{C. Hinshelwood, who was awarded the Nobel prize for Chemistry in 1956, wrote in The Structure of Physical Chemistry, Oxford, 1951: "Science is not the mere collection of facts, which are infinitely numerous and mostly uninteresting, but the attempt by the human mind to order these facts into satisfying patterns. ..."}

Despite the spectre of examinations, there is time, surely, for the conscientious student to stretch his or her abilities in an unorthodox manner. So, in this appendix are ten fragmentary points of discussion which could be mulled over when the «mental batteries need recharging».

Also included here, to leaven these fragments, are extracts of dialogue between Dr. Alec D. Stuart and Ms. Alice K. Lidell-Lonsdale at Narkover College (Borst.). [... The Headmaster of this less than august establishment is Mr. Mervyn B. Pond, Phil.; both parents and pupils assume implicitly that the abbreviation «Phil.» is a contraction of Master of Philosophy; the staff, on the other hand, have observed that «Phil.» could be taken to mean philatelist or philistine: Mr. Pond, an otherwise voluble chap, is uncharacteristically reticent on this point. Alice, herself, was the first female pupil at Narkover; her two previous schools were Nutbourne College and St. Swithin's. Dr. Stuart, who is a spiritual descendant of Pooh-Bah, and who took a First in Classics, teaches Science; he wears half-moon spectacles; and is the only staff member with two nicknames: Barbydol (... Barbastella barbastellus) and Desdemona (... Desmodus rotundus). Narkover's mascot, named Stuffet, is a pet canary bird which neither moves nor sings; perhaps coincidentally, Fleabit, the school's moggy, has recently been sent to a new home (owned by a violin maker) ...]

PLAYLET 1: Von Ankunft bis Abschied

Ankunft The winter term is three days old; in a laboratory, Dr. Stuart takes a roll-call for his first lesson with the 4th-Remove (Year 10) ...

Dr. STUART.
Brown.

BROWN.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
East.

EAST.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Flashman.

FLASHMAN.
Here, Sir. (Dr. S. frowns.)

Dr. STUART.
Ms. Lidell-Lonsdale. (Muffled laughs from the rest of the class.) Favete linguis! (Silence follows.)

ALICE.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
May I extend a warm welcome to you on behalf of the class, or, considering their faux pas, the «sans-culottes»? ... Would you prefer to work with Jack or with Ralph?

ALICE.
Can I work with Jack, please? (She smiles at Merridew.)

Dr. STUART.
Certainly. Errare est humanum. McKechnie.

McKECHNIE.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Merridew.

MERRIDEW.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Mumford.

MUMFORD.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Pattullo.

PATTULLO.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Piggy. (No reply.) Piggy! (Still no reply.) Wittering, do you know where Piggy is?

WITTERING.
No, Sir. (He glances fleetingly at both Unman and Zigo.)

Dr. STUART.
Unman.

UNMAN.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Wittering.

WITTERING.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Zigo.

ZIGO.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Now, ladies and gentlemen ...

________________________________________________________________________________________

1. The following has been abstracted from a syllabus: "Setting up and manipulating apparatus with sufficient skill and safety needed ..."

________________________________________________________________________________________

The 4th-Remove are busy in the laboratory identifying unknown compounds using standard anion and cation tests; Dr. S., a pipe-smoker when not on duty, is hovering about in a passable imitation of a Vultur gryphus ...

Dr. STUART.
In flagrante delicto! (He addresses Alice and Merridew.)

MERRIDEW.
But, Sir, our relationship is strictly platonic. (Muffled comments from the other sans-culottes.)

Dr. STUART.
I was not alluding to the birds and the bees. No, rather to the fact that both of you are eating! Those chocolate bars may indeed help you work, rest, and play: ... but, should you absorb a toxic substance, your rest will be permanent — mort, without so much as a tricoteuse in sight. (The entire class look baffled but intrigued by this dead metaphor.) Be that as it may, to eat in the laboratory is a serious infraction of the safety rules. (Dr. S. addresses the class.) Whose purpose, may I remind you all, is homeostasis: ... ensuring that each of you maintains a constant internal environment despite changes in your external environment! (Flashman pretends to whisper something to Brown.) Brown, were you listening? (Brown nods.) And you, Flashman?

FLASHMAN.
Hanging on your every word, Sir. (His tone is breezy.)

