorial, ... or at least since the mid-17th century, when Thomas and Rachel Salter settled in this inhospitable part of the New World to eke out a living from land and sea. ... In the event, their grant of land proved much too small to support their offspring: so Thomas and his family became adept at utilizing the fruits of the sea; and, in doing so, established the trade or profession of most Salters of each succeeding generation. ... Thus, before my retirement, I was a trawler fisherman; and, even John has kept a tenuous link with the sea — albeit as the manager of some haute cuisine seafood restaurant. [His expression is one of disdain; ... which then slowly turns to one of sadness.] John's son, my only grandson, Michael, was a marine biologist; with a love for the sea, which was a passion to behold. ... Some Greek philosopher, ... Menander, if I remember aright, ... wrote "Whom the gods love die young". Whilst this Classics' tag is, like so many of them, probably platitudinous nonsense, I will always believe it to be absolutely appropriate for Michael. [He shakes his head; then sighs.] However, what is not in doubt is that one story, ... apocryphal, perhaps, and certainly adapted and embellished by each grandfather Salter, ... which I told him when he was a mere stripling, proved to have fateful, though unforeseen, consequences. ... [Tears well up in his eyes.] ... ... We see before us only the rolling Atlantic waves, unencumbered and unrestrained by by one of the spits of land which are so ubiquitous on this eastern seaboard. ... But, such an untrammeled view was not always so; and I'm thinking here of Seuhtemipe Spit, which, in the closing years of the 17th century, was joined to the mainland hereabouts by a causeway. ... Whether the earliest settlers viewed Seuhtemipe Spit as their new Salem, I do not know: but, the Salters' oral tradition has it that its local geography was most unusual. Thus, on the windward side was scrubland; on the leeward side was fertile land, sprinkled with Neem trees, Azadirachta indica; and separating these two sides was a river, which started just half-mile south of the town and finished near the tip of the spit. ... No, town is not correct; although it had various dwellings, a prison, a meetinghouse, sundry other buildings, and a cemetary, its size would be more that of a village. [He looks pensive.] ... ... I've always thought that this story should probably have started either in 1683, when Mary Baize died in child-birth, or in 1693, when her sister-in-law, Sarah Baize, died from jaundice: but, my grandfather's version started on the 14th January 1697. ... In early fall, later that same year, the complexion of each Baize girl had deteriorated from its rosebud qualities of late spring, presumably as a result of their skin's extensive exposure to the relentless sun that summer. ... ... No! This will not do; my grandson deserves a more permanent epitaph. ... [He picks up a pen, and starts to write slowly.] ...

In Memoriam, Michael Salter

THE CHARACTERS: Philip Baize [widower; 38] and his daughters, Amelia & Teresa [both 14]; Simon Baize [widower; 37], Philip's younger brother, and his daughters, Grace & Cecilia [both 14]; Asher Baize [single; 36], Philip's youngest brother; Goody Bale [widow; 47], the housekeeper of Philip and Simon Baize; Peter Hogget [42], his wife, Hannah [38], their son, David [15], and their niece, Ellen [13]; Dr. Amon Gerard [48]; Rev. Tobias Allam [36]; Judges Clooth, Hescails, and Staroop [43, 55, & 45]; Mr. Mace [47], a beadle; Mr. Stocks [28], a marshal; and Four Horsemen: Mr. Mandamus, Brother Gregor, Mr. Wallace, and Dr. Arodnap.

[Music: Purcell's Sonata Z.790 or Strawbs' The Shepherd's Song.]

SCENE 1. Late one afternoon. An unkempt field. The four Baize girls are sitting making corn-dollies; each of the girls' faces and exposed arms and legs are blotchy in appearance; their habiliments are quite disheveled as a result of gathering berries, which have been collected in small, though incompletely filled, baskets. In their right field of view are acres of scrubland, a small flock of sheep, the shepherd Peter Hogget and his son David; in their center is a river; and, to their left are acres of grassland interspersed with copses. David, who has been sidling in the direction of the girls, stops rather awkwardly about twenty meters short of this group when he realizes that Cecilia has observed him.

CECILIA.
Mmm? ... Teri, do you think Davey is a man, yet? [The other three girls look up; they see D. making a poor pretense of not watching them.]

TERESA.
I do not know, Ceci; I have never given it thought before.

GRACE.
Amie has! [A., who makes no attempt to hide her blushes, starts rummaging around in the pocket of her shift.] Amie, what are you doing?

AMELIA.
I will make a Fortune-Teller ... [Then whispers.] for Davey.

GRACE.
What's that?

AMELIA.
'Tis only a message in a poppet. [G. looks puzzled.] Here, Gracie, let me show you. [Using a scrap of paper, stems of corn, and juices of the berries, she scratches some words; then she makes an indentation in a dolly, inserts the scrap of paper; and finally, rebinds this dolly with fresh corn stalks. The other three look on, spellbound.]

CECILIA.
What words did you write?

AMELIA.
'Tis a secret for the poppet ... [Then whispers.] and Davey.

TERESA.
Then it will be a secret for the poppet, only! [Her tone is slightly waspish.] David, he can read but poorly.

AMELIA.
So, it will not matter: if he is a boy, still. [She smiles, in a knowing manner.] ... I will find a place that is away from his peeping eyes. [She stands up; then dances in the direction of a copse of trees.] ...

GRACE.
Ceci? Such poppets do look fair amusement?

CECILIA.
Yes: though Davey is not! [She smiles to herself.]

TERESA.
But David may think we sport with gray forces?

CECILIA.
No! Davey is truly a spiritual son of 'Goodman Dull'. [C. and G., but not T., start laughing at D., who looks bemused and increasingly embarrassed.] ...

TERESA.
Maybe so, but I will color only my poppets with the berries; and we should face the other way.

GRACE.
Teri, your forename should have been Prudence! [All three girls laugh gently as they turn about face; D.'s expression changes to one of both anger and frustration. For the next ten minutes or so, each girl pays attention to modifying their respective corn-dollies; then Amelia returns.]

AMELIA.
Time is drawing on; Goody Bale will have the vapors if we're not back soon. [The other three get to their feet, gather their baskets and corn-dollies; then all four start skipping their way towards the town. In the haste of her departure, Grace inadvertently drops one of her dollies; D. waits until they are out sight, collects this dolly, and tucks it inside his shirt.] ... ...

[Music: Purcell's Sonata Z.791 or Strawbs' Heavy Disguise.]

SCENE 2. Early evening, that same day. The common room in the house of Philip and Simon Baize: it is spacious, clean, and well furnished; there are inner doors to three other rooms on the ground floor; and a staircase which leads to an upper floor. Goody Bale is busy preparing the table for supper; as the girls enter, breathlessly, her expression changes to one of displeasure.

GOODY BALE.
What be keepin' thee so late!? It be almost twilight.

AMELIA.
Pray, do not scold us, Goody Bale; we've been collecting the berries and flowers, as you did wish. [Goody B. inspects each of their baskets.]

GOODY BALE.
Hmm! There be barely enough here for a cabin boy; much less for the two masters!

GRACE.
Oh! Are Father and Uncle Philip then returning tonight?

GOODY BALE.
Aye, that they should be; if their business on the mainland be successful.

CECILIA.
Er, ... Did not Uncle Asher say their business is sheep?

GOODY BALE.
I would not know; I be not fillin' my top with such affairs: and neither should you! [She looks at their baskets again.] Mmm, ... I fear the masters will be not best pleased with their supper. ...

TERESA.
Er, ... Goody Bale, we have apples in the store; perhaps we should fetch some to add to the berries?

GOODY BALE.
Aye, Teresa, that be fair sense; our pies must be found not wantin'. [She looks about her.] Hmm! I see no flowers: corn-poppets, only! [Each girl looks shamefaced.]

AMELIA.
Oh? [She looks about her.] We must have left them on the way home. [C. and T. look askance at A.]