Dr. STUART.
100 lines from the pair of you by the start of prep.

BROWN.
But, Sir, that «lettre de cachet» isn't fair!

Dr. STUART.
Fair? Hmph! Brown, life is not fair! Now, ... where was I? Ah, ... Alice and Merridew, your Bunsen is on a yellow flame. (Merridew, but not Alice, looks contrite.)

ALICE.
But, Sir, at my last school, we always had the Bunsen on a yellow flame when on standby.

Dr. STUART.
In my laboratory, ... the only thing that stands is you. Present yourselves in my study after high-tea, complete with three reasons why a yellow flame is not appropriate. ...

Later that day ... Alice and Merridew are standing outside his study (A. looks apprehensive, M. has an assumed air of nonchalance); they can hear violin music which sounds uncannily like a cat miaowing ...

ALICE.
Do you think Barbydol will have a paroxy because we've only got one reason?

MERRIDEW.
J'sais pas ... san-ne-fairy-an. Go on, knock.

ALICE.
No, you knock!

MERRIDEW.
Scaredy-cat! (He knocks on the study door.)

Dr. STUART.
Veni! (The music stops as Alice and Merridew enter. On a coffee table is a weighty Latin tome opened at page ...)

ALICE.
I'm afraid we've only got one reason, ... that burning gas unnecessarily would be a waste of a non-renewable resource?

Dr. STUART.
Splendid! Excellent, ... as far it goes, ... but there are at least two more. First, there is incomplete combustion of methane in a yellow flame: so the concentration of carbon monoxide increases. In turn, this leads to the formation of carboxyhaemoglobin, ... which can have mortal consequences. (There is the merest twinkle in Dr. S.'s eyes.) And, to be honest, I don't think the Remove need help on this subject. (Merridew is a picture of studied innocence, whereas Alice is one of naiveté.) Second, a yellow flame tends to wander, because it is very susceptible to convection currents, and this increases the fire hazard. (Alice and Merridew nod in agreement.) Certainly, with your flowing trestles, Alice, there is a distinct possibility of you being a Cinder-élève.

MERRIDEW.
Oh good, Sir. Very droll indeed, if I may say so, Sir.

ALICE.
Er, ... Oh I agree, Sir. (Alice and Merridew glance at each other, slightly raise their eyes, and sigh very gently.) ...

________________________________________________________________________________________

2. The following has been abstracted from a syllabus: "Communicates the scientific information and ideas gained from an investigation using appropriate nomenclature and specialist terminology with precision and uses the rules of grammar with almost faultless accuracy."

________________________________________________________________________________________

The 4th-Remove enter the library as quiet as mice (sans cheveux?); they expect their marks for the term's first essay: "Lead Chemistry" ...

ALICE.
Sir, you appear to be wincing in pain. Is your prostrate gland troubling you? (Her tone is compassionate.)

Dr. STUART.
I bow to no one! (Alice looks confused.) The word is prostate, without that R. Though a shade indelicate, your concern is appreciated. No, the cause of my anguish is your essay: stated bluntly, it is quite beyond the pale. Let us consider your opening sentences: "Lead is a dead element: as dead as dead can be. It killed the bloody Romans, and now it's killing me." First, the use of the expletive "bloody" is not becoming of a young lady. (Dr. S. averts his gaze; Alice looks suitably demure.) Second, they are, presumably, a parody of a 'witticism' commonly present on the fly-leaves of Latin textbooks. (Alice nods in agreement.) However, examiners are decidedly humourless individuals; indeed their idea of high comedy is chortling over «schoolboy howlers» ever-present on examination scripts. And third, on a purely technical point, ... the element lead, itself, is not toxic. You have almost got the right answer: but the wrong reason! Covalent or ionic compounds of lead are toxic; they have several adverse biological effects ... as, indeed, you note later in your «masterpiece». (Alice looks glum.) Dear me! Pull yourself together! Let us consider your orthography.

ALICE.
Orthography? Please, Sir, what does that word mean?

Dr. STUART.
Spelling. You have made most of the common errors. (Points to: 'burrete' 'definate' 'flourine' 'neccesary' 'pippette' 'seperate' and 'temprature'.) This is woeful, with one L! Don't they teach you to spell in your English lessons?

ALICE.
But we're doing Shakespeare.

Dr. STUART.
Doing? As in, ... say, ... doing to death? And the play?