GRACE.
Oh dear! ... I must have left mine. [She receives discreet looks of anxiety from the other three girls.]

CECILIA.
In the meadow? [G. nods anxiously.] ...

TERESA.
Er, ... Goody Bale, should we return and collect them? [Her tone is noticeably eager.]

GOODY BALE.
Nay; time forbids it. Them flowers must be amissin', with our chores aplenty, still, ... [She looks at each girl.] and your appearance in such disarray. ... Mmm? ... Amelia, the candles; Teresa, apples; Grace, water; and, er, ... Cecilia, you be pressin' clean shifts. [Each girl, having nodded in turn, then goes about their respective chores.] ... ...

[Music: Purcell's Sonata Z.792 or Strawbs' The Flower and the Young Man.]

SCENE 3. Later, that same evening. The common room in the house of the Hoggets: it is small, spotlessly clean, and sparsely furnished with cupboards, a stove, a table, a few stools and chairs, and David's bed in one corner; there are inner doors to the only other two rooms of the house. Seated around the table, in fading light, the Hoggets have just finished their typically modest supper of soup, bread, and milk.

PETER H.
Lord, ... for what we have just received, may Thou maketh us truly thankful, ... [All three in unison] Amen. ...

DAVID H.
Them Baize... [His father holds up his hand; and frowns at D.] ... Er, ... Pray, I be speakin', sir? [His father nods.] Them Baize girls been actin' most strange this aft'noon.

PETER H.
Aye!? That your top be not on the sheep, be plain as rain! [His tone is mildly reproving.]

DAVID H.
Aye, Father. [His tone is apologetic.] ... They been movin' strange; and Amelia, she been dancin'! [His father looks unimpressed.] And, ... er, ... they been placin' scraps of paper in their corn-poppets. [He looks uncertain.] Pray, I be showin' you? [His father nods. D. rises from the table; fetches, from underneath his bed, the dolly that Grace had dropped; then passes same to his father, who, after a brief inspection, unbinds the corn-stalks round the dolly's waist, removes a scrap of paper: on one of its sides is a scratchy, imperfectly-formed straight line.]

PETER H.
This be nothin'! [He passes the dolly and the scrap of paper to his wife.]

DAVID H.
But, Father, Amie Baize be namin' one a Fortune-Teller. ...

PETER H.
Good woman, what you be thinkin'?

HANNAH H.
The Devil, he be makin' work for idle hands; and empty tops! [Her tone is scornful.] The boy should be more attentive to the Scriptures; and after his chores, he must be continuin' his instruction from thee! ... ...

[Music: Purcell's Sonata Z.793 or Strawbs' Thirty Days.]

SCENE 4. About a month later, the evening of 31st October 1697. The common room of the Hoggets. Seated around the table, in light provided by the fire and two candles, the Hoggets have just finished their supper.

PETER H.
Lord, ... for what we have just received, may Thou maketh us truly thankful, ... [All three in unison] Amen. ...

DAVID H.
Sir, pray, I be speakin'? [His father nods.] In the town, this mornin', I been hearin' Amie and Ceci Baize whisper to each other. [He looks expectantly at his father.]

PETER H.
Hmm! Idle gossip ... to an idle boy! No wonder your good mother been chastisin' me about the neglect of your chores. [He twinkles a smile at his wife.]

DAVID H.
Beggin' thy pardon, Father: but this be no idle chatter.

PETER H.
Improper thoughts, eh? [He smiles; his tone is tolerant.]

DAVID H.
It be possible. ... The Baize girls be visitin' Birnam Wood this night, with... [His father interrupts.]

PETER H.
This night? It be All Saints' Eve! [His tone is shocked.]

DAVID H.
Aye, Father. [His tone becomes uncertain.] Er, ... With their ... Fortune-Tellers.

PETER H.
Hmm! Not them harmless corn-poppets, again! [His tone is exasperated.]

DAVID H.
Nay, Father; not harmless. ... I be tellin' the truth; on The Good Book, that I be.

PETER H.
May The Lord be guidin' your voice! ... We'll be attendin' that matter later: here and now, I be seein' the buckets be all but empty. [His son rises from the table, picks up two water buckets, then exits via the main door. Then he turns to his wife.] Good woman, you be hearin' such rumors in the town?

HANNAH H.
Certainly not! ... You be thinkin' I be idle, too, with time for such tittle?

PETER H.
Nay! Nay; I be knowin' you be a truly dutiful woman. [His tone is conciliatory.] ... Goodwife, would you be preparin' us lanterns for later, pray?

HANNAH H.
Aye. ... For thy fool's errand?

PETER H.
Hmm! David will be the fool, if he be lyin'; I'll be havin' him at the whippin'-post. ... ...

[Music: Purcell's Sonata Z.794 or Strawbs' Witchwood.]

SCENE 5. Later, that same evening. A clearing in Birnam Wood: strewn about a camp-fire are several corn-dollies and an old kettle. Cecilia is lying on the ground, motionless; Teresa is also lying on the ground, moaning softly; Grace is sat on her haunches, holding her abdomen and groaning; Amelia is wandering round aimlessly. Peter and David Hogget come thru the trees; they pause some ten meters from the clearing.

DAVID H.
Father, as I been tellin'. [He whispers.]

PETER H.
Aye, boy, in part; but there be somethin' amiss. [He and D. run to the center of the clearing; none of the girls appear to show any signs of recognition. He checks Cecilia; then addresses D.] You be listenin', clear! [D. looks nervous.] Go to the house, and ask your good mother bring blankets and a basket. ... Then run to the town, raise the watchman, and ask him bring four good men, strong and true. ... David, you be understandin'? [D. nods.] Pray, boy, run as the wind! [As D. runs back thru the trees, he lifts Teresa by the side of Cecilia, and then partially covers both of them with his jacket. ... ... Several minutes later, Hannah comes thru the trees, with her lantern and a basket containing blankets.]

HANNAH H.
Here, I have done as thee bid: but the boy, he be not sayin' the reason. [She starts covering each girl with a blanket; though because Amelia throws off her one, she wraps herself and A. under same.]

PETER H.
I be without reasonin', too; this be as we found 'em. [In a rather distracted manner, he starts to gather the kettle and corn-dollies in the basket.] ... ...

[Music: Purcell's Sonata Z.795 or Strawbs' Queen of Dreams.]

SCENE 6. About one hour later, that same evening. A ground room of the Baizes: it is furnished with a dressing table, a screen, two chairs, and four beds; each bed is covered with an embroidered quilt. Goody Bale and Hannah Hogget are comforting each Baize girl, each of whom is lying on top of their respective bed, by mopping their foreheads. On the entry of Dr. Gerard and Rev. Allam, these woman stop their ministrations, bob their heads to the two men, then sit down. Dr. G. examines each girl in turn; Cecilia and Teresa each have expressions contorted with pain, but there is only the occasional movement of their limbs; although Amelia and Grace each have similar expressions, each is in the fetal position holding their abdomens. Dr. G. and Rev. A. come to rest beside Amelia, who appears to be the most compos mentis.

AMELIA.
Oh, Doctor. It hurts so!

Dr. GERARD.
Yes, child; but where? [His tone is gentle.]

AMELIA.
Here. [She moves her hands over her abdomen.] And, ... my fingers, ... and my toes, they do tingle so. [Dr. G. looks pensive.] ...

HANNAH H.
Good sir, I must be sayin' there be a kettle in the grass, where we did find 'em.

AMELIA.
Er, ... That were only berries and molasses.

Rev. ALLAM.
Goody Hogget, did you see living things in this kettle?

HANNAH H.
I would not know; though there be a white froth, like cuckoo spit, with the molasses.

AMELIA.
That were only yeast.

Rev. ALLAM.
Yeast, child! Were you calling the Devil this night, with a potion of rum?

AMELIA.
We ... we were making sweet confections, only. [The effort of making this statement results in her collapsing; she lies still, though clearly in pain.]

Rev. ALLAM.
You cannot evade me, child. Did any of you drink from this kettle? [No response. He shakes her; gently at first, then more vigorously until ...]

Dr. GERARD.
Tobias! Pray, leave the child be; I fear she will not make sense this night.

Rev. ALLAM.
But, she may have practiced unnatural deeds in Birnam Wood?

Dr. GERARD.
Good reverend, your concern for the wellbeing of our souls surely has no equal. [He accompanies his conciliatory tone with a gracious bow.] Indeed, that is as it should be. [He smiles respectfully.] But, pray, do you not agree that the wellbeing of these children's bodies should be the concern of a physician; like myself? ...

Rev. ALLAM.
Good doctor, ... Amon, ... I beg your pardon; my manners did forsake me. But we must be vigilant, always, if there are witches abroad on this night; or any. [Dr. G. nods gravely.]

Dr. GERARD.
Tobias, may I suggest you repair to the common room, and ask Mr. Philip for spiced hot ale to rush this cold away? I will follow afore long, once I have spoken to our goodwomen about the comfort of these children thru the night. [Rev. A. bows before exiting.] ... Pray, Goody Hogget, will you prepare a fire? If the drink will not be the death of them, then this cold surely will be! [He smiles encouragingly; she nods.] And you, Goody Bale, will you keep some warm milk prepared? They may not be at peace thru the night. [She nods.] Good! I'll return in the morning. [He exits. ... The two women go about their designated chores. ... ... Thru the night, they minister to the girls. ... ... Next morning, Dr. G. returns.]

Dr. GERARD.
Good morning to you both! [His tone is cheerful.]

GOODY BALE.
Good sir, the poor souls been sufferin' so, thru this past night; and, sir, pray, look! [She removes two brown-stained sheets from a basket.] This one be Cecilia's; and this be Grace's. [Dr. G. examines them; his frown deepening.] ...

Dr. GERARD.
I never did see such afore! ... But, pray, Goody Bale, what of Amelia and Teresa? [She collects each girl's covered chamber-pot from beneath their respective beds. He examines the same.] Perhaps this red-brown color is from gorging the berries? [His tone is none too convincing.]

GOODY BALE.
I would not know, doctor; I be knowin' only they been ailin' since you did leave last night.

Dr. GERARD.
Mmm? [He consults his pocket book, in a deliberate manner.] Yes, ... their symptoms are a confusion of the dyspepsy, of the malaria ague, and their libations. [His more confident tone finds favor with Goody B. and Hannah H., who both look suitably impressed. ... He consults his pocket book again, before writing down a prescription. ...] Goodwomen, both, would you follow this remedy, pray? [He passes to Goody B. his prescription; she immediately looks shamefaced.]

GOODY BALE.
Er, ... Beggin' thy pardon, sir, Hannah and me been readin' only The Good Book since we been baptized; so we been.

Dr. GERARD.
Such piety is surely dutiful and righteous, both. [His warm tone of approval prompts both women to bob their heads.] ... Pray, allow me to read thru, afore you go to the apothecary. "Each day ... Fresh bed-linen and night-shifts; well aired with lavender. Six fresh leeches; one on each arm, and two on each leg. An infusion of raw sugar, chamomile, evening primrose, and ground bark of quinine; one small cup every 2 hours." ... Understand you well, fresh leeches; Mr. Wort is a kindly fellow, but some do say he is a knave with his hands. [He smiles graciously at each women; then exits.] ... ...

[Music: Purcell's Sonata Z.796 or Strawbs' Keep the Devil Outside.]

SCENE 7. Late one evening, about a month later. The common room of the Hoggets. David is in bed, ostensibly fast asleep. Hannah, seated in one of the chairs by the dying embers of a fire, is sewing in a rather distracted manner; Peter, seated in the other chair, with an open book on his lap, is discreetly observing his wife whilst he is smoking his pipe.

PETER H.
Goodwife Hannah, you be worryin' yourself there? [His tone is gentle and concerned.]

HANNAH H.
It be nothin'. ... I be tired; that be all.

PETER H.
We been sharin' a bed for near twenty year; and I be knowin' when my sweetheart be troublin'. [She looks up at him.] ... Aye; my sweetheart, still! [He gives her a fond look.] ...

HANNAH H.
I fear not say. [Her voice trembles slightly.]

PETER H.
But I did hear the Baize girls been improvin', ... with the nursin' of you and Goody Bale?

HANNAH H.
Aye; in part. They be in less pain now, and they be passin' less blood in their piss. ...

PETER H.
Blood!?

HANNAH H.
Hush, Peter, thou'll be wakin' the boy. [She whispers.] ... The doctor, he been sayin' the color be that of the berries, but I been doubtin'. ...

PETER H.
Should not we be thankful to The Lord for them improvin'?

HANNAH H.
Aye; that be true. ... But they been dreamin' strange, as if there be a ... a presence ... in the Baize house.

PETER H.
Dreams be naught, surely?

HANNAH H.
Aye; that be true, also. But, Grace and Cecilia both been dreamin' of coiled serpents. And, this mornin' I be findin' 'em makin' this quilt; the pattern be of six sides, regular, with a coiled serpent, and he be trapped in the six sides. [P. looks pensive.] ...

PETER H.
Them strange dreams; when they be startin'?

HANNAH H.
About a month back along; ... that night... [She stops as P. rises from his chair, goes to a cupboard, takes out the basket of corn-dollies and kettle which he had collected on All Hallows' Eve, then seats himself down again. He takes out the first dolly to hand, which is colored red-brown to give it the appearance of wearing a dress.]

PETER H.
Mmm. ... It be innocent, surely? [He passes this first dolly to his wife. ... Then he picks up a second dolly, examines it closely; unbinds the corn-stalks round its waist; removes a scrap of paper: and reads it.] ... Heaven save us!

HANNAH H.
Why that be?

PETER H.
Nay! Nay! [His tone is sharp; then it is gentle but firm.] Good woman, it be not delicate; words that be not said even 'twixt man and wife.

HANNAH H.
Aye; that may be. But, we been open since we been wed? [P. nods; then, rather doubtfully ...]

PETER H.
Beggin' your fair senses, ... it be sayin': "D. I want you inside me." [He looks embarrassed; his wife looks shocked.] The 'D' be David? ... Unless!? ... [She rises spontaneously; and places one hand over his mouth.]

HANNAH H.
Nay, Peter. Pray, be not sayin' that ... that ... [Visibly trembling, she seats herself down again. ... Then he picks up a third dolly; unbinds the corn-stalks round its waist; removes a scrap of paper: and, as he reads it, he starts to tremble.]

PETER H.
Lord, our Savior, this be beyond the pale; truly it be. ...

HANNAH H.
Peter, pray, be open with me again. ...

PETER H.
I fear not say, lest the words be tellin' the future. ... It be sayin': "Black twins will be born, on one spring morn."

HANNAH H.
You be thinkin' of Grandfather David's proverb?

PETER H.
Aye; that I be. ... [She rises; places her arms around his shoulders; then kisses him gently on the forehead.]

HANNAH H.
But, ... my true heart, ... he did say also: "Curses be like upright arrows; they be fallin' on the archer's top."

PETER H.
Aye; that he did. ... But I been hearin' in the tavern that Philip and Simon Baize be ownin' sheep before long; and they be woollen merchants, already!

HANNAH H.
So, reason aplenty we be keepin' this basket outside! [She removes her arms from around his shoulders; kisses him again on the forehead; returns the dollies to the basket; then, with purposeful strides, she carries the basket out thru the main door.] ... ...

[Music: Purcell's Sonata Z.797 or Strawbs' A Glimpse of Heaven.]