ALICE.
Something, ... I think ... er, ... it's meant to be a comedy.

Dr. STUART.
Of Errors? (Alice nods.) Just so, Alice. (Alice looks puzzled.) Hmph! Let us change tack slightly. Alice, have you been on a sailing trip recently, to the Scottish islands of Rhum, Muck, and Eigg?

ALICE.
No, Sir! (Her tone is surprised.) Why do you ask?

Dr. STUART.
Your essay is awash with these drunken ugly ducklings ... (He writes on the blackboard: ie eg)

ALICE.
Those are abbreviations for "that is," and "for example,"!

Dr. STUART.
Bôf! Absolument pas! The correct abbreviations are ... (He writes on the blackboard: i.e., e.g.,) I will leave you to consider why variants are not acceptable. And now, let us turn to your omission of the periodicity in Group 14.

ALICE.
But, Sir, when you were wittering on about Mendeleev... (Dr. S. interrupts.)

Dr. STUART.
My apologies for interrupting, Alice. I may warble, I may purr, and I do wax lyrical: but I certainly do not witter.

ALICE.
As I was saying, when you were waxing on about Mendeleev, ... The word was wax? (Dr. S. winces.) ... you said that he designed his Periodic Table on the basis of atomic masses.

Dr. STUART.
I did indeed.

ALICE.
Well he got the right answer: but the wrong reason! As the Table is based on atomic numbers. (Her tone is petulant.)

Dr. STUART.
Hmph! Hoist with my own petard, Alice? (His face beams.)

ALICE.
Just so, Sir! (Dr. S. frowns.) ...

________________________________________________________________________________________

3. The following question, or minor variants thereof, often appears on examination papers: "Write the equation for the reaction between ethene and bromine, and describe the observations you would expect to make."

[C₂H₄ + Br₂(aq) —————® C₂H₄Br₂(l/aq) Orange solution decolourizes and energy change.]

However, the question is specious, for at least three reasons. One, few pupils will have observed this reaction, simply because the preparation of ethene is quite tedious. Two, even fewer (and possibly none) will have executed this reaction, because 1,2-dibromoethane is carcinogenic. And three, it is doubtful whether any chemist, in the last thirty or so years, would have have seriously contemplated using bromine water to test for the presence of an alkene functional group, because there are more sensitive methods available that are non-destructive.

________________________________________________________________________________________

The 4th-Remove are in the laboratory, looking positively angelic; they expect their results for the half-term test on "Organic Chemistry" ...

Dr. STUART.
Heu quam horrendum visu! Cherubic faces. Hmph! La crème de la crème? Absolument pas! The test was an unmitigated disaster! (He sighs deeply.) Zigo was top with 65.2% ... (He observes Zigo blowing on the back of his right fist and then rubbing it on his jacket's left lapel.) No! Not in the least impressive, ... particularly as Mr. Thompson says you are a dab hand at the old dee-y by dee-x! (Zigo looks crushed.) And, as for you, Alice, a meagre 15.1%. You are clearly destined for high office... (She smiles.) There is absolutely nothing to smile about, I can assure you! A little knowledge is not just dangerous: it is useless!

ALICE.
But, Sir? (Her tone is conciliatory.)

Dr. STUART.
Speak now, or forever hold your peace!

ALICE.
You've never explained why we need to know about dibromo ... what's-its-name.

Dr. STUART.
1,2-Dibromoethane. You need it for the public examination!

ALICE.
Are you saying, Sir, ... we just need to know it, just so we can use it in an exam? For a purely utilitarian purpose?

Dr. STUART.
You have been at that dictionary again, Alice. (He smiles.)

ALICE.
No, Sir! My theasaurus! (Her tone is mildly triumphant.)

Dr. STUART.
The word is thesaurus, without that A. It is derived from the... (Alice interrupts.)

ALICE.
Please, Sir, stop being so fussy! Why do we need to know about that 1,2-dibromoethane?

Dr. STUART.
Pedantic, ... moi? Well, ... the compound has been used as a petrol-additive ... (He is reading the textbook, below the level of the dais.) um, ... because it acts as a scavenger for variously formed lead compounds in combustion engines.

ALICE.
And, Sir? (Her tone is disinterested.)

Dr. STUART.
That particular bromination reaction with ethene typifies the addition reactions of alkenes. (He has speed read the paragraph ahead, so his tone is much more authoritative.)

ALICE.
So why can't we do some of those? (Her tone is eager.)

Dr. STUART.
The simplest reactions, that are also safe, are outside the syllabus. And, judging from the results of your half-term test, to do so would be courting disaster. (His tone is pompous.) Class! (The sans-culottes, who have not been paying even the slightest attention to this dialogue, are suddenly all agog.) I had forgotten, but Alice's hectoring has reminded me that there should be prep. (Groans from the rest of class.) So, ... I want a minimum of ... two hundred words on this title. (Dr. S. writes on the blackboard: "The simplest alkene homologues that can be studied safely.") Individual work. No cheating! (Dr. S. peers over the top of his glasses, and focuses on Flashman.)

FLASHMAN.
Moi? Absolument pas, Monsieur! (Dr. S. frowns.) ...

________________________________________________________________________________________

4. Stated provocatively, scientists differ from non-scientists in only one fundamental respect: those who can interpret chemical line formulae (see below), and those who cannot. Since time immemorial, the perceived wisdom has been that acquiring the skill in interpreting such formulae is less important than knowing a seemingly endless number of arbitrary facts. However, the acquisition of this skill does allow the scientist, putative or otherwise, to make a reasonable attempt at understanding a significant proportion of topics published in both learned and popular journals (e.g., Nature, New Scientist, and Scientific American).

Setting aside the anomalies and the finer details, the basic «rules» of line formulae are as follows. Each carbon of the skeleton is shown as a vertex; each full line connecting the vertices represents one localized covalent bond; each hydrogen bonded to the skeletal carbons is omitted; and all other functional groups are shown explicitly.

The structural and line formulae of hexane (1), hex-1-ene (2), and hex-2-ene (3) are:

The structural and line formulae of cyclohexane (4), cyclohexene (5), and cyclohexa-1,3-diene (6) are:

Personal preference, guided by the context, very often determines which carbons are designated skeletal; e.g., methylcyclohexane might be shown as 7a, 7b, or 7c — either of the latter two would probably be used when an author wished to emphasize this compound's topological similarities and/or differences to other substituted cyclohexanes (such as 8 and 9).

[Most of the pupils at Narkover have departed for the half-term «hols». Alice has gone to stay with the Duchess (one of her favourite aunts); confidently expecting «tea and sympathy» on arrival at the noble lady's mausoleum, she is a shade disheartened when greeted with the following growl: "If everybody minded their own business ..." Noblesse oblige?]


5. The merit of line formulae becomes particularly self-evident when large molecules are displayed, as exemplified below; each of these is topologically related to each other and to chlorophyll-a, haemoglobin, and vitamin-B12. [Incidentally, and stated anthropomorphically, these molecules provide remarkable testimony of Nature's capacity to modify a basic structure in order to realize diverse biological functions.]

Bacteriophytin-a (10) is but one of at least six chlorophylls involved in the transduction of light to chemical energy in photosynthetic bacteria (e.g., Rhodospirillum rubrum). Bonellin (11) is the hormone responsible for masculinization in the marine worm Bonella viridis.

Uroporphyrin (12) is the pigment responsible for the red colouring of the head feathers of the African bird Musophaga rossae. Cytochrome-c (13), which evolved into its present form some 1.5 billion years ago, and which appears to be present in all living organisms (i.e., bacteria, protoctistans, fungi, plants, and animals), is but one of several cytochromes involved in the redox processes of both cellular respiration and photosynthesis.

[Most of the sans-culottes have stayed at school; rather surprisingly, they have been swotting in the library. Wittering has determined that more than one permutation of carbon monoxide, cyanide, cytochrome-a, and haemoglobin has ... well ... sanguinary possibilities.]


6. The most important compound omitted from introductory courses is benzene (14a ... or ... 14b). This omission is perfectly reasonable, because a thorough understanding of its structure and reactivity does require a fairly advanced knowledge of the theories of atomic structure and chemical bonding. Nevertheless, «where angels fear to tread» ...