SCENE 8. One morning, late the next spring. A secluded stretch of the river. The Baize girls are swimming naked; their under and outer garments are strewn over one bank. David Hogget, out looking for stray sheep, and having heard the sounds of their voices and laughter, is now observing them from behind a tree. In an attempt to obtain a clearer view, his movements audibly result in a few small branches breaking.

AMELIA.
Davey, show your face!

DAVID H.
I ... I ... [His tone and color is one of embarrassment; all the girls start laughing.]

GRACE.
Come; join us! [Echoes of assent from the other girls.]

DAVID H.
Nay; it ... it be not proper.

CECILIA.
'Tis more proper than peeping!

DAVID H.
I be not peepin'! I ... I been lookin' for stray sheep.

CECILIA.
Shame on you, Davey, for that excuse. ... Join us: the water is pure; so it is.

GRACE.
Yes, Davey; even The Good Book has it so, ... with baptism.

DAVID H.
But, each of you be marked; if not signs of the Devil, they be the pox?

TERESA.
No, David; neither. I am truthful; so I am. ...

CECILIA.
We will hide our eyes. [Echoes of assent. David's look of doubt slowly disappears with their repeated encouragement.]

DAVID H.
Aye; ... so be it. [Each girl places her hands over her face. He removes his breeches and shirt; covers his private parts; then, in backward motion, he enters the water rather hesitantly. His entry is greeted with good-natured squeals of laughter; followed by all five adolescents paddling and splashing around happily.] ... ...

GRACE.
Amie, ... Davey is a man; almost fully grown!

AMELIA.
Yes; as one of my poppets did foretell. [D. looks askance at A.]

CECILIA.
Davey, do you know what your growth is for?

DAVID H.
Aye! For when I be wed. [His confident tone elicits looks of surprise from each girl.] ...

TERESA.
But, David, you read poorly?

DAVID H.
Aye; that be so. [From one of light embarrassment, his tone returns to one of confidence.] But I been helpin' my father put the rams to the ewes, back a long time now. [Each girl looks most impressed.]

GRACE.
Do you... [T. interjects.]

TERESA.
Ssh! [All five tread water. Then she whispers.] David, is that not your good mother calling? [D. cups one hand to his ear. Thru the trees, in successively louder tones, can be heard: "David!" "David!" ...]

DAVID H.
Aye! [He makes a bee-line to the bank, with no thought for modesty; scrambles into his breeches and shirt; then runs to prevent, successfully and just in time, his mother observing the Arcadian scene.] ... Ah! There you be, Mother.

HANNAH H.
Lad, I been searchin' hither and thither for thee! Father, he be needin' help with the ewe.

DAVID H.
Ah! She be in labor, then?

HANNAH H.
Aye; that she be. [As she and D. are walking briskly, she keeps glancing at D.'s head; finally ...] Lad, your top be wet! ...

DAVID H.
Oh? ... Aye, in the river, I thought I be seein' ... Nay, no matter, Mother. ... ...

[Music: Purcell's Sonata Z.798 or Strawbs' I'll Carry on Beside You.]

SCENE 9. Slightly later, that same morning. A (partially protected) part of a field next to the Hoggets. As his wife and son arrive, Peter Hogget is ministering to a (still) pregnant ewe and her black lamb.

DAVID H.
Father, she be layin' a fair size lamb, then?

PETER H.
Aye, lad; but the lamb be worth meat, only. [His voice has an air of resignation.]

DAVID H.
Er, ... Father, why that be so?

PETER H.
Her black wool be worthless for dyein'; the merchants, they... [He stops as he sees the ewe starting to give her second birth; ... then cries out angrily.] It be another one! ...

DAVID H.
Like the poppet did foretell! [Both his mother and father look stunned at his revelation.] ... ...

HANNAH H.
Lad, you been ear-wiggin'!? [D. colors slightly.]

DAVID H.
Nay, Mother, nay. [He adopts a look of studied innocence.]

HANNAH H.
You been pokin' round, then?

DAVID H.
Nay, Mother. ... I be tellin' the truth; on The Good Book, that I be. [Both his mother and father look puzzled.] ...

PETER H.
Mmm? Let it be. Lad, your grandfather, he be David also, buried long since in England, ... God rest his soul, ... he did say: "If a black lamb be born into thy flock, then only poor fortune will dog thy smock: but if black twins be born to a ewe, then certain disaster will befall you." [He looks dejected; and, correspondingly, D. looks apprehensive.]

HANNAH H.
Pray, Goodman Hogget, hush! You be worryin' the poor lad.

PETER H.
Aye; beggin' thy pardon, lad. [He smiles warmly; D. flushes with pleasure, and adopts a brave face.] Thru the summer, and beyond, we must be vigilant with 'em sheep. ... Lad, you be sure tar each that be with open sores; we be not spoilin' the sheep for a ha'porth of tar. [D. nods.] ... Good woman, you be ... ...

[Music: Purcell's Sonata Z.799 or Strawbs' Benedictus.]

SCENE 10. Mid-afternoon, on All Saints' Day (i.e., 1st November 1698). A ground room of the Baizes. Each Baize girl, with an expression contorted with pain, and lying in an awkward position, is in her bed; the embroidered quilts on Grace's and Cecilia's beds each have a symmetrical design of separated hexagons, each of which contains a circle (i.e., similar to delocalized benzene rings, albeit coincidentally). Goody Bale, looking tired and flustered, is comforting each girl. Dr. Gerard and Rev. Allam are guided into the room by Asher Baize, who then withdraws.

GOODY BALE.
Sirs, ... sirs! I been at my wits' end; the poor children, they been ailin' so, thru this past night and mornin'.

Dr. GERARD.
Pray, hush, good woman. [His tone is gentle and concerned.] Have you not been helped in their comforting by other good women, such as Goody Mace or Goody Hogget or...? [Goody B. interrupts.]

GOODY BALE.
Nay, sir; Cousin Hannah, she be holdin' there be a presence in this house. [Rev. A. narrows his eyes.]

Rev. ALLAM.
A presence?

GOODY BALE.
Aye, reverend sir; she been not steppin' in this house near a year since. [Rev. A. looks disturbingly pensive.] ...

Rev. ALLAM.
That would be when the girls had the distempers before?

GOODY BALE.
Aye, sir. ... And, sirs, pray, look! [She points to several brown-stained sheets in a basket; then she shows them each girl's chamber pot, whose contents are red-brown.] ...

Dr. GERARD.
Good woman, have they been gorging the berries again? [His tone is one of hope against hope.]

GOODY BALE.
Nay, sir; my masters, they been forbiddin' it this past year since.

Rev. ALLAM.
Hmm! Therefore, good doctor, their waters contain blood; do they not?

Dr. GERARD.
Mmm? Perhaps, good reverend; but I would not commit myself so. [Rev. A.'s expression, which has become increasingly disturbed as his eyes have been scanning the room, changes to ill-concealed anger as he espies and then picks up a near-empty flagon.]

Rev. ALLAM.
But, Goody Bale, I see the children have not been forbidding themselves the demon drink; I smell the odor of cider here.

GOODY BALE.
Aye, sir. I been warnin' 'em; so I been. [At this moment, as Teresa adjusts her position, a corn-dolly rolls from her bed onto the floor. As Rev. A. stoops to pick this one up, he espies several dollies under the beds; and, as he gathers them, he notices that a scrap of paper is peeping thru the binding around one dolly's waist. He removes and then reads same, uttering a cry of anguish as he does so.]

Dr. GERARD.
Pray, Tobias, what has distressed you so?

Rev. ALLAM.
The Good Lord have mercy upon us. These children have been tampering with the Devil's tools. [He falls to his knees, and starts praying; then ...] Pray, excuse me, I must see the magistrate forthwith. [He bows; then leaves.] ...

GOODY BALE.
Good doctor, sir, ... the reverend, he be not accusin' 'em of witchcraft? [Both her voice and body trembles with fear. Dr. G. gently places a hand on her shoulder.]