At first sight, benzene (14a) would appear to be a cyclic analogue of hexa-1,3,5-triene (15). However, many pieces of evidence indicate that benzene is not a cyclic hydrocarbon with localized double bonds; just two of these are as follows. First, in contrast to the triene, bromine reacts with benzene by substitution rather than by addition; i.e.,

And second, as determined by a technique called X-ray crystallography, the carbon-carbon bond lengths are all equal: whereas, in the triene there is alternation of bond lengths. Overall, the evidence supports a bonding model for benzene as follows: each carbon atom uses three of its valence electrons to form three localized single bonds (i.e., one with a hydrogen atom, and one each with its adjacent carbon atoms), and contributes its fourth one to the formation of three delocalized bonds.

Scientists accept, as second nature, so to speak, that benzene is not cyclohexa-1,3,5-triene: so formula 14a is not interpreted literally, but automatically generates a mental image better described by 14b; i.e., three delocalized covalent bonds represented by a circle.

In the scientific literature, although the vast majority of compounds containing the «benzenoid fragment» are shown as in 14a, a significant minority are shown as in 14b. However, researchers in the late 1970s, who were developing a technique called stereo-electronic structural analysis, established that for certain compounds both the localized and delocalized descriptions were unexpectedly misleading; as the following example illustrates spectacularly. Line formulae 16a and 16b represent, respectively, the localized and the delocalized description of the same compound: but the structural analysis showed that 16c was its «best» description (i.e., two «delocalized» rings and one «localized» ring).

[Meanwhile, back at Narkover, the attractions of the library have begun to wane; several of the sans-culottes have started to take an unhealthy interest in both handicraft and Fortune-Tellers.]


7. A line formula merely shows a compound's topology (i.e., the types of atoms, and their connectivity): it does not show topography (i.e., the spatial relationships between the atoms). So, line formulae can be (unwittingly) misleading; e.g., at first sight, both benzene (14a) and cyclohexane (4) might appear to be planar: however, whereas benzene is indeed planar, cyclohexane is non-planar. No attempt will be made here to expound upon the important details of the rather complex topography of cyclohexane; on the other hand, one should certainly be aware that molecular models show that the six carbon atoms can arrange themselves into boat (4a) and chair (4b) forms.

Generally speaking, topographical information is conveyed by the use of stereo-chemical line formulae — whose «rules», in part, are as follows. A thick wedge denotes a bond projecting forwards from the plane of the paper (i.e., towards the observer); a broken wedge denotes a bond projecting behind the paper (i.e., away from the observer); and a normal line denotes a bond in the plane of the paper.

As an illustration of the above rules, shown below are stereo-chemical line formulae for three compounds: ammonia (17), tetramethyllead (18), and xenon tetrafluoride (19).

Finally, to conclude this brief introduction to stereo-chemistry, and with mischief (but not malice) aforethought, a chemical puzzle. ... Line formula 20 is absolutely correct for both 20+ and 20-: but, 20+ and 20- are definitely not the same compound. Below are four «cluettes» which might allow the resolution of the fundamental difference between these two compounds: one, a pair of molecular models ask the question "Mirror mirror, on the wall, which camphor ball is the fairest one of all?"; two, mité testes; three, Tineola bisselliella; four, lateral inversion is the apparent left-to-right reversal of an image behind a mirror.

[Mumford, a patient soul, has spent the entire half-term watching his crystal of hydrated copper(II) sulfate grow; he is dismayed to find out that the rigorously correct name for his biocidal pride and joy is: tetraaquocopper(II) tetraoxosulfate(VI)-water(1/1). "What's the use of you having that name," Mumford muttered absentmindedly, "if you won't answer to it?" "No use to me!" retorted the Crystal, out of the blue. "But it must be useful to most people, sometime, I suppose. If not, why do things have correct names at all?" ... "J'ai pas tellement d'idée," Mumford replied indifferently, "mais ... tu es ... vachement joli!" ... The blue Crystal was embarrassed: but it was difficult, so so difficult ... no, impossible to blush.]

________________________________________________________________________________________

8. The following has been abstracted from a syllabus: "... Historical origins of the Periodic Table, especially the work of ..."

________________________________________________________________________________________

The half-term at Narkover sees an influx of girls: a trio from Eire (Lolli, Popsy, and Shandy), who have been placed in the Third form (Year 9); and triplets from Australia (Holly, Molly, and Polly), who have entered the Second (Year 8). The Headmaster, otherwise occupied with his stamp collection, has asked Alice to show the seniors round the school. These four girls arrive outside Dr. S.'s study; inside, he is attaching coloured stars to pupils' work whilst listening to music by Heinichen ...

ALICE.
Quiet! (She whispers to her charges, who are twittering.) Barbydol may be roosting. (She knocks, gently.)

Dr. STUART.
Veni! (The girls enter.) Dear me! I do believe I am the rose between four thorns. (The new girls look bewildered.)

ALICE.
Sir, why were you listening to that cacophony?

Dr. STUART.
It refreshes the parts that other music doesn't reach. Now, how can this humble servant assist the pinafore brigade?

ALICE.
No way really, Sir. I'm just showing these new girls round the school. But, ... I ... er, ... do have a problem. ...

Dr. STUART.
Should I hear this? Perhaps, ... Mlle Gossâge or Matron?

ALICE.
No, Sir! Me and Merridew ... I mean, Merridew and me ... I mean ... Oh never mind! We've finished. It's Mendeleev. You said that he predicted the properties of some unknown elements by averaging those known above and below the gaps.

Dr. STUART.
I did indeed.

ALICE.
Well, ... he predicted the melting point of eka-silicon by sort-of-averaging those of silicon and tin? (Dr. S. nods.) And so, ... if had done the same thing for eka-aluminium, by averaging those of aluminium and indium, then he would have got a value of about 400°C. Instead, he predicted that the melting point would be "low". And gallium's is! 30°C! A bit like that monk Mendel, I think that he had discov... (Dr. S. interrupts.)

Dr. STUART.
Alice! Perish that thought! It is a poisoned chalice. ...

ALICE.
But... (Dr. S. interrupts again.)

Dr. STUART.
No! I cannot countenance the notion that there was another Bayesian Affair in that century. Off you go girls! Shoo! Back to cooking, ... or whatever it is called these days.

The girls file out of Dr. S.'s study, crocodile fashion. Alice closes the door, and then the three younger girls start to chatter excitedly.

LOLLI.
Golly gosh, Alice, what is an affair? (Popsy interjects.)

POPSY.
The old goat probably had a mistress. (Her tone is rather patronizing.) What was all that about eka?

ALICE.
I wouldn't worry about it, Popsy. You'll soon realize that old Barbydol trots out the same stuff, year in, year out.

SHANDY.
Oh super! But, Alice, why was he wearing a black gown?

ALICE.
He probably suffers from hypothermia. He is certainly old: thirty-five at least. Or, it may be the tribal instinct ...

LOLLI.
Yes, but, gosh, didn't you notice? He had another hanging on the back of the door. That one had fur on the collar!

ALICE.
Yes, I know. Apparently, he wears that on Speech Day ... to impress our parents. (Curiously, her tone is one of pride.)

POPSY.
Ugh! It smelt of moth balls.

ALICE.
We don't say that word here! It's not becoming of a young lady. (She states primly, but continues pompously ...) As I am Head Girl, I will ensure you are la crème de la crème.

The girls turn left at the end of the corridor. Alice shrieks. Arranged within a scale model of a prison are seven dolls: one is large; three are medium-sized; and another three are small, but identical. Each doll contains pins, shaped like hockey-sticks, pierced through its body. A few of the sans-culottes are watching this jolly scene from a balcony.

________________________________________________________________________________________

9. The following forms part of a typical syllabus: "... Students should recognize the position and general properties of the transition elements; such properties should include variable oxidation states, catalytic behaviour, and the formation of coloured compounds." Whether this fragment should be taken at face value is a moot point ... or two.

First, even though over half of all the known elements are transition metals, the (broadest) definition of a transition metal — 'An element which has partially filled d or f shells in any of its common oxidation states' — is well beyond the scope of the syllabus. Contrastingly, many textbooks and examination papers designate both cadmium and zinc as transition metals: despite the fact that neither of them observe the theoretical requirement, much less show the typical properties.

Second, because these characteristic properties are often not alluded to in discussing other elements, one might reasonably assume that they are perhaps irrelevant: but, ... Most elements form compounds in more than one oxidation state; e.g., indium [(I) and (III)], lead [(II) and (IV)], phosphorus [(III) and (V)], and sulfur [(II), (IV), and (VI)]. Catalytic behavior is shown by the widest variety of elements, ions, and compounds; e.g., trioxygen (ozone), iodide ions, and enzymes.

And finally, most non-transition elements form some coloured compounds; e.g., lead(II) iodide is yellow, nitrogen dioxide is brown, and sodium nitrite is pale-yellow. Moreover, in everyday-life, almost all of the coloration observed — naturally or synthetically — is attributable to organic compounds; the colours of those shown below should prove to be enlightening.