Dr. GERARD.
Pray, hush, good woman; we must take heart. [His comforting tone then becomes, almost imperceptibly, strained.] Er, ... The good reverend, he has only the natural concern for their souls. [He gives her a less than convincing smile.] Should we not pray for these, too? [She nods; and then they pray. Shortly thereafter ...]

GOODY BALE.
Er, ... Beggin' thy pardon, sir, should we be not givin' 'em the remedy you be givin' back along?

Dr. GERARD.
Mmm. They are not suffering thru the dyspesy or the malaria ague; so I fear, good woman, that the remedy may not relieve their symptoms. [He looks both doubtful and anxious. At this moment, the background noise of the girls' groaning in pain is pierced by sharp cries from both Grace and Cecilia.]

GOODY BALE.
Oh! Them poor mites. [She looks distraught.] Doctor, sir, that be their skin tinglin' so; they been complainin' thru this past night. [She gives Dr. G. an imploring look.]

Dr. GERARD.
Hush, good woman. We will give them cold compresses; pray, would you make an infusion of chamomile, evening primrose, and lavender? [Goody B. bobs her head, and then exits. On her return, they prepare, and then gently apply, compresses; their ministrations have no observable effect on relieving the girls' pain. They continue ministering until they hear voices in the common room next door. ...]

BEADLE.
Good evening to you, Mr. Baize. [His tone is courteous.]

ASHER B.
Good evening, Mr. Mace. Pray, how may I help you?

BEADLE.
I come on business of the magistrate. ... Are your brothers here? [His tone is officious.]

ASHER B.
No; they are in Boston, until the day after the morrow.

BEADLE.
I am given four warrants this day, sir. ... The magistrate, he has charged your four nieces. [Asher B. looks stunned.]

ASHER B.
And, sir, what is the charge!? [His tone is sharp.]

BEADLE.
Sir, the charge is the crime of malfeasancy, ... consorting with the Devil. ...

ASHER B.
Who ... who has accused them? [His voice trembles.]

Rev. ALLAM.
Asher, my good friend, it is I, ... with a heavy heart, but with the guidance of The Good Lord, ... who has accused.

ASHER B.
But, Tobias, ... surely ... [He stutters to a halt when Rev. A. holds up his hand in a stern manner.]

Rev. ALLAM.
Asher, surely I do not have to remind you that, in excising witchcraft from the parish of The Lord, you are either God's ally or the Devil's. [Asher B. has a look of defeat.] ...

BEADLE.
Marshal Stocks!?

MARSHALL.
Aye, sir?

BEADLE.
If you will. [He points the marshal, and his men carrying chains, in the direction of the girls' room.] ... ...

[Music: Purcell's Sonata Z.800 or Strawbs' Sheep.]

SCENE 11. Mid-morning, one week later. The meetinghouse, as set up for a trial: there is one main outer door; one inner door, which leads to a vestry; and a small outer door (about 1 m high) on the north-facing wall, which is closed throughout the trial. Opposite the main door, at the far end of the building, is a dais; seated behind which are Judge Clooth, Judge Hescails, and Judge Staroop, who are flanked by Beadle Mace and Marshal Stocks. Four hard-backed chairs are positioned about five meters away from the three judges; two face Judge C., the other two face Judge S., and this leaves a gap between them which is opposite Judge H. and which will be occupied temporarily by each witness. The jury and townspeople are in the body of the building, either side of a central aisle; their hubbub is silenced by the beadle banging his mace on the floor twice.

BEADLE.
This Court is now open in session! ...

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Four children of this parish are accused of malfeasancy; a crime against the law of England and of Massachusetts. ... His Excellency the Governor has advised us that there must be "a vigorous prosecution of proven witches"; but, without doubt, mindful of the events in Essex County, some six years past, he has advised us, further, that this Court must use evidence with "a very critical and exquisite caution". ... All the afflicted have been examined by several physicians and midwives; none of these good persons have been able to provide a fair explanation of these children's afflictions. Dr. Gerard, himself, who has been regarded as an honorable and credible witness in examinations of several suspected malfeasants, in years past, has recorded, in his testimony to the magistrate, that "I have never seen such a condition afore; though it becomes excessive with drink". ... Many of those present here this day, have shown true compassion and understanding by speaking for each child; but none of their depositions is evidence for, or against, those accused. ... Two of these, [He looks briefly at his notes.] Amelia and Teresa Baize, have steadfastedly protested their innocence. The other two, Cecilia and Grace Baize, have been given to making strange speeches which no one can make sense of. [He nods to the marshal, who walks purposefully into the vestry. Then, led by him, each girl — with her wrists chained together, visibly in considerable pain, and wearing a shift soiled with prison grime — shuffles into the courtroom, and sits down rather awkwardly on one of the chairs. Their appearance elicits, from the townspeople, expressions which are an admixture of shock, dismay, and ill-concealed anger. Judge H. then nods to the beadle.] ...

BEADLE.
Amelia Baize; how plead you?

AMELIA.
Not guilty, sir.

BEADLE.
Cecilia Baize; how plead you?

CECILIA.
Not ... not ... guilty, sir.

BEADLE.
Grace Baize; how plead you?

GRACE.
Not ... guilty, ... not guilty, sir.

BEADLE.
Teresa Baize; how plead you? [No response.] How plead you!? [Still no response. ... He looks askance at Judge H.] ...

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Child, how do you plead? [No response.] Child, do you not recognize the authority of this Court!? [Still no response. He and the other judges look nonplussed.] Hmm! ... Will the father of this stubborn child present himself, and announce his name. [Philip B. does so.]

PHILIP B.
Sir, I am Philip Baize; Teresa's father, and Amelia's also.

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Pray, sir, impress upon your child that this Court has the authority of the province, the Governor, and His Majesty the King, himself. ... [There follows a brief, though animated, discussion between Philip B. and daughter Teresa.] ...

PHILIP B.
Sir, begging your pardon, but this child says she recognizes only the authority of The Good Lord, Himself.

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Mmm? [He looks pensive.] So be it. Pray, child, will you repeat The Lord's Prayer? ...

TERESA.
Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kinsmen come. ... [A chorus of muted gasps emanate from the townspeople; looks of astonishment from the judges.] ...

JUDGE CLOOTH.
Child, no! ... Thy kingdom come. ...

TERESA.
Yes, sir; 'tis so for The Lord's Prayer: but I was saying my prayer to The Lord.

JUDGE CLOOTH.
But, child, it is without reason!

TERESA.
I beg to differ, sir. ... The Scriptures have it that Jesus and His twelve disciples were the kinsmen of The Lord. [All three judges look perplexed; then start whispering amongst themselves; then ...]

JUDGE STAROOP.
Child, the Devil can cite Scripture for his own purpose! ...

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Will the godfather of this errant child present himself, and announce his name. [Asher B. does so.]

ASHER B.
Sir, I am Asher Baize; godfather and tutor to Teresa, and to the other three also.

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Therefore, sir, you have a covenant with The Good Lord and, also, with their fathers?

ASHER B.
Yes, sir. I am to inure their youth with knowing, serious, and sober religion; and, also, with obedience and modesty.

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Do they read The Good Book? [Asher B. looks surprised.]

ASHER B.
Yes, sir; that they do: at least thrice daily, and more on the Sabbath. Further, Amelia and Teresa read together the Book of Martyrs, [Nods of warm approval from each judge] whereas Cecilia and Grace read together Raleigh's History. [Nods of (noticeably less warm) approval from each judge ... Then Judge H. addresses T. again.] ...

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Child, do you know The Commandments?

TERESA.
Yes, sir; without book.

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Do you observe them?

TERESA.
Yes, sir; always.

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Let you repeat them, if you will.

TERESA.
Thou shalt not bear false witness. ... Thou shalt remember the Sabbath Day and keep it holy. ... Thou shalt honor thy father and ... mother. [She stutters over this latter word; and her constant expression of pain is tinged with sadness.] Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods. ... Thou shalt have no other gods before me. ... Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image. ... [Judge S. interjects; he removes, from a basket positioned to his right on the dais, T.'s red-brown colored corn-dolly, and then brandishes same.]

JUDGE STAROOP.
Then, what is this!?

TERESA.
'Tis a colored corn-poppet, only. [She shrugs]

JUDGE STAROOP.
Is it not a graven image of the Devil, himself, colored with blood?

TERESA.
Bah! ... 'Tis only a corn-poppet colored with the juices of berries. [Her dismissive tone prompts an angry flash from Judge S.]

JUDGE STAROOP.
Child, you will do well to remember the authority of this Court! Otherwise, you will be at the whipping-post before the day is thru! [His tone is menacingly cold. He whispers to Judge H., who then proceeds in a conciliatory tone.] ...

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Child, did you not say that you observed The Commandments, always? [No response.] Mmm? That thou shalt not bear false witness? [No verbal response, but T. looks disdainful.]

AMELIA.
Your Honor, sir, Teresa has been truthful; so she has.

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Quiet, child; speak only when you are spoken to. [Then he addresses T. again.] Child, do you want to be spoken for? [No response.] So be it. [He whispers to Judge S., who then proceeds to address Amelia in icy-cold tones.] ...

JUDGE STAROOP.
Do you observe all The Commandments?

AMELIA.
Yes, sir.

JUDGE STAROOP.
Then, what is this!? [He brandishes a second corn-dolly, which has a scrap of paper pinned to its waist. Both C. and G. look frightened, whilst A. looks apprehensive.] ...

AMELIA.
'Tis, as my sister Teresa did say, a corn-poppet, ... only.

JUDGE STAROOP.
But, child, have you not named it a Fortune-Teller?

AMELIA.
Er, ... Yes, sir; 'tis but harmless.

JUDGE STAROOP.
Harmless!? The words, ... in your own hand, ... written in blood... [A. interjects.]

AMELIA.
'Tis not blood; 'tis... [Judge H. interjects.]

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Quiet, child! ... Pray, do continue, sir. ...

JUDGE STAROOP.
The words do read: "D. I want you inside me." [A chorus of gasps emanate from the townspeople, together with shocked looks.] ... Child, confess, now, that you wanted the Devil inside you.

AMELIA.
No, sir; the 'D.' is not for the Devil, [Her apprehensive tone changes to one of embarrassment.] ... 'Tis ... for my sweetheart David, ... David Hogget. [Judge C. intervenes.]

JUDGE CLOOTH.
Are you accusing ... [He stops in mid-sentence. Judge S.'s rummaging around the basket has, inadvertently, resulted in a quilt, embroidered with hexagons which contain circles, to fall from the dais. The sight of this quilt prompts Grace to move from her chair onto her knees, and cry in anguish.]

GRACE.
Sir! ... No! No! ... Sir, I beseech you, ... pray, remove that ... that thing. [She starts weeping copiously.] ...

JUDGE CLOOTH.
But, child, it is naught but a handsome quilt, surely?

GRACE.
No, sir! No, sir! ... It ... It is the bed of the Devil's serpents. [She looks both exhausted and terrified.]

JUDGE CLOOTH.
Child, are you now confessing to a compact with the Devil?

GRACE.
Sir, ... pray, do not torment me. [She points at the quilt; then covers her face. ... Judge H. nods to the beadle, who picks up and then returns same to the basket.] I ... I have these dreams, ... strange dreams, ... my corn-poppets, they do change ... into serpents, coiled ones. [At this moment, Judge S. removes and then brandishes several corn-dollies.]

JUDGE STAROOP.
Like these ones, child?

GRACE.
Yes, sir.

JUDGE STAROOP.
Fortune-Tellers?

GRACE.
Er, ... Yes, sir.

JUDGE STAROOP.
But, these are not harmless, surely? ... This one does read: "Black twins will be born, on one spring morn." [At this moment, C. moves from her chair onto her knees.]

CECILIA.
Sir! Sir. Those ... those are my words.

JUDGE STAROOP.
And, child, your prediction came to pass; one of Mr. Hogget's ewes gave birth to such, this past spring?

CECILIA.
Er, ... Yes, sir.

JUDGE STAROOP.
The words are colored red-brown; are these not the colors of the Devil's blood? [No response.] Child, are not the waters you pass saturated with his blood!? [Still no response; but G. has begun to look distraught and terrified again.] Have you not used the Devil's blood to color the poppets!!? [G. places her hands over her ears; then ...]

GRACE.
Stop! Stop! Stop! ... Stop, sir. I beseech you. ... 'Tis true; I ... I did color my poppets with ... that... [A. interjects.]

AMELIA.
No, Gracie! No! Do not bear false witness! The Good Lord... [Judge H. interjects.]

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Marshal Stocks?

MARSHAL.
Aye, your Honor?

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Remove that disobedient child!

MARSHAL.
Aye, sir. [He escorts a voluble, frustrated, and less than willing A. into the vestry. Upon his return, Judge H. addresses G. in gentle tones.] ...

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Child, is not your fear and trembling, our Mediator helping you to rid the Devil inside you? ... Is The Lord not urging you to acknowledge your sins, ... so that your own salvation is foreshortened? ... Child, confess now; it is time to cast the Devil to eternal damnation in a fire of brimstone! ...

GRACE.
Sir. [She prostrates herself.] I confess to a compact with the ... Devil. [She spits out this last word.] Pray, ... I beseech you, ... help me seek salvation. [Despite her pain, G. exudes an apparent air of inner contentment. Observing this prompts C. to prostrate herself.] ...

CECILIA.
Sir, ... I too seek salvation ... by confessing my compact. [The judges' expressions are an admixture of ill-disguised relief and self-justification. ... Then Judge C. whispers to the beadle, who nods deferentially.]

BEADLE.
Goody Bale and Goody Hogget, present yourselves! [These two do so; their expressions are anxious.]

JUDGE CLOOTH.
Pray, good women, comfort these two repenting children. [He points towards the vestry. With some difficulty, said women help C. and G. out of the courtroom. ... ... Then Judge H. addresses T. once again.] ...

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Child, your two cousins have each confessed to practicing unnatural deeds. Should you not acknowledge, now, that you too have broken The Commandments? [No verbal response, but T. looks contemptful.] So be it! [He nods to the marshal, who escorts T. to the vestry. ... Then Judge C. nods to the beadle.] ...

BEADLE.
Dr. Amon Gerard, present yourself! [He does so; his demeanor is one of slight anxiety.] ...

JUDGE CLOOTH.
Good doctor, the accused each show excrescences, pass blood in their waters, and have a body racked with pain. ... Sir, have you seen such an illness before?

Dr. GERARD.
No, sir; though, some older midwives of the town have said they believe that the late mother of each accused did show a similar condition in their youth.

JUDGE CLOOTH.
Good sir, do you hold that their illness is one of the body or the spirit?

Dr. GERARD.
Sir, if their illness is of the body, I know of no natural cause. As to the matter of the spirit, I do seek guidance, always, from those who are more learned.

JUDGE CLOOTH.
Thank you, sir. [Then he nods to the beadle.] ...

BEADLE.
The Reverend Tobias Allam, pray. [Said reverend presents himself; his demeanor is poised.]

JUDGE CLOOTH.
Pray, good reverend, does Scripture provide us with guidance in the matter of the spirit?

Rev. ALLAM.
Yes, sir. The Good Book does state that the Devil, and his demons, can enter earthly souls to incite evil deeds and to cause illness.

JUDGE CLOOTH.
Thank you, good reverend. [Then, after conferring with the other judges, ... he speaks briefly to the beadle.] ...

BEADLE.
This Court is now closed in session! ... ...

[Music: Purcell's Pavan Z.752 or Strawbs' Tears and Pavan.]

SCENE 12. Mid-afternoon, that same day. The meetinghouse, as set up previously: except the four hard-backed chairs are absent. The hubbub is silenced by the beadle banging his mace on the floor twice. Led by the marshal, each girl enters the courtroom via the vestry door, and slowly shuffles forward to a position about five meters in front of the judges; Amelia supports Grace, and Teresa supports Cecilia, throughout.

BEADLE.
This Court is now open in session! ...

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Amelia Baize, Cecilia Baize, Grace Baize, and Teresa Baize, this Court has determined you are each guilty of the crime of malfeasancy. ... The law of England and of Massachusetts does follow the biblical injunction: "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." Therefore this Court condemns each of you to death by hanging. ... Does anyone of you wish to speak?

TERESA.
Yes, sir. [The judges look surprised.] I repent before The Good Lord for the sins I have committed: [The judges' looks of relief then change to those of doubt when ...] as judged by His all-seeing eyes. ... Save when poor Ceci and Gracie bore false witness, in their confessions, [Barely holding back her tears, she looks kindly at both C. and G.; both of whom are barely cognizant of the proceedings.] ... He does know that we have kept, in good and true faith, each one of His Commandments: and, therefore, innocent of the crime of malfeasancy. ... He does know, also, that the Devil, himself, may have been present in this room, throughout our trial: ... because the 'Devil's door' has been closed. [Spontaneously, everyone assembled looks in the direction of the small outer door on the north-facing wall; it is closed. ... Many of the townspeople start praying. Judge H.'s initial expression of horror and doubt changes slowly to one of stoicism; then he nods to the marshal, who escorts the girls to the prison via the vestry. ... Then Judge C. nods to the beadle.] ...

BEADLE.
Goody Bale and Goody Hogget, present yourselves! [These two do so; each looks both humble and apprehensive; touchingly, the pair hold hands before Judge C.] ...

JUDGE CLOOTH.
The good Reverend Allam, and the jury, without exception, have spoken of your piety and charity. Although each of you harbored suspicions of a malefic presence one year past, you chose to wait upon the providence of The Good Lord, to see what time might discover. Your understandable compassions, however, may have allowed the cancerous roots of the Devil to secure themselves. Therefore this Court has adjudged an appropriate penance: "For the execution of those condemned, you will embroider, on clean white shifts, the first letter of their forenames in scarlet." [As the two women bob their heads and withdraw, an angry Simon Baize moves to a position before this judge; then ...]

SIMON BAIZE.
Sir, I would not dishonor this Court. But, respectfully, I do protest: not one of our children has committed the sin of adultery, as the wearing of these garments will suggest.

JUDGE CLOOTH.
Sir, this Court has no desire to injure further your family. But, de facto and de jure, those condemned did have adulterous relationships with the Devil. [After dismissing Simon B., with a peremptory wave, he nods to the beadle.] ...

BEADLE.
Mr. Asher Baize, present yourself! [He does so; his demeanor is dignified before Judge S.] ...

JUDGE STAROOP.
The Reverend Allam, and the jury, without exception, have spoken of your modesty and learning. Yet, because you made a covenant with The Good Lord, and with their fathers, also, this Court considers it duly proper that you should bear the burden for your lack of vigilance. Therefore this Court has adjudged an appropriate penance: "You will be the hangman of those condemned." [As Asher B. falls to his knees and prays, the townspeople register a stunned silence.] ... ...

[Music: Purcell's Sonata Z.801 or Strawbs' Is it Today, Lord?]

SCENE 13. Early morning, four days later. The prison cell: it is furnished with four wooden planks chained to the walls, some straw on the floor, and a bucket (now partially filled with a red-brown liquid); little natural light is provided by the small window, particularly so this day with the unbroken coverage of dark-gray clouds. Goody Bale and Goody Hogget have just completed the ablutions of, and dressed in their (respective) execution shift, each Baize girl; despite the close attentions of these women, each girl looks both woebegone and in extreme pain. Accompanied by Marshal Stocks, Rev. A. enters the cell; the women bob their heads, cast tearful glances at each girl, and then leave.

Rev. ALLAM.
Children, shall we pray together for the redemption of your souls? [His tone is pious.]

AMELIA.
No!! [She looks at him angrily; Rev. A. looks taken aback; C. and G., who are barely cognizant, look both bemused and frightened; whereas T. looks at him disdainfully.]

Rev. ALLAM.
But, child, you will shortly meet our Maker.

AMELIA.
That is true. But, you ... you! ... you did betray our poor Ceci and Gracie. ... The Good Lord, with His infinite mercy may forgive you: but no, not I. ...

Rev. ALLAM.
Child, your two cousins, they did confess.

AMELIA.
That they did; and, I pray The Good Lord will forgive their sin of bearing false witness. ... They did believe, in their confusion, that their earthly souls would be spared: but you did know that was a false belief. [At this moment, Marshal S. whispers in Rev. A.'s ear, who then nods. A. and T. move to one corner of the cell, and start reciting their personal prayers. Simultaneously, Rev. A. gently places one hand on C.'s shoulder and another on G.'s shoulder; then he recites a short prayer before nodding to the marshal.] ... ...

[Music: Purcell's Ground Z.731 or Strawbs' The Hangman and the Papist.]

SCENE 14. Immediately thereafter, that same day. The town square, dominated by the recently constructed gallows. Each of the assembled townspeople is both well wrapped-up and shuffling their feet against the biting cold. The low drone of their voices is silenced by the appearance of Rev. A., the four Baize girls, and Marshal Stocks outside the prison. In single file, Rev. A. leads the group to the gallows; Amelia, with difficulty, helps Grace both to traverse the square and to ascend the steps of the gallows; and, similarly, Teresa helps Cecilia. With the assistance of the marshal, a (hooded) Asher Baize places a halter around each girl's neck. Rev. A. recites The Lord's Prayer, then ...

Rev. ALLAM.
Lord, have mercy on their souls. [He looks at Judge H., who then nods to Asher B.] ...

ASHER B.
Forgive me Lord, we hang them in Thy name. [Sotto voce] ... Forgive me Lord, we hang them in Thy name! [Louder] ... ... Forgive me Lord, we hang them in Thy name! [Shouting ... He pulls the lever, falling to his knees and sobbing as he does so; the four trap doors open; the bodies of the girls drop, twitch, and then they are still. ... ... As the assembled are just about to turn away, the halter round Cecilia's neck breaks, and her body falls. ... Those assembled have, etched in their minds, the final image of three lifeless bodies, in white shifts embroidered with scarlet letters; these read, from right to left, T A G.] ... ...

[Music: Purcell's Chaconne Z.730 or Strawbs' New World.]

SCENE 15. Shortly thereafter, that same day. The meetinghouse, as set up in the trial: except the pulpit is in a prominent position. The three judges, heads bowed, are standing behind the dais; the townspeople, heads bowed also, are standing either side of the central aisle; and, Rev. A. is in the pulpit prepared for prayer. [The gray-black clouds and continuous rain, outside, are accompanied by the noise of the wind; this increases in intensity, slowly but surely, throughout.]

Rev. ALLAM.
O Lord, whose steadfast love doth never waver, whose divine mercies do never cease, we seek both Thy forgiveness and Thy guidance. Thou dost know that... [He stops as a bedraggled looking Ellen Hogget comes bursting thru the main door.] ...

ELLEN H.
Sir! Reverend, sir! There... [Rev. A. interjects.]

Rev. ALLAM.
Silence, Ellen Hoggett! This is a house of God.

ELLEN H.
But, reverend! There be four horsemen; all strangers. They be by the gallows.

HANNAH H.
The Lord have mercy on us. They be The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse! [She falls to her knees.]

Rev. ALLAM.
Hold thy tongue, woman! [Then he addresses Ellen in a firm but soft tone.] Describe them for us, child.

ELLEN H.
The first one be dressin' as a gentleman; ... he be ridin' a white horse. Er, ... The second, he be dressin' in a brown habit; with a red horse; ... and he be puttin' a white robe on each of 'em; and... [Goody B. interjects.]

GOODY BALE.
Goody Hogget, she be right! ... That be predicted in the Scriptures. The Lamb, He hath opened the fifth seal. [She and most of the women are now quite distraught; whereas the men now look deeply apprehensive.]

Rev. ALLAM.
Pray, good woman, let us not be immoderate. [His tone is now conciliatory.] Child, do continue. ...

ELLEN H.
The third, he be dressin' in strange cloth; ... his horse be black. ... And the last, he be dressin' in a white coat: but his horse be pale. [At this moment, the four horsemen come riding thru the main door and down the central aisle; then dismount, and their horses move to the sides. Mr. Mandamus, the horseman dressed as a gentleman, bows graciously, first to the Rev. Allam, and then to the three judges.] ...

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Pray, sirs, what business have you here!? [Mr. M. hands each judge an official-looking document: these read same; confer with each other; ... and then look expectantly at Mr. M., who addresses Judge H. ...]

Mr. MANDAMUS.
Pray, sir, would you read aloud the document?

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Yes, sir. ... "To whom it may concern. ... Divers members of the Council of His Excellency the Governor, having examined, with exquisite caution, the evidence submitted in the trial of those accused of malfeasancy on Seuhtemipe Spit, do aver that this evidence is not sufficient to determine either the innocence or the guilt of those suspected of witchcraft. ... Governor Stoughton, having been advised of his Council's most careful judgment, has, himself, recommended that a new Court should be established to hear and determine these cases. ... This Court, which will consist of Mr. Mandamus, Mr. Wallace and Dr Arodnap, with Brother Gregor as independent advisor, has the complete authority of the Council of Massachusetts, His Excellency the Governor, and His Majesty the King." ... [All those assembled look ashen-faced, with the majority of the townspeople weeping copiously. ... Shortly thereafter, Mr. M. addresses Judge H. again. ...]

Mr. MANDAMUS.
Sir, only The Good Lord, Himself, will know why He sent such abominable weather to delay our journey: but, your gallows are vivid witnesses to our failure to prevent a miscarriage of justice. ... Now, though, my fellow travelers and I hope our modest learning might begin to lead this parish out of its present darkness. ... [Then he bows to Brother Gregor, the horseman in the brown habit.] ...

JUDGE STAROOP.
Brother Gregor, you are papist, are you not?

Br. GREGOR.
Sir, I do admit to being a humble servant of His Holiness: but I am not one of His emissaries here in the New World.

JUDGE STAROOP.
Then, sir, why have you traveled so far?

Br. GREGOR.
Sir, I have journeyed so that I may collect new plants for investigation in our monastery garden.

JUDGE CLOOTH.
You are, then, an amateur of botany, sir?

Br. GREGOR.
Yes, sir; though one of slight achievement.

JUDGE CLOOTH.
And, sir, what might be done with these new plants?

Br. GREGOR.
In our garden, we have determined that characters do follow thru the generations, in often precise ratios; and, we would hope the new plants might provide further evidence.

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Sir, are these characters natural or unnatural?

Br. GREGOR.
Whilst some characters have the appearance of affliction, we do presume, ... though we may err, ... that all characters are provident. [Then he bows to Mr. Wallace, the horseman in the strange cloth.] Mr. Wallace, pray? ...

Mr. WALLACE.
Sirs, I too am an amateur of botany; and, in my travels to near and distant lands, I have observed divers characters of many living things.

JUDGE HESCAILS.
And, sir, would you agree that all characters are provident?

Mr. WALLACE.
Yes, sir: but only in part; that is, providence in the sense of the benevolent care of The Good Lord: although Nature is often without charity.

JUDGE STAROOP.
Therefore, sir, you would aver that the Devil, himself, has no effect on these characters?

Mr. WALLACE.
Sir, undoubtedly! Though some, either in their confusion or ignorance, do imagine so. [Then he bows to Dr. Arodnap, the horseman in the white coat.] Dr. Arodnap, pray? ... [From a box he removes a strip of paper (constructed in the manner of a paper-chain, and which is a sequence of the letters A, C, G, and T in apparently random order), passes this strip to the judges, who examine same with deep frowns, until ...]

JUDGE CLOOTH.
Is it a cypher, sir?

Dr. ARODNAP.
Indeed it is, sir. But whilst every learned physician knows the cypher, not all are agreed that the answer is forty-two.

JUDGE STAROOP.
Forty-two! Sir, such an answer is without wit, surely?

Dr. ARODNAP.
Forgive me, sir, because I have a humble and modest mind, I am not able to provide you with the reasoning: but wit there is, in abundance. ...

JUDGE HESCAILS.
Sir, I would not presume to understand you; notwithstanding, I would suggest there is, perhaps, only an obscure affinity between the cypher and unnatural practices in this parish of The Good Lord?

Dr. ARODNAP.
That, sir, may indeed be so. However, some six years past, I do recall that eight, eminent, Boston divines did declare: "The Devil may sometimes have a permission to represent an innocent person as tormenting such as are under diabolical molestations. But ... such things are rare ...". Thus, the afflictions of the recently deceased may have had natural causes; and, if this be true, some would suggest that this cypher be used to comfort or to excise such afflictions. ...

JUDGE CLOOTH.
Sir, is the box now empty? [Dr A. shows him the empty box.]

Dr. ARODNAP.
Perhaps, sir; though some do say it contains hope. [Then he bows to Mr. M.] Mr. Mandamus, pray? [Who addresses Judge H.]

Mr. MANDANUS.
Sir, because I have not examined the records of your Court, thus far, it would not be proper for me to deliver judgment. Notwithstanding, members of the Council were disconcerted by divers matters, but most particularly your inconstant method of proceeding with one of The Commandments.

JUDGE HESCAILS.
And, sir, which one would that be, pray?

Mr. MANDANUS.
Thou shalt not bear false witness. ... Throughout the trial, you did presume that each of the accused bore false witness: except when, in their pain and their confusion, two of them did confess. [Then he addresses Rev. Allam in the pulpit.] Reverend sir, with your profound knowledge of The Good Book, you will doubtless recall the relevant passage of Scripture? [Rev. A. looks pensive, ... then utters a cry of anguish.]

Rev. ALLAM.
O Lord, forgive me! ... I did forget Thy voice in the Book of Zechariah. [He looks humbled.]

Mr. MANDANUS.
Pray, reverend, do read this text for us. ...

Rev. ALLAM.
Brethren, gathered here on this forsaken day, and in sorest need of spiritual refreshment, I read for us all, the Book of Zechariah; chapter 7, verses 8 thru 13. [He does so, in measured tones; the italicized words are his emphasis.] "And the word came unto Zechariah, saying, Thus speaketh the Lord of hosts, saying, Execute true judgment, and shew mercy and compassions every man to his brother. And oppress not the widow, nor the fatherless, the stranger, nor the poor; and let none of you imagine evil against his brother in your heart. But they refused to hearken, and pulled away the shoulder, and stopped their ears, that they should not hear. Yea, they made their hearts as adamant as stone, lest they should hear the law, and the words which the Lord of hosts hath sent in His spirit by the former prophets: therefore came a great wrath from the Lord of hosts. Therefore it came to pass, that as He cried, and they would not hear; so they cried, and I would not hear, said the Lord of hosts. But I scattered them with a whirlwind among all the nations whom they knew not. [With the wind, outside, reaching near-deafening proportions, Rev. A. is forced to shout these last words.] ... Thus the land was desolate after them, that no man passed through nor returned: for they laid the pleasant land desolate." [After Rev. A. has spoken these last words, Mr. M. nods to his fellow travelers, and then all prepare to mount their respective horses. At this moment, the ceiling, doors, and walls cave in: crushed irreversibly by the waters of an Atlantic, mid-winter storm.] ... ... ... ...