________________________________________________________________________________________

The sans-culottes are close to succumbing to rigor mortis, because they have been hearing, though not listening to, Dr. S. droning on about the iron-catalyzed synthesis of ammonia; outside, the clouds promise snow; inside, Zigo has finger-traced the word Gossâge on a steamed-up window: but Alice, sanguine as usual, has her looking-glass at the ready ...

ALICE.
Please, Sir, I think I've grasped the facts about transition metals. But why do they behave as they do?

Dr. STUART.
Alice, have you ever come across the words "disingenuous", "dissemble", or "dissimulate"? (Alice shakes her head.) Class! Alice has, indirectly, reminded me about prep. You are to find out the meanings of those words, and the phrase «écriture de chat», by next term. Class dismissed! ...

The class leave the room in ghostly silence. Alice's attempts to engage in conversation with the sans-culottes are received with sang-froid.

________________________________________________________________________________________

10. Those with a whimsical turn of mind might consider that bonellin (11), the hormone responsible for masculinization in the marine worm Bonella viridis, is not particularly efficacious; ... after all, the female is several thousand times heavier than the male of the species. In Homo sapiens, chauvinism is of graver concern ...

________________________________________________________________________________________

The first snows of winter have fallen at Narkover, so the young are at play. The 4th-Remove have constructed a four-seater motorized toboggan. East and Flashman, who have abducted Alice, hold a modest lead in this vehicle over the rest of the sans-culottes pursuing on foot ...

FLASHMAN.
Faster, Scud, faster. We're leaving 'em!

EAST.
What was that!? (He shouts.) What did you throw out?

FLASHMAN.
Useless baggage! Pas de problème! Step on the gas!

EAST.
What baggage? We had none! Merde! You ... you ... no, Flashy you couldn't have ...


Abschied The winter term is almost over; in a laboratory, Dr. Stuart takes a roll-call for his last lesson with the 4th-Remove ...

Dr. STUART.
Brown.

BROWN.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
East.

EAST.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Flashman.

FLASHMAN.
Here,... (Dr. S. looks up sharply.) Er, ... Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Ms. Lidell-Lonsdale. (No reply.) Alice! (Still no reply.) Wittering, do you know where Alice is?

WITTERING.
No, Sir. (He glances fleetingly at both Unman and Zigo.)

Dr. STUART.
Wittering, ... sans-culottes ... ou ... sans sens?

WITTERING.
Monsieur, qu'est-ce que vous entendez par sens?

Dr. STUART.
Cela veut dire ... mais non! Regardez votre dictionnaire! (He looks down again at the register.) Merridew.

MERRIDEW.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
McKechnie.

McKECHNIE.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Eh bien, sans-culottes ou ... sanglantes culottes? (He waits as the class hunt through their dictionaries.) Mumford!?

MUMFORD.
Present, Sir. Um, I mean, er, ... blood-stained, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Oui, c'est ça. Peut-être, ... sans-culottes ... sans sens avec sanglantes culottes? Hmph! Que je souffre. Pattullo.

PATTULLO.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Piggy. (No reply.)

PATTULLO.
Please, Sir. Piggy is no longer with us.

Dr. STUART.
Thank you, Pattullo. I do remember. I am not senile, yet. Did you go to his memorial service with your Housemaster?

PATTULLO.
Yes, Sir. Mr. Gowers took a whole group of us. They played some achingly beautiful music.

Dr. STUART.
Splendid, Pattullo, splendid! Two House points. Unman.

UNMAN.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Wittering.

WITTERING.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Zigo.

ZIGO.
Present, Sir.

Dr. STUART.
Now, ladies and gentlemen ... (He peers over the top of his glasses to survey the class.) ... Oh dear, just gentlemen — and I use that word advisedly. As this is the end of term, I thought a smattering of culture might not go amiss. Zigo, I think the class will appreciate my choice of music.

ZIGO.
Really, Sir?

Dr. STUART.
Yes. At its first performance, the musicians blew out their candles as they left one by one during the final movement. (He plays a CD of Joseph Haydn's Farewell Symphony.) ...

Playlet 2 (Spring Term 1):
Ein Musikalischer Spass, In Memoriam Papa (28.5.1787